News...

I finally broke up with him......

We were out for 7-8 hours and I finally found the courage to tell him that I don't want to continue with him as anything more than just friends because I am leaving in a few weeks......

And he said that makes sense........

So now we are just friends........

He hasn't message me yet........ and I feel :-| ...

I can't say I am happy...... but I'm not sad either...... starting something was stupid to begin with.........It's better to end things sooner than later.....

Too ghalbam toro daram, ageh khooneh be doosham...

Man in aalameh eshgho... be aalam naforoosham.......

The ONLY singer that he can't stand is Homeyra! :)) I had a good laugh at that....

Just to update all y'all: I invited him for dinner 2 nights ago on Thursday night, and since I have such an innocent mind and wasn't really looking for anything (if it was someone else maybe I would have but not this time!) I was surprised when he asked me about when I'm going to invite him to my room! I was really kind of shocked..... What is he thinking, seriously? Or what am I thinking for inviting him at night and not expecting anything? Anyways, I wasn't even that excited to have him over... I was looking for jobs until 10 mins before he got here........ that's just me in general these days....... I'm in another world again!

I think it's clear for me that I don't want to be in a relationship right now! Especially with a bache joojeh!!! OMG if he ever reads this he's going to be upset...... he's so nice, kind and sweeeeeeeet..... but I feel like I'm going out with a 17 year old.... he's still a baby..... and even if I were to consider anyone, that person would have to be a MAN....... not a kid..... he is not immature....... he's just not my type.... he tried lifting me up..... and obviously he couldn't ....... and obviously because of having herculues as my last BF I have high expectations..... he put me on his neck for god's sake.... and this one can't even lift me up..... but this is just an excuse...... I wouldn't mind if my crush in Vancouver can't lift me up...... lol ......

Yes, my mind is all over the place...... but for now no kids are allowed! To top this off, the crazy person that I am, I sent my x-bf (HT) a text msg last night asking him if he wants to go to NY with me..... I was thinking it for an hour and finally sent it...... I was so excited in that hour....... at first I was thinnking of telling my friend from work...... but then this came to my mind and I couldn't stop but wanting to do that!!!!

What I need to do first is FIND A F*CKING JOB...... yes I said it!!!!

I'm so bad that I didn't even msg him to say goodnight last night...... I have to somehow break the news to him.....

So sussup?

I think it's necessary for me to write this here because I want to be able to look at this one day and hopefully understand the decision pattern that I'm making today...

I went back to BC for the weekend and saw EV with other friends for lunch. I realized that I still have a huge crush on him.... and as for the guy here....... I really like him...... not as much as EV...... I'm more attracted to EV and he seems like a much better choice for me. The only problem is still that I don't know how he feels about me. The guy here likes me a lot...... he always says he misses me and is so nice and predictable which is something rare to find specially between the persian crowd. However, at the same time the fact that I'm more than likely going to be here for maybe a month more makes me worry and not want to do anything at all. He's completely a kid and as much as he has the potential to be super nice and everything and he will do anything for me if he was told to do so, I feel like he's still learning a lot himself and is still at a stage where he needs someone to take care of him more than the other way around.

I'm so confused.. I don't want to just go to him and end things with him because he is so nice......

I was talking to my friend about how there's always a battle between the heart and the brain...... and it was an interesting concept to talk about. I shall focus on it more in the future when analyzing my relationships.

Cual es la problema avec moi?

A minute ago I didn't know ..... but now I know!
Big lack of self esteem...... I don't know how I'm going to ignore it forever!!!!

I'm sure I've written about this "new guy" ..... on Saturday we went out .... it was a good day...... Sunday night it was amazing..... I don't know what made me like him so much...... but today I lost my feelings for him!!!! I don't know why......I think he didn't give me enough "signs" to let me know that he's into me.... so I got "turned off" ...... but now I told him I like quebec city..... and he said let's go there together.......and my feelings came back?!

wtf?!

conclusion: all I need is a sign to see someone is interested >> leads me to fall in love..... equally what leads me to fall out of love is lack of attention!!!!

What shall one do?

To be continued......