I need to believe...

That something extraordinary is about to happen.......

Sometimes in life you reach a point where the only comfort that you can give yourself after a failure is believing in that...

It has worked for me in the past, specially after my biggest failure, and I hope for it to happen again.....

Ever since my "failure" in September this is what I have been telling myself..... the next few weeks will give me an answer to my questions........

THANK YOU GOD

Can a dream come true?

I will let you know if it will.

Trying to stay calm and happy......

Wish me the best.....

Yes I have found what will make me happy without hesitation and it feels so right and it will TRULY be a dream come true........

GOD HELP ME

I WILL FOREVER BE GREATFUL

THIS IS IT......THIS IS THE BIGGEST WISH THAT I WILL HAVE.....
1) SCHOOL
2) JOB
3) RELATIONSHIP

1>2>3

Life is fast approaching and I....

Well I..... need time!

I'm in a bluh mood but let's end the night with this song ...

Taneh rood ham hameyeh aam
Man poraz vasvaseyeh khaab
Vaase royaayeh residan
Maneh bi hoseleh bitaab

Miooneh baavaro tardid
Miooneh eshgho moamma
Baa to har nafas ghanimat
Baa to har lahzeh yeh donya

Baa to por shooro neshatam
Too hayaahooye negaatam
To ye aaghaazeh ghashangi
Man too aahangeh sedaatam

Mesleh khande roo labatam
Mesleh ashk, roo gooneh haatam
Toro miboosamo engaar
Shaaereh she're cheshaatam

Naghsheh poone haayeh vahshi
Rangeh eltemaaso khaahesh
Mojeh khaakestarieh baad
Sho'leye garme navaazeh

Biaa gol vaajeye eshgho
Baa to hamseda bekhoonam
Toro doost daramo ey kaash
Taa abad baa to bemoonam

To be or not to be...

Independent!

All my life I've enjoyed my independence. Having said that, I've always felt like I secretly want to be dependant! I have always, in my subconcious, wanted someone to come and rescue me. Not that I need to be rescued, I just think that I have the potential to be better if I found the right person to live with. In other words, I'm looking for someone to complete me!

lol

Ok... fingers crossed to hear back from the person that I e-mailed about the house inquiry....

My feeling of moving is slowly getting there... right now it's at around 65%

In "eshgh" peida kardana (donbaleh "eshgh" gashtana) vaase maa aabo noon nemisheh .. gotta work hard!

As my friend said, I started VERY late in my search for love.... I know that... but I hope that it's not too late (it may sound like I'm contradicting myself but I'm just saying that I'm shifting my priorities, not eliminating them)

As the mind changes.....

Somehow I'm trying (not really even trying) to get out of the find/go out w friends mood and beginning to realize that it's important for me to find a job! I'm slowly changing my focus..... I've become comfortable with what I have and..... I don't like it!

Yes, I'm enjoying life.... so why am I complaining? Because I feel like I'm happy with all the distractions that I've created for myself.....

No, I can't say that's a bad thing. Maybe this is how it should be ...... it's one of those situations where I don't know the difference between right or wrong.... I just feel like the "show" must go on..... this should not be the end..... I should not settle....

I feel like this should not be the end and I should not be happy with what I have (even though the way I feel (happy) proves me otherwise logically I think that I should not be happy because I'm just wasting time!)

Having said that, I'm just praying everyday that god shows me the right way and helps me choose the right path because that's all I can ask for..... I am slowly deciding on moving back to Ottawa and hope for the best.......

I am also applying and hoping that things will work out.....

Vaghteh raftan baaz gooyam kam nahaadam kam neshastam.....

Not entirely that...... just thought I should use that title.......

How am I going to make him part of my past and move on? There has to be a way!

He keeps sending me random texts (some sweet, most not) which remind me of him...... I don't want to lie to anyone....... there's a small part of me that wants to get to know him more despite all the bad things that he has done to me!!! I don't even know what happened anymore...... I really don't...... was I just a fool in a bad relationship..... was I the cause of the bad relationship? define a good relationship!

Just can't seem to move on.....

God please help me.........

Have I been too demanding? I think I have! I'm sorrry.... but I need your help......thanks for everything...... I mean EVERYTHING!

Gotta get this out of my system!!!

I have a confession to make:

The fun is over! For the past little while, I had based my happiness on my little crushes here and there.... until last night when I was faced with the reality. Between the people whom I may have considered, one finally stood out and I decided to pursue him by meeting up with him in gatherings or making events just to see him. So now that I have, I am certain that I would not mind a future with this guy. However, there are two problems:

1) He had a long term gf until 1 year ago who moved to Iran and I'm not sure if they are trying to keep a long distance relationship or if he is trying to move on....

2) I don't know what to do next anymore!!!! I have never asked anyone out, specially when I am so uncertain about their relationship status, and specially when I like them so much!!!!!!!!

He has not made any BOLD moves to make me believe he is interested....well he did a few things but there are not that explicit!!!!!!

GOD help me... show me the way....... I am :( again and I don't want to be!!!!!

Thank you god so much for such a wonderful family..... I LOVE MY FAMILY

Areh khiseh cheshaam...vali nemikhaam... ke delet besoozeh baraam....

I'm slowly recovering from the flu........

Anyways....... I'm considering going there....... but I'm considering not even seeing him... like AT ALL.....

I have to come to terms with some things.... GOD PLEASE HELP ME MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION

GOD PLEASE HELP HIM

I don't know why he's so cruel? I once wanted to tell him that he responds negatively/w a negative comment to everything I send him...... today I was proven right! I sent him a joke about how when a girl says no to a guy even more than once he's ok w it but as soon as he says no even once the girl gets mad... and I gave him an example by saying how I always got mad/ cried when he said no to me too... and u know what he said? he said that's a CONDITION THAT I HAVE.... the fact that I cry is a condition!!!!!!!

I got mad at him..... not because of what he said.... but because he's ALWAYS like this......always telling me that the way I am / the things I do / the things other people do are wrong!!!! Which goes back to me telling you that he's a verbal abuser......

Have a good day!

I'm not gonna let this ruin my day  caz I'm going out w a bunch of guy which includes a guy I have a crush on :D

Here is home.....

I hope I make the right choices......

I was invited to go back to work from end of March to beginning of June......

My sister cried and doesn't want me to go?!!?!!

Most importantly, amazingly enough, I have come to love this city and I appreciate living here...

Secondly, HE is there (as I have said before) which makes me not want to go all the more.....

Thirdly, I am working on a love situation here..... I have kind of made my choice.... he is SO cute!!!!

ALL I CAN HOPE AND PRAY FOR IS TO GET AN INTERVIEW AT THE JOB I APPLIED TO AND GET HIRED..... THAT WOULD BE A DREAM COME TRUE

blemishes........

It's amazing what it does to one's confidence!!! Maybe that's also a sign...... I mean why so many? I didn't even have any chocolate! lol

I'm sorry but the truth is that.......

I sometimes catch myself thinking about him....

Like just now, I was thinking of going to this really nice romantic restaurant that I've never been to (for breakfast because that is after all my favorite meal of the day!!) and I thought for a second how wonderful it would be if I could go with him if he comes to Vancouver sometime in the near future!!!! And then I thought about how happy I would be while sitting with him, and that I would hug him after and go for a walk along the water.... as I was day dreaming I suddenly realized what I was doing and stopped myself!

Don't get me wrong, sometimes I have the opposite feelings for him too. Thinking that I'm so lucky that it didn't work out because, if it had, he would've drived me crazy.... and then I thought if I were ever pregnant with him I'd get mad at him so much that my baby would be harmed!!!! BUT THEN I remembered what he said about him becoming a "different man" once he is done with his exam. AND THEN I though who am I kidding; he's never going to change!

And at that thought, or the though above that because that's what I thinking when I started writing here, I'm going to say good night! lol

ps I am going to this party tomorrow night, but I got sick yesterday and it's not looking good.... WHY GOD WHY? lol but to be honest I'm like maybe it wasn't meant to be........ but all the dreams about me dressing up nicely and meeting the right guy at this party....... oh well........

Good night....... :)

Ba hamim amma in residan nist
Oon ke donyaame asheghe man nist

In hagham nist in hame tanhaayi vaghti to injaai vaghti mibini boridam

In hagham nist,, hagheh man ke yek omr, ba to boodam ammaa, ba to rooze khosh nadidam (not entirely true)

Ba hamim amma, pisheh ham sardim In ye taskineh, in ke hamdardim...

To yeh shab miri ghalbeh to daryaast
Bar nemigardi, chon delet oonjaast

Kheyli dargiri, kheyli ashoobi
Kheyli maloomeh, ke dari miri