Ahang barayeh oon

 زمستون…●♪♫

تنِ عریونِ باغچه؛ چون بیابون…●♪♫
درختا… با پاهای برهنه، زیرِ بارون…●♪♫
نمی دونی؛ تو که عاشق نبودی●♪♫
چه سخته مرگِ گل؛ برای گلدون●♪♫
گل وُ گلدون؛ چه شبها، نشستن بی بهانه●♪♫
واسه هم قصه گفتن؛ عاشقانه●♪♫
چه تلخه… چه تلخه…●♪♫
باید تنها بمونه؛ قلبِ گلدون…●♪♫
مثِ من؛ که بی تو نشستم، زیرِ بارون…●♪♫
زمستون… برای تو قشنگه، پشتِ شیشه●♪♫

بهاره… زمستون ها؛ برای تو همیشه!●♪♫
تو مثلِ من؛ زمستونی نداری، که باشه لحظه ی چشم انتظاری…●♪♫
گلدون خالی ندیدی●♪♫
نشسته زیرِ بارون…●♪♫
گلهای کاغذی؛ داری توو گلدون●♪♫
تو؛ عاشق نبودی…●♪♫
ببینی؛ تلخه روزای جدایی…●♪♫
چه سخته… چه سخته…●♪♫
بشینم بی تو؛ با چشمای گریون●♪♫

Deleh man

 Welcome to the saddest month of the year

Last year, once I found our about the 👶🏻 I went down the memory lane and cherished the days they were created, including those days that I still didn’t know… 

These are the days that I am actively trying to stay positive with heavy pain in my heart that’s constantly being ignored until it’s not

This is all part of grieving. The memories will never be forgotten… 

Given my current state, or “our” current state, I honestly don’t even know if I still want to… although I am taking steps towards making it happen and the thought of it happening gives me joy, it’s still something that I have doubts about, which makes this whole thing very confusing

All I know is that I can be very happy when distracted and very sad when I am not. Refer to the picture in the previous post if you want to see my “happy state”

Ey kaash

 I thought it may be good for me to write down the things that I wish he did differently then maybe I could find a solution 

Nov 10: ey kaash yekam mehraboontar ba man va hameh barkhord mikard. Aslan fekr mikonam ageh mehraboontar bood hameh moshkelatemoon hal mishod. Vali ageh tavanaayisho nadashte basheh chi? Ghablana fekr mikardam ageh baa digaran mehraboon nist hadde aghal ba man hast vali digeh intor fekr nemikonam. Mitoonam begam keh 100% doosam dareh vali mehraboon nist