Perception and presence

I'm fine...I really am

I have decided to give myself time... I'm only human... I cant be mad for sometimes getting sad... After all, I did just break up!

Instead of sending him irrational texts or even rational ones, I should wait and see if that's all I want to say... Cant message him with every thought that comes to my head

Logical thing is that I know I did the right thing

Another one ended...

To be honest with you, I'm not that sad... I've been dead since September but my death was just announced today... "Are you free tonight? I miss you"... And my answer to him was a sad goodbye ... I told him he is free to continue dating other girls... And he just said ok and that I will always have a place in his heart... To which I should have replied with a middle finger but I didn't...

Surprisingly I have not given up on love... I know that there's someone else waiting for me...

But at the same time I'm tired of everything and just want to disappear from life for a while...

I'm just so so tired... I think I should apologize to myself the most for putting myself through this... But it happened so fast that I didn't even have time to think... We went from 24/7 together to 0 to a request from him to break up... I should have... But at that time I thought it's impossible that this will not work out... But I guess the impossible is possible...

Next...

P.s. As much as I'm tired I am excited about a bunch of other things... :)

Khodaayaa shokret

Khodaayaa shokret
Khodaayaa shojret
Khodaya shokret

I love you so much!

Falling out of love...

One of my biggest fears and something that I can't comprehend

On the bright side...

It has been 10 months and 7 months respectively since i broke up w two guys and they mean less than a shipish to me! I could care less about them... I should move on... Yes yes i can... Yes yes i will 😇

Khodaayaa... Shokret

Tnk u god for the ppl i have around me... I want you to know that i appreciate every single one of them. I think its time to let go of the one...

He needs to be set free...

Tomorrow...

Will be a crazy day...

He will walk away from my life... I know it... I was feeling happy today... I was thinking who cares about him? But now its the end of the night and I miss him like crazy...

I wish I had a seductive dress to wear... But I don't... I wish I had the perfect breakup dress...

Anyway... I will heal... I always do... Right?

My insulin injection...

1 word from him and even when not that, 1 reply from him...

The feeling is crazy... I feel like an addict... Going crazy without him around and feeling "high" after texting him...

Wish me luck... I have given him until Wednesday to let me know...

I just prey to god that whatever comes out/specially if it's staying w him will be in my best interest...
God help me do the right thing and help him make the decision that will make me do the right thing...

Update

I was better this morning but now im just ok... :)

How about now?

Its 1 am and I feel ok...

Lest not forget...

How incredibly thankful I am.... I really hope that this feeling will not go away anytime soon... It was just two hours ago that I felt like staying at home, not going to see family bcz I just wanted to be left alone to deal w my misery... And now I cant wait to see them....

Miserable an hour ago but fine now ...

How did I go from miserable to fine?

Let me first tell you why I was feeling miserable

I've been back for a week and it feels like he's the air that I breathe so when he's not around I feel like I'm suffocating

Anyway, i dont know if it's the coffee, or the fact that I actually texted him to tell him Im not happy about how hes uninvited me from going to the movies... Or the fact that I took the initiative to call and figure out why the bus is late and then told those around me... But im feeling just fine now.... Things that he's said since I came back: he's been w other girls (not sure if sexually) and he doesnt consider us to be in a relationship...

I should also mention that he read all my daily posts about how I feel about him many of which referred to the fact that i want marriage... But why do i want marriage? Not sure...

Anyway... Ive scared him off... And although Im crazy about him I hated him telling me that we are not in a relationship.... I can "blame" myself for making him run but...

I've just decided to shut up for now

Zendegi rasme khoshaayandist...

Amma nemidaanam cheraa tanhaa vaghti khoshaayand mishavad keh oo hast! 

You've got me in chain for your love...

Heavy heart

I feel like I'm going to explode one of these days

On another note...

Life is beautiful... And that's how I get out of the victim mode

:(

Ehsaas mikonam hich raahe faraari az in jahannami ke baraayeh khodam doros kardam nadaaram... Khasteh shodam enghadr harshab geryeh kardam... Chera tamoom nemisheh? Chera nemitoonam dorostesh konam?

I feel like throwing up...

This feels nice...

That's all he needed to say to make me forget all my anger... I don't want to be so weak in front of him

Did I tell you...

How excited I am and how thankful i am for everything

Like so so much

I dont get my panic episodes...

Thank you god

So thankful!!!

Only one question remains

Despite all my complajnts and worries and tears, only one question comes to mind.... What am I giving back?

Must work on that

Extremely thankful

Emotional :(

Leaving in two days... But I'm sad... I guess sad and happy at the same time... And stressed w finals!

Improving?

Perhaps lol

I dont feel dead today... Only half dead 😎


I try not to think about it too much and focus on now.... Bcz thinking about sunday night and in general the fact that im leaving makes me ... Weirdlol

The count down begins!!

I'm trying to focus on my final...

Suddenly I get super excited about my return in exactly 7 days!!

I miss him... My logic is not on my side these days... Maybe it will b again after I'm done (hopefully) on wednesday night....

Khodaayaa shokret

How deep is your love?

I want you to breathe me
Let me be your air
Let me roam all your body
No inhibition, no fear

How deep is your love?
Can it go deeper?


!!!!

Snap back to reality
What love?

And on that note.... Im gonna go to bed... Good night!

:)

Clueless..

Looking around it seems like those in their early 20s are almost clueless about the world... They're all happy in their bubbles... At least in the western world!


Btw I'm feeling sad.. So so sad... But I try to ignore my feelings at night... I dont like the dark... Mornings are so much more beautiful

Thank you god!

Khodaayaa azat mamnoono moteshakkeram.... Dishab az stress khaabam nemibordo yadam nist hichvaght enghadr tarsideh baasham... Shokret ke hamechi be kheyr gozasht

Khodaayaa

Az taheh ghalbam mikhaad ke khoob besham! Hich chiz too zendegi mohemtar az salaamatieh aadam nist... Delam mikhaad khoobe khoobeh khoobbesham!!! Lotfan behem komak kon... Kheyli dooset daaram!❤️

Vaaay ye rooze dige... Ey vay delam delam delam... Mordam az ghalb DARD!

Aashegh ke beshi samte azaabi
Kaaboose residan be saraabi
Bidaario khaabi

Ageh faasele taavaane jonoone taghsire delam shod
Inke dele to maaleh khodesh bood kam masaleyi nist

Aashegh nashodi taa mano baa eshgh bi vaghfe befahmi
Ham baa to por az masaleh boodam, ham masale e nist

Aashegh ke beshi saade o khoobi
Zibaayieh masoome ghoroobi
Oftaade o khoobi