Dream!

haha...... I had the cutest dream right now...... I just woke up a few minutes ago at 2:30 I guess and I couldn't go back to sleep because my heart was beating so fast.......but I had a dream about one of my teachers.... I think I'd mentioned before that there's a teacher that I really like...... anyways.......believe it or not I don't remember what happened in the beginning of my dream exactly....all I remember is that there were a few people talking to him.....but he was so serious because he knows how cute he is! but after a while..... for some reason he started talking to me more...... and he smiled......and the next thing I remember is that he was kind of holding my hand....and we went up ..... to walk on top of these.....hmmm.....wires that are for electricity...... I don't know what it's called.....the ones that are connected by towers.....something like that.......anyways...... we weren't thinking about the electricity in it.......but I was afraid of the height...... i mean...... just imagine walking on wires..... so he was holding my hand as we were walking....... and I said...... thanks for asking for my opinion about doing this......(Sarcasticly!) ........ I'm really scared....... and he said ...... oh come on..... it's not that bad....... just don't look down....... so I fell like I was gonna fall a few times that's why my heart was beating so fast when I woke up...... we eventually got down and......got into the car......and my mom was there.... and the next thing I remember is being in the car with my mom..... have no idea where he went....but I wasn't worried abou that at that moment......because for some reason I was resting in the driver's seat.....and all of a sudden there was a traffic behind us......so I had to start driving ....... knowing that I can't drive ..... I begged my mom to take my place.......and she gave me kind of a dirty look of why do i always have to do everything.......and after a police car turned left in an intersection she was like ok fine.........and.......then I woke up!

yay!

Have you ever heard of the expression "terekoondan"

well........that's exactly what i'm going to do next week and the week after

in search of LOVE

I think i'm finally ready to move on

so ready or not......... here I come!

The end!

So I think that it's finally over

Because he has a gf

She's a great person

Right now I'm ok ....... I don't know if I'll be ok tomorrow

Hopefully I will be....... I'm gonna miss reading poems .........

But it's also a kind of relief......because everytime I thought about someone I stopped myself because of the (L) that I HAD for him...... but maybe now things can change......maybe good things will happen.......

well see

Ciao for now

I'm so scared

right now there's such a big negative energy in my house.......that's taking me down with it........ I feel so tired......... please god help me

EDIT

I do love my family......god knows how much I care about my family.........but the love I need......and the love I need to give is a different matter......that shall not be mixed with the love for my family ........

LOVE

wow.......

I can't believe it........

Well I Can........

I am in that stage of my life again..........where I am desperate for love.........

I mean I don't have a choice........it's not a matter of wanting it..........it's about NEEDING love

I need to find someone to love..........so I can feel like a human being...........

Maybe not even someone........something......... I need to be able to love someone....... or have feelings for someone........or something............

grrrrrrrr....no one probably understand me..........because everyone has someone to care for..........

except for me............

and one more thing.............it's that time of the year again.............that's right.....it's time to start the count down............. I'm almost 22

and the neat thing about that is........... well I was thinking the other day.........and I was like.......wow........ I'm going to be at a age where it'd be ok to think about having kids........that's right......I'm getting old............but I can expand my dreams now......... hahaha.........

and I was thinking..........that I'm getting old...........and the chance of me finding "the one" is becoming less and less every day.............because all the good ones are already taken........

it's stupid that I haven't had a bf yet............I mean it's stupid with all it's true meaning!

why can't I just fall in love.......like all these normal people?

why have I clinged to the idea of Mr. V ..........and why have I started to think so much about him???? since a week or 2 ago......I've been spending a lot of my time thinking about him.........and I'm just about to throw up......... I am begining to believe that nothing is ever gonna happen between the two of us........ but it seems like the only thing... the only light that's at the end of my dark tunnel ............is him.......... everything I do........... is kind of connected to him......... it seems like I am doing everything for him....... when I think about having money...........when I think about becoming a better person........... when I think about having a better future......all of it is because of him..........

but at the same time........there's uncertainty......... the one that stopped me from talking to him in the first place........... it was too good to be true........... that's why I ended it...........

sometimes I want to write him an email.........text message him..........or even call him and tell him that I love him............but what do I know about love? what if I see him in person ..........you know where I'm going with this.........

but there was this song that I was listening to today..........which explained everything almost so perfectly..............

نه میشه باورت کنم
نه میشه از تو رد بشم
نه میشه خوبه من بشی
نه میشه با تو بد بشم
نه دل دارم که بشکنی
نه جون دارم فدات کنم
نه پایه موندنه منی
نه میتونم رهات کنم
نه میتونه تو خلوتش دلم صدا کنه تورو
نه میتونم بگم بمون..نه میتونم بگم برو
کجا برم که عطره تو نپیچه تو یه لحظه هام
قصمو از کجا بگم که پا نگیری تو صدام
چه جوری از تو بگذرم تویی که معنیه منی
تویی که از منی اگر تیشه به ریشه میزنی
نه ساده ای نه خط خطی
نه دشمنی نه همنفس
نه با تو جایه موندنه
نه مونده راهه پیشو پس
نمیشه با تو باشمو اسیره دسته غم نشم
فقط میخوام با خواستنت تا هستم از تو کم نشم

and one more thing...... he seems to be so happy with that girl........I'm just not sure if he's in love.........

One sometimes gets lost by losing oneself..........

One sometimes gets even more lost by looking for one that was lost.......

And one sometimes spends too much time looking for the one that was lost that one doesn't see one!

And one sometimes doesn't care that one that was lost doesn't exist anymore, and one still looks for one!

How one is a lucky one for having one to care for one!

Holding hands

Man migam mano shekastan
Cheshmeh faanoosamo bastan

To migi KHODA BOZORGEH
maaho mideh beh shabeh man

Man migam.....akhe delam bood
oon ke oftaadeh too daamet

To migi saret salaamat
Ayneh haa zolaalo paakeh

Ineh ke faaseleh haaro
Nemishe baa geryeh por kard

Yekishoon bahaareh sarshaad
Yekishoon paayizeh por dard

Man migam faaseleh Margeh
Beyneh dastaayeh to baa man

To migi zendegi ineh
Haaseleh eshghe to baa man

laaaaaaaaay laay laay

hahaha.........this is probably going to sound really really pathetic........ but there's this guy ..... well ...... mexican guy .......... who offered to hold my hand......... because I was so nervous about the test.........and i can't believe how comforting that was.........

I'm almost 22.........and still no...........

But it was good to have him hold my hand......even for a few seconds....... wow........ that was.......MAGICAL......... hmmmmmmm........ :) :) :)

THANK YOU GOD

FOR TODAY

and help my friend ....... i can't believe they shot his dad!! so weird.......

Thank you god!

Khodaya mersi barayeh hameh chiz

Thanks for the energy that you've been giving me........ and my family....... please let us stay strong....... thank you so much............ I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

I LOVE YOU

I LOVE YOU

I LOVE YOU

What a day!

I had two toppings in mind as I was coming home today!

1= Don't worry be happy
2 = Not even that


So here's the story

At first I was really frustrated about something that happened today. So I was trying to comfort myself by trying to concentrate on positive things and I was thinking about the first topic and what I could write underneath it when I got home!

But then....... about 20 minutes after, as I was sitting on the bus, I just couldn't stop thinking about what had happened...... then I started thinking about my "best friend" ....... the friend that I don't talk to anymore.......and I was thinking of the reasons why I don't want to talk to her...... and thought maybe I should send her an e-mail and tell her why I haven't been calling her......... but then tears started running down my face! well that was an exageration......... I closed my eyes and took a deep breath........ tried not to cry........but I could feel that my eyes are getting wet .....so when I opened them tears were coming down....... I dried them really quickly because there were a lot of people on that bus!

Then I got on the sky train, and to distract myself I started doing my new fav activity which is filling in the Sukodu puzzle. So when I got off the sky train I went to the bus stop. As I was standing there I saw the guy that I had gone out with ( I think it was last year? or actually in January!) ..... anyways.....I'mnot sure if it was really him because his hair looked a lot better LOL but ....... um.......yea ...... so I was thinking how cool it'd be if he came and sat close to me! and that's what happened........but he actually sat right in front of me!!! so it was sooooooooo awkward........ OMG.......... I think I was blushing every few minutes LOL....... I'm so stupid......... but I didn't look at him at all......... which was so weird.......

): He was so good looking

I hope I see him again....LOL

omg....... I was so extremely sad a few hours ago........ but I think god did that to distract me........ so how can I NOT thank GOD?

I can't

So I WOULD LIKE TO THANK YOU GOD FOR EVERYTHING

AND I MEAN EVERYTHING