My people and I

The truth is that I almost 100% surely don't like the people on the facebook that are my so called "friends"

Don't get me wrong........ I'm not saying they are bad people or anything........ in fact a lot of them are absoloutely amazing...... the only thing is that I don't know how to keep friendships....... and therefore, I have made a big decision today....... yes I have decided to get rid of my profile.... I don't want to do foozooling on them anymore because that's just not worth my time!!!!!!

AN and I were supposed to hang out today....... and he called and said doesnt wanna come....... so I'm like whatever!! seriously..... i'm so tired of this bs ........... if they dont wanna be around me then that's fine....... like i don wanna force people to like me and spend time with me....... they have better things to do I'm sure...........

currently I'm looking for a place for myself........... wish me luck on that!! and hope that I make the right choice :)

Divided...........

Everything was the same until I came to the realization that I need to know more! Not because I had to.......but because I wanted to............

Then I felt torn between my two cultures........... the culture that I have been trying to adapt to for so long and the culture that needs to be thought of as part of the past, not the future

Everytime I try to read something about whatever is going on in my home country I feel like it's more important for me to read more about the country that I'm living in right now........ and then ..... I don't do either............ because ..... lack of motivation? or time? I don't know...... then I forget all about them........ and when I come across info about "the past" I feel like why should I waste my time when I don't live there anymore? But I know that I need to know........ not because I want to but becaue I have to...........

hmmmm ......... what can u conclude from that? this is how it feels when you don't really know even at times when you feel like you do know!

Foozoooolllll

Is there something wrong with being genuinely interested in what people are up to? And by people I mean strangers....... and by strangers I mean mostly persian strangers......

Let's say I go to a profile and that person's status says "I'm so excited" ........ then I really seriously want to know why that person is excited....... like I like to actually send them a message asking why?

I'm crazy aren't I?

My recent news after foozooling into "someone's" (VJ) profile is that he is going to be throwing a party on Sunday and he's going to have a big announcement to make......... I think he's going to announce "their" engagement.........*sigh*

(hanoozam doosesh daram.......vaghean mitoonam begam doosesh daram.....vali hamoonghadr ke doosesh daram hanoozam nemidoonam dar moredesh nazaram chie vaghti az nazdik bebinamesh....... )

Or maybe not....... I don't know........and I don't care...........

Today was a booooooring day......... I woke up at ten........and by 3 I was ready to get out of the khouse but then I realized that by the time I get to the mall it'll be around 5 and I didn't want to come home after my parents ...... because of....... last night.........so I decided not to go anywhere....... and atthe end of the day when they came home dad made papcorn for mom........which is good :D :D :D

Tomorrow is gonna be a better day because I'll go shopping........ maybe not for myself but still :D :D yayyyyyyy!

Thinking about......

OTHERS!

You know...... I'm beginning to think that it's very VERY important for me to start thinking about others..........specially my family........ my role as a daughter to my parents........... it's important for me to seriously think about helping them emotionally and financially from now on....... I mean I have always tried to help emotionally..... eventhough it's really difficult for me at times when I go to school I get so worried about school that I lose all my energy over it and feel like I have no more energy to help the family........

So you may think ..... ok ........ that's just two people.......... mom and dad............what about the others? and I would say? what about them? or actually what others?

Hmmm... that's exactly why I dont have any friends!!! I dont have no time for them...... so......

Money is the solution! If I could give more money to my family then they'd be happy and I wont have to worry about them......... then I can go and find some friends!

22 years old.......... no friends..........

But I have a feeling that the future is looking bright!! :)

weewaawooo

wtf?

haha sorry

The thing is that I went for the interview today, AGAIN......and....... so I dtried to answer everything as good as possible............ and in the end, AGAIN, they said well we have a few more people that we have to interview........ so I was like hmm....... I'm not sure if I'm better than everyone!!!! so that's the story....... and also one of the interviewers was like a verrrry serious person....... and she had an intimitating look....... but I tried to stay as calm as possible.......

so dont ask me how I did........ I nailed some of the answers........and some others........not so much :D :D

But .... I donnow.........I am really hoping they call me ...... and most importantly I hope they offer me the jobbbbbbbb ....... YAY :D :D

Playing a new "game"?!?!

So here's what's been happening.........

I went to my first day of training on tuesday........ went to work on wednesday which was quiet enjoyful ......... and I was happy about the fact that I can leave all the "TD hassle" behind and look forward to making some good money and starting a new semester and maybe even moving into a new apartment? ( #2!)

But then one day out of the blue I get a call from TD again.......asking me to go for an interview AGAIN tomorrow!!! why can't they just freaking hire me???? maybe I should have said no....... but ...... I couldn't because I believe eveyrthing happens for a reason

But this time I'll be very disappointed if I don't get the job because ... lets face it ...it will be my third interview? well not really ...... the second....... but if I have learned from the first I MUST pass this one and get hired right?!

And if I do get hired ....... the thing is that I don't want to think about it now....... because what's the point of planning for something that hasn't happened yet??

So ..... let's just say I have some ideas........... and I will let u know what they are .......after the break! lol......... maybe I will tell u tomorrow at this time.......... but not tonight......so don't wait up ;)

A better day.............

Today was a good day...........eventhough nothing special happened............ I was at home all day w dad........then mom came.........

By the way P is back......... and I haven't called her...... and she didnt call me......... at first I was debating wether or not I want to talk to her......... but I guess not......... like even though I miss her we are just two different people......... like I can accept her as who she is because I honestly believe that she's a great/ successful/ intelligent/ caring person......... the only thing that I dont like about her is the fact that she judges people out loud......... which is ok.........because some people are just that way......... but I don't like it when she does that........ because sometimes I'm the victim...... and she tells me some discouraging things that really hurt......... so .........oh and her pov of the world is totally diff from mine...... she's mature........ and she has some beliefs and she stands by them...........I on the other hand am a free soul.......... I believe in everything...... I try to be ok w everything unless that thing hurts someone else........... things such as hurting other people's feelings and being negetive...... u know what I mean?!

I feel like I have successfuly pushed most people out of my life...... which is kinda what I wanted........ I want ( wanted) to start a new beginning by pushing myself out of the persian community (completely becaues janbe nadaaram!! even one can ruin it all for me! which is weird........ but I'm weird........... so it all makes since :D ) ......... so yea I want to try to blend in with non persian people ....... which I haven't done in the past 10 years!!! I think if I can do that then I can begin to succeed in some of the things I want........

I sometimes really really miss the past........ when I was like the smartest kid in class, and the kindest...... and when people were proud of me......... :( but it's ok :)

So my new mission is this:

1) forgetting about this "bank" job because I figured it's not gonna work out for me next semseter......like eventhough i really wanted to get the job I kinda didnt want it because I really want to be taking all my 5 courses + live on my own...... and if I got the job that wouldve meant me taking 4 courses......working on tue thu instead......... and living at home which is really not what I wanted :)

2) Getting a place near my school!!!! this is very important......... all my goals depend on this.... so i'm really really keeping my fingers crossed!!!!

3) Getting a job at school....... (really want 2 to happen ASAP!! I mean I told them i want the place.......... but why did they tell me they will call me in the future to let me know? what the heck!!! ...... why do I have to always be waiting for good things to happen to me??? they should call me The queen of patience!!)

4) Focusing on the courses I'm taking and getting really good marks in them because I'm freaking really really wanting to applly for my masters ...... that would be a dream come true!!

I feel like if I can get 2 then everything will fall into place............

so please..............please.............please!!!!

Back from camping

After 5 days of camping, from here to there and back, undr the rainy weather.......

Well, actually right now i dont want to talk about camping , maybe another time

At the end of the very long day last night, when we came home....... as always A was in a bad mood and started yelling.......... which ruined everyone's night, day, or even the whole trip!

So when we stepped into the apartment we were all in a bad mood......took a showr and went to bed..........

When m woke up in the morning she had a headache and kept going back to sleep........... and d is angry and sad and mad and d*** and doesnt want to talk to m.........

I'm bored and sad and frustrated........... dont know what to do.......as always.......... :(

BTW they had called from td and i wasnt here and when i called back today + left a messg the mngr didnt call back!

so u go figure how i am feling now

+ i'm watching a stupid "scary" move now called the fog which is adding to my great mood!!!

ciao for now