The reason...

I would have preferreed to be dumped rather than hear what I heard

It hurts too much to know that someone so incredible is hurting

I want a miracle... I want him to heal and not suffer...He is amazing... I want him to enjoy life like all others.., I want happiness for him.., god please help him to be at peace..,

And please help me do the right thing

My strategy of dealing w the reality:

Sleep! And then sleep some more

New day...

I woke up this morning feeling fine... I think I was crying a lot yesterday... I wrote him a letter too... eish me luck

I’ve never fought for love

I’ve never done it.... I have always just walked away... no questions asked

Not sure if that’s what adults do...

A dream is a wish your heart makes
When you're fast asleep
In dreams you will lose your heartaches
Whatever you wish for, you keep

Have faith in your dreams and someday
Your rainbow will come smiling through
No matter how your heart is grieving
If you keep on believing
The dream that you wish will come true

Taghdim beh eshgheh faraari...

deleh hishki mesleh man ghorbateh injaaro nadaare
Digeh harfaayeh alaaghe hameh mordan too delam
Mesleh gonjishkaayeh bi loone o bi jaayeh mahalleh
Digeh hich jaa too derakhtaa jaayeh man nist keh beram

(Taghdim be eshgh ke az man faraarie)

Baa to boodan kheyli vaghte ke gozashte
Bi to boodan mesleh mohreh sar neveshte
Digeh esmeh toro hey zemzemeh kardan
Vaase man na to mishe na farghi daareh

(To=eshgh)

Baaroone az sare shab hamash mibaare
Too goosham daad mizaneh hamash minaale
Digeh hishki mesleh man ghorbateh injaaro nadare
Zendegi arzeshe in hame ashkaaro nadareh

In eshgh, eshgheh ba partnere na har eshghi

Az oon vaghtaast keh delam mikhaad bemiram

Magar in nist keh afkaareh man haghighato tashkil mideh? Pas delam mikhad hamin emshab zelzeleh biaado man bemiram! Na az in marg haayeh dardnaak... margeh dar jaa...

Velam konid... delam mikhaad khaahmgin baashamo ghor bezanam

Man oon vasat masataa ghodratamo va lavand boodanamo az dast daadam... ino khodam hes kardam... 

Dobaareh az no misaazamat vatan:*

Taa mano daari gham nadaashteh baash... khodaayish ino jeddi migam... khodetam midooni... faghat doost daari loos baazi dar biaari :) ❤️

Khodaayaa shokret

Vali yeh sheri goosh daadam ke kheyli be delam neshast

Sharesb mikonam bahatoon

10:40 of January 26th

that’s when it happened... it all happened with a call... he said he is not sure why but he doesn’t want this... that there is something that makes him unsure... and he doesn’t like that feeling

I think I’m just shocked... I cried but I don’t want to cry... actually I was not shocked... this is what I expected ... I can’t not give off this feeling... I think it’s about my energy... I can’t hide my energy

The funny thing is that I feel like he will come back... just like all the other times...I feel like they will come back

Anyway... I am not planning to jump into any other relationship for now

Vaaghean khaatam... nice play...

Maneh khosh baavaro begoo keh fekr mikardam endafe baa ghabl kheyli fargh mikone...

Che kasi khaahad did
Mordanam raa bi to
Bi to mordam mordam
Gaah mi andisham
Khabareh margeh maraa baa to che kas migooyad

Aan zamaan keh khabareh marge maraa mishenavi
Kaashki mididam
Shaaneh baalaa zadanat raa bi gheyd
Va tekaan daadaneh sar raa keh mohem nist ziaad
Kaashki mididam

Che kasi baavar kard
Jangaleh jaaneh maraa
Aatashe eshgh bood keh khaakestar kard...

Nemidoonam chera geryeh mikonam enghad... aadam baayad ashkesho paayeh kasi berizeh keh aadam baasheh

Tamaameh she'r haayeh asheghaneyeh donyaa ro be to taghdim mikonam... baa eshgh

Ey to keh dar tamaameh man jaari shodi, ey khoobeh man. Az to beh khod residam va tamaameh aasheghaaneh haa dar yek kalaam, dar to kholaaseh mishavand. To keh khodeh mani. Va che zibaa ghalbeh man raa dar dast gerefteh e, va che mehrabaaneh aan raa navaazesh mikoni. Ey to keh baa man hamsafar shodi va gaam beh gaam beh man nazdiko nazdiktar mishavi... eshgh ro baa to mani kardam ey keh to khodeh eshghi, khaalesaaneh va bi bahaaneh doostat daaram. Fardaa raa nemidaanam vali taa emrooz doostat daaram va aayandeh raa baa to rangino roshan mibinam, beh roshanieh aaftaab, sarneveshteh maa baa ham ragham khordeh, va man, manto raa doost midaaram, eshgheh man. Beh omideh fardaa haayi be shirinieh dirooz va emrooz.

And the love continues

You're the light, you're the night
You're the colour of my blood
You're the cure, you're the pain
You're the only thing I wanna touch
Never knew that it could mean so much, so much

You're the fear, I don't care
Cause I've never been so high
Follow me through the dark
Let me take you past the satellites
You can see the world you brought to life, to life

So love me like you do, la-la-love me like you do
Love me like you do, la-la-love me like you do
Touch me like you do, ta-ta-touch me like you do
What are you waiting for?

Fading in, fading out
On the edge of paradise
Every inch of your skin is a Holy Grail I've got to find
Only you can set my heart on fire, on fire
Yeah...

Feeling blessed...

I am so thankful for everything that happened in the past few weeks and all the fun that I am having with Astro and my other friends. I feel a bit inadequate on Sunday nights and I am trying to figure out why... I need to continue to live my own life and have him as part of my life rather than all of it...

And out of all the things that I’m grateful fors

I’m grateful for having the willpower to change...

Yesterday I found out that the man I like has not had an easy past... I choose to stay with him anyway because people change

Today is a very special day for me and the past year was one of the most amazing years for me

Delam gerefteh ast... opportunity for growth

I have no idea why... it could be my hormones but “my” weekend is over and I feel lost...  I felt weird when he came over because ut’s that time of thr month and I was hungry so we just hung out... anyway... I’m sure tomorrow will be a better day and we will be ok but when he left I felt like I have disappointed him and he said something about our different backgrounds making us different that made my heart sink... I don’t know why though... I will be ok... maybe I need to go to the gym... that’ll make me feel better!

I also think that I need to focus on me and my needs a bit more... I have bit given back to the community in a while abd I need to do that