I surrounder...

YES ok.... no more tries..... it's never gonna happen.....now I know that ....no ...now I BELIEVE that.....so I won't even try....sorry for being a fool :)

now the hard part is remembering that I did surrounder!!!!!

all right.....I'll try my best not to forget.....

Failure!

oooo c'mon now...don't be so scared of that word!

maybe sometimes it's a good thing to fail!!! [yea right ...maybe for crazy people like myself! let's give a boost to that downward graph of LIFE (if u still dare to call it a life that is)]

ok here's what happened ..... I was trying to live in the present not the future*! so I was just trying to change a routine and see what happens if u concentrate on the present ..will it improve anything? well.. hahahaha....as u can see I'm just at the low of the lowest soooo...conclusion : NO it did NOT work...... :D

now...i'm gonna try to go back to where I was before.... I dont care about what happens now anymore....

so....let's think about LA FUTURA shall we? :)

*as I looked back @ the past 7-8 years I'd been always running after the future...always thinking about the future..and CLEARLY ignoring the present......

what happened today?

I went to work @ 10
I got off work @ 5
I went to ??? with my sis and had a LZ
I came back by myself ...spent more than 1+1/2 hour on the bus!
I'm not in a very good mood now...but I can feel that I am getting some of my old powers* back

*power of thinking! thinking about myself and the future...I donnow if u've noticed or not but I've been ignoring me for about a month or so......it's time to kiss and make up :D

what happened yesterday?

yesterday I was bored
yesterday I decided to go shopping after 5 hours of chattttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt
yesterday @ around 4 I went to cap mall
yesterday I saw M + N there
yesterday I went to cactus club with them and had a belini (however u spell that)
yesterday I baught a sweater (before seeing M + N)
yesterday I saw A in CC and said hi
yesterday I saw N's sister @ bus stop and talked to her for a few minutes
yesterday I saw H + H on the bus and talked to them
yesterday I was happy because I'd managed to spend 3-4 hours with other people!!!!!

The Sky is the Limit = Good/ Bad?

I just think that it's scary that's all!

It lowers the level of security....if we had some limits we might have been able to try different things until we find them...but what shall we do when there's nothing to find? behind every door there is another door that needs to be open and another key that needs to be found.... but will there ever be a last door?

the pleasure of running is in the fact that there is a destination...a point where we can stop and say. "Yes, we finally made it"....
or ...another example is climbing up the mountain of everest....would people really start climbing up if they knew that there is no top? .......

maybe the problem with me is that I don't like mysteries because a mystery creates confusion and I'm tired of being confused!

Forgive me...I don't mean to be ungrateful BUT.....

Still tired...

It took me two days to realize that three days is not nearly enough break to take away the tiredness.

Hmmm...

Let's see what I did in these two days....

Yesterday I woke up at 10:30....I don remember if I chated or not....oh yes I did....but only for a short time...then had breakfast with my parents....then ironed my clothes...which took me about two hours! Oh now I remember I was trying to clean my room...anyways...that's what I was doing between 12 and 4: 30 ..of course sometime in the middle I had lunch....then I went to sleep until 7:30 .....after that I woke up...walked around...talked a bit.....then I was so bored....watched a movie until 11:30 .....boiled an egg (the easiest way to make egg but it turned to be quiet delicious in the end because I had it with some mayo..after it was finished I just had mayo and bread :D ) .... read a book until 2:30.........

Today woke up at 10 ...made breakfast......started cleaning my room again ( yes it is a big mess!!!) ...got rid of the winter clothes that needed to be washed so they can go into a chamedoon ....watched maury's show from 3-4 (they were showing some fascinating animals...some of them were sooo cute!)....then..... ok ....I did something that I shouldn't have done...went to a chatroom..that's right...I did...and I was chatting with someone until 6:30 .... watched something til 7.....got ready then took the bus to upper lonsdale to rent a movie and return my books (there were 6 of them but hadn't read any cause they were no good.. I actually read half of one but it was about some magical love so I stopped because it was way too unreal > X was so in love with the girl who had hidden her face under a black mask... but he had seen her mesmorizing eyes and could not stop thinking about them....BLUH BLUH BLUH) .....came back at 8:30 with the movie that I had planned to watch ...watched deal or no deal til 9....then the movie until now...it was kind of boring (memoirs of a geisha) ...maybe it was boring because I'd read the book ..donnow....

anyways....it's 12 o'clock now and since I have returned all my books I have nothing to do....so i'll probably go to sleep......

Paying it forward...

It's a great movie...every time I watch it I almost cry.....

I do wish that there were more people like that....

And it is true.....some people just come to a point where they can't do nothing for themselves...no matter how hard they try they just can't ....they need someone to take their hand and help them get up on their feet again..... and it's not something that can happen over night..... they need to be watched.....because they will want to sit back down again....but they'll need a reason not to.....

But so far in my life, except for in that movie, I've never seen anyone do it....and that's just sad.

Read My Mind!

Sometimes I wish people could read my mind....
There are some things that can not be said out loud but I almost feel that I need people to know them.....
I had thought about carrying cards with me so I can give them to whoever deserves to have one but then I thought that they might think I'm weird or crazy ... well I would think the same if I saw someone doing that but at the same time would admire their courage...

for example sometimes I see people who

1) have great personalities
2) are super kind
3) have nice eyes
4) are pretty
5) are handsome
6) are funny
7) or are easy to talk 2

I just think that they might not know how great they are ....
if people could easily give eachother compliments the world would become a much better place...
but too bad that can't happen....well it could but no one has the courage to do it.....

In the past year I've learned.....

1) Failure exists
2) People do change in a short time
3) The impossible is doable
4) Intelligence can crash u down
5) Being overconfident is a disadvantage
6) It's possible to NOT LEARN from mistakes...even if it's done 100 times and u are aware of it.....Once u get used to doing something it's almost impossible to stop.... no matter how wrong/ bad that "something" is
7) People are a lottt nicer and accepting than I thought
8) It's ok to be different
9) People have a lot ( too much ) influence on "one's" actions and thoughts
10) The people closest to u hurt you the most (without even knowing it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) to a point that u feel like ur nothing

I hate ignoring people....

It wasn't my fault... he was with his friend ..that's why I didn't say hi to him.... but I think just saying hi is so much easier than trying to avoid having an eye contact... anyways...the funny thing is that I never saw him before...but after seeing him on the bus 5 days ago I saw him again twice! two days ago and today..... he was with his friend again so I couldn't say hi :D

Haftei ke recordeh chat kardan shekaste shod....

14/02/2006 5:00 Pm - 15/02/2006 3:00 AM = 10 hours
15/02/2006 2:00 PM - 15/02/2006 7:00 PM = 5 hours
16/02/2006 9:37 PM - 7:30 AM = 10 hours
19/02/2006 6-7 PM = 1 hour
20/02/2006 10:40 AM - 6:00 PM = 7.5 hours

= 33.5

Lovable people....

Wow ....

A year ago I had no idea how gay people are like....then I got hired at a place where we have more than 6 people who are gay.....it's truely a joy to work with them.... they are 1) kind 2) funny 3) helpful 4) patient 5) good talkers 6) good listeners 7) easy to talk 2...they're so amazingly nice and adorable!

Happiest moment in the past year was...

oo I actually have two!

1) at the end of summer when they called me and said I have been hired!

2) when I went to work and realized that I have a day off ... I was actually jumping up and down clapping because I really wanted to have that day off so I can study for my exam!

Honesty = Good / Bad?

We can never say that being honest is a bad thing but we live in a world where honesty is not appreciated....

eg.1 A girl wrote on her resume that she's only here until August and is looking for a P/T job. The managers didn't even bother reading her application form...however, the company hires MANY people who quit after only 1/2 monthes....

eg.2 I remember once in grade 10 (when I was so young and innocent + thought that skipping a class is the biggest crime in the world) I went to my teacher and told her that I wasn't there on the day when we had the quiz....she asked me if I'd skipped and....guess what my answer was?

I think it's these kinds of experiences that make us become better liars as we age ..... and it comes to a point when u don't even notice when u lie.... but be careful.... u might wake up one day and realize that ur dishonesty has hurt the people u've cared about the most.....

در آن كوير درختي غريب را
محروم از نوازش يك سنگ رهگذر
تنها نشسته اي
بي برگ و بار زير نفسهاي آفتاب
در التهاب
در انتظار قطره باران
در آرزوي آب
ابري رسيد
چهر درخت از شعف شكفت
دلشاد گشت و گفت
اي ابر اي بشارت باران
آيا دل سياه تو از آه من بسوخت؟
غريد تيره ابر
برقي جهيد و چوب درخت كهن بسوخت

:-/

Mr X: Hi
Ms X: Hi
Mr X: How are u
Ms X: Good and u?
Mr X: Good Thanks
Ms X: How is your gf?
Mr X: She's good, thanks for asking
Ms X: That's good.
Mr X: Yea I can't believe that we've been together for almost a year now.
Ms X: :)
Mr X: Did you know that u were my first friend when I moved here?
Ms X: Was I? that's so cool.
Mr X: Yea, remember I asked u out but u didn't wanna come out with me?
Ms X: :D
Mr X: I used to think about u every day
Ms X: :-"
Mr X: Yea, I always prayed that I would see u etc.
Ms X: Awww, well u were new here and u just wanted to have a gf.
Mr X: No, I knew many girls, but I wanted to go out with U.
Ms X: hmmm, interesting!
Mr X: :D, I'm gonna go to bed now, Have a good night
Ms X: you too, talk 2 u later.

( I dont understanddddd...why would someone who has a gf and loves his gf say these things to someone else? is that normalll? hmmm...weird )

Wake... from your sleep
The drying of your tears
Today.. we escape
We escape.

Breathe... keep breathing
Don’t lose.. your nerve.
Breathe... keep breathing
I can’t do this.. alone.

Sing us a song
A song to keep us warm
There’s such a chill
Such a chill.

Dry your tears
We escape
We escape today

Refresh.....

I just bought 3 skirts and a jacket........

That oughta keep my mind occupied for a few hours......

So I'm gonna try to clean my room while this renewed energy lasts........

;)

LOL

for the first time, I went to a party and actually had fun! Thanks to me, I did something that I never thought possible! It was pretty awkward but now that I think about it I am glad that I did it...good experience! lool :D

Too bad I'm not a poet........

Good Question!

"Are men [and women!!!] so blinded by beauty that they would feel priviledged to live their lives with an actual demon, so long as it was a beautiful demon?"

Memoirs of a Geisha
pg. 262

:( 2

galoom yeh joorieh.......khodaa koneh sarmaa nakhoram........ahhhhhh man nemikham sarmaa bokhorammmmmmmmmm...........

Badjoori Khastam

yeki az oon khastegiaieh ba esteraahat kardan dorost nemishe

dobaareh emrooz az khab bidar shodam saram kheyli sangin bood.....

nemidoonestam fekreh aadamam vazn daareh!

:(

I wasted my whole day.......

sob ke az khaab boland shodam kheyli khoshhal boodam...saat 8 bood....(man ma'moolan har chi zoodtar bidar sham khoshhal taram i donnow why!) .......anyways...... ba khodam goftam ke ta saat 12 otaghamo jamo joor mikonam ba'desham miram yekam piade ravi chon havaa kheyli aali bood.....ammmmaaa........

dobare gereftam khabidam....saat 9 bidar shodam.....dige hoseleh hichkario nadashtam......raftam bara khodamo maamaanam coffee doros kardam....bad ke oon raft man neshastam too jaam...fekr kardam ke ah hosele hich kario nadaram.....taa saat 10 o nim intora dashtam fekr mikardam ke chera intori bi hal shodam o in post e ghablio neveshtam.........ba'd khabam gereft dobare khabidam taa saat davazdah .....bad too jaam neshastam hamintori ahang goosh dadam...taa davazdaho nim....

dige boland shodam goftam yeh kari bokonam...yadam oftad saat 3 Dr Phill dare o bara hamin nemitoonam az khooneh beram biroon.......ba'desh neshastam be badbakhtiam fekr kardam ....... vaaghean harchi fekr mikonam tamoom nemishe.....behtaram nemishe :( ........dige yekam naahaar khordam.........dr phill negaah kardam........ba'd hoselam sar raft.....didam ba fekr kardan be jaayi nemiresam.......vase hamin raftam too in chat rooma ba chand ta adame mozakhraf yekam harf zadam.......dige shode bood saat 7 ke baabaam oomad......baa oon tv nega kardimo harf zadim ta 8 ke american idol dasht.......ta 9 oono........taa alanam ba ye nafar chat mikardamo chan ta she'r khoondam vali hichkodoom ghashang nabood ke inja benevisam......alaanam daram miram bekhaabam.......kheyli khoshhalam ke taa akhare hafte har rooz sare kaaram......

fe'lannnnnnn goodnight

Javoonaayeh Iraani

Ghesmate 1,2,3 ro bekhoonid.......az paayine safhe shoroo mishe.......

http://www.intstory.blogspot.com/

Problem =

1) can't get this because of that......
2) can't do that because of this.....
3) can't fix this because of that.......

and they all keep going around this circle ......

until ....the ......end .........of ......... time

Nice Poem

سهل و ممتنع
هستم و نيستم
قانون عشق همين است
آن قدر ممتنع كه هرگز
با آن همه تفكر خالص كه داشتي
قادر به شرح قاعده ي آن نبوده اي
توضيح قاعده
كار فلاسفه است
كاري به اين امور ندارم
من
تنها همين كه شب
با آرزوي بودن تو صبح مي شود
قانون گرم عشق مرا شكل مي دهد
اين قدر سهل كه هرگز
ميدان يك تفكر خالص
قادر به جذب قاعده ي آن نمي شود

Who are u?

u donnow?

Let me give u a tip.......

you can learn A LOT about urself through interaction with others........

there's no way that u can decide who u are and what u like unless u talk to others.......

I seriously did not know that until i was about 17 ...... someone told me that one of the reasons why *** likes to talk to me is because *** can learn more about ***self through talkin' to me........

I got so offended by it at first.........but then i started doin it myself...and realized that it actually worx!

در راه مانده ای
ای چشم تو به قله
اندیشه می کنی
آیا توان رسیدن هست
آیا کدام قله
پایان راه تواند بود ؟
جز در خیال اوج فرودی نیست
شاید
تصویر چشم توست
آنچه که می جویی
شاید ضمیر توست
راهی که با زمانه
فراپویی
در خویش مانده ای
بگذر از این ملالت سنگین
که باز خواهی رست

در چاه خو گرفته بود و نمی دانست
عادت چه پای بندیست
روزی
از چاه سر کشید
اطراف خویش گلستان دید
همچون نسیم
از برگ برگ هستی
راز نهان شنید
این بار
از خویشتن برآمد
شاید که رازهایی
ناگفته مانده باشد
جایی نه دور لانه کرده باشد
بیهوده پای به هر سنگ می کشید
هر سوی بیکرانه ولی
جایگاه ماران بود
در راه غرقه
کوله بار تجربه هایش
بر دوی بادپای سواران بود

I love my weblog!

lol ....

seriously..whenever i get angry/sad/lonely i start writing things here and believe it or not it makes me feel better! i feel a lot better now..... i'm gonna go to bed and try to get some sleep...... hope I don't wake up in the middle of the night again! it happend 2 nights in a row... :( .....

good night :)

OMG

i've made a total fool out of myself....... if I could go back I'd have never started it.....

o well...

live and learn!

ooops

people are actually starting to think that i'm crazy! how great is that? badbakhtimoon kam bood inam behesh ezaafeh shod!

but i'm so proud of myself..... i really don't like to chat anymore.... except with my friends... well they're not my "friends" but i kinda know them.....anyways.....that was the good news ..the bad news is that, as u can see, i'm getting bored out of my mind...... :( ..... i will either end up in a timarestan .....or ...... i donnow what? just can't seem to move on... and if u've read my other "posts" u'd know why!

sigh

نه شهرهاي ويران نه باغهاي سبز

دنياي پيش رومان برهوتيست

تا آنسوي نهايت تاهيچ

ديگر در ما شور گلايه هم نيست

شور گلايه از بد دشنام با بدي

ديگر در ما شور مردن هم نيست

رود شقاوت ما جاريست

تا چشمه سار خشك شكايت تا هيچ

:(

This is harder than I thought

I had the day off today...and i feel like i'm goin out of my mind.....I'm gonna be off tomorrow as well... ahhhhh.....i wish i could work 24/7......... i don wanna have any time to think :(

So Special , Yet So Lonely

Once upon a time there was a little pine tree
Living a good life happy and free

He felt so special among the others on the ground
Because there wasn't any other of his kind around

One day he looked up and saw that the sun was gone
There were only clouds up there running and havving fun

All of a sudden BOOM, there was a sound
The clouds started crying and wetting the mound

In the little Pine's eyes everything was changing
Everyday it was cold and the sky was raining

He couldn't recognize his friends because they'd lost their leaves
After that he was never the same which is what everyone believes

Eventhough he was the only tree that was alive in the fall
It wasn't something that he cared about at all

The spring came and everything was green again
But he didn't talk to the trees because he knew the sky would someday rain
Which to him meant that his friends will be once more gone
And that would make him live through the winter all alone

Written by me for my english 12 class ;)

Dead End

there's no way around it!

Hit with the reality......

Have you ever thought about the meaning of this expression?

well ..... the reality can actually hit you......and let me tell you .....when it does it hits u so hard u'll never fully recover!

Still Haven't Found........

The ONE

part of me is missing and I can not move on until I find that missing part......

I basically can NOT....... and i guess I proved that when I chose not to study and get bad marx!

Can not move on..can not go on...til that other half is found.......

like seriously.....this is no joke.... i used to be able to push myself forward....For example, I locked myself inside my house for 3 freakin monthes so I can study and get good marks.....that was last term.....and the turn outs...lets just say that they weren't so good.....when u don't have a healthy life u can not expect to have a healthy future.....at some point......your heart or your mind ( i donnow which) do force u to sacrifice something big in order to have some fun and enjoy ur life! and even though u know for sure that u just have to work hard, for example in my case study study study so I can transfer, a stronger force distracts u .......don't ask me where this force comes from because I have nooooo clue........( i wish i did ... so I could destroy it :D )

but yea....u end up like me.........still GIJO MABHOOT BEYNE BOODANO NABOODAN

donnow when and where or how to find it...... it's the biggest mystery of my life.....and i just know that nothing will improve until I find it.......

go ahead and call me needy/desparate/weak/dependent

i'm not ashamed of facing the truth!

*~.~.~.~.~.~.~*

دست از طلب ندارم تا کام من بر آید

یا تن رسد به جانان یا جان زتن بر آید

Wishful Thinking!

it's good to be honest but not too honest!

sometimes u tell people ur deep thoughts and feelings and hope that they'd understand....and when they don't .....well it's just frustrating.... u end up getting embarrassed......and that's all there's to it!