The queen is waiting but...

I hear it every day... About how women are approached by men... About how they are wanted by men, sometimes even married men... I hear about how friends, including the muslim ones wearing scarves, are approached by men... What do they have in common? What am I missing? There must be something wrong otherwise how is it possible that no one ever asks me out? I sometimes really think that it's not in the cards for me... Not in this life! But then I get sad and convince myself to try harder... After all, i'm not getting any younger...

Oo ham shabihe man

Amigh keh fekr mikonam mifahmam hastand kasani ke be man shabihand, tanha tafavoteshan in hast keh aanhaa tanha nistand

Lezzat mibaramnaz sadegieshan, ba az inke zendegi ra sakht nemigirand

Cheh gharibeh, che doost... Fekr mikonam ke aanha raa doost midaram :)

Geryeh kon geryeh ghashangeh...

Bazi moghe ha az hamechi khasteh mishamo faghat mikhaam keh digeh nabaasham
Az tanhaai khasteh shodam
I'm tired of feeling like I don't fit in... I'm SO tired of feeling like I don't belong... I sometimes get tired of trying...

This past week was so stressful and I handled it as best as I could... But I feel so exhausted...

Miracle?

Someone thanked me for doing something although I did it late and pur her under so much pressure... She didnt even complain... Is this something that will bite me back in the future? I'd not felt as vulnurable as I did today in a long time! I suddenly feel so shy and... I feel like a nothing... And that's the truth... It's a strange feeling.. And i dont know what the source is... Loss of sense of belonging... That's what it is... I just sometimes get reminded that I don't really fit in.. Although I'm still trying...

I'm a creator...

And so are you!

I think this is the main thing that has always occupied my mind... I try to stay away from the little things and look at the big picture...

Other than the fact that I've always wanted to be in a happy and healthy relationship, I've always wanted to make a difference in people's lives

Both are things that are constantly on my mind

Hmm

I think the key to reciving love is loving yourself

Trying to find growth in vulnurability

:)

Guilty

I know that sometimes I say I'm sad or I complain too much but right now I can't help it but I'm  just happy... :D

I really can't figure it out.. This time it's not for love...

Thank you god! I'm so so thankful! Like beyond thankful!!

Ps plz let me release the hate I have towards him... I mean I don't hate him but I don't like wishing for bad things to happen to him... That's just not like me!!! He seemed like a nice guy and It seems like I can't get over the fact that I could be so wrong! Anyway... Thank you god!!! ❤️❤️❤️

بيش از اينها ميتوان خاموش ماند

ميتوان ساعات طولانى با نگاهى چون نگاه مردگان ثابت خيره شد بر دود يك سيگار
مى توان بر جاى باقى ماند در كنار پرده اما كور اما كر

Mluh... Or bluh... Or blah

The only thing that gives me some comfort is knowing that I'm not the only one feeling this way... Perhaps this is the almost 30 crisis... Yes I've got it all but I don't have love... And what is life without love? I talked to my friend last night for 2 hours and she said that sooner or later I have to learn to deal with my problems instead of "shifting my focus" which is what I have mastered... She said they dont go away by themselves... Which could be somewhat true but I prefer not to say anything... And this too shall pass..

Vanishing act...

That's the name of the song I was lustening to..

How am I doing? I'm ok... Maybe even a bit better than ok..

There are a lot of thoughts in my head.... But I'm ok... All i know is that everything gappens for a reason and I'm trying to take it easy/have faith

I have already forgotten about the super awkward silence in the car... I had the courage to ask why and got no response... This is why I dont like people doing me any favors! Just bcz I accepted to get a ride from you does not mean that you can treat me however you like... It's these mood swings that have always worried me...

Anyway... But as I said that's alreDy forgotten


There are two things that are on my mind:

1)  I have to start wearing high heels more often
2) I have to smile more
3) I wAs going to say that I should stop joking w those who dont know me well as I may seem to be a bit "too much" but I'm going to put this one on hold as it requires me changing which is not on the to do list
4) yolo

Just friends?

Something interesting happened this week... I received some beautiful flowers at work but I didn't know who they were from... There was only one person in my head that couldv'e done this... So I sent him a text asking him... And he said yes... Still trying to figure out why he didn't put his name on it... When I asked him why he said because you are my fridnd and I like you... Can someone translate that for me please? He is my friend and I like him too... But did he mean more than friends? I've attempted to ask him three times but I couldn't... Maybe if he sent some more flowers with a clear message I'll get the point... Lol for now it's a big question in my head.. And he just gave me a silent treatment in the car... Not sure what was wrong... Maybe he was just tired... Or pissed of at me for not saying bye to his friends? Jsp ...

Lost in translation...

Although I have been here for more than half of my life, I'm still struggling with adapting to the Canadian culture while maintaining my Persian culture... So if you are talking to a crowd that you see once a year, and your friend is there, do u have to say bye to them before leaving or...

I think I kind of screwed up... But at the time it seemed ok lol

Difference between want and need

Being with a man is something that I need... Perhaps not necessarily something I want... I need it more than I want it... I'm considering changing my approach... Instead of looking for the one I'm just going to find someone :)

What I really want is...

A baby...

Lol no jokes... But I feel like I'm not the only one... Many of the amazing girls that I know around me are on the same boat... Can't find a match but they want babies... So whose fault is it anyway? Technology? Perhaps... At least one of the reasons..Something has changed from the previous generations and we have not been able to keep up with the change snd we are all in a way just surviving in our lonely lives... Don't get me wrong... I LOVE my life... I just think that it's a shame that I can't share it with anyone...

Still feeling sad.... At the same time trying not to... Because I know that what you focus on expands... So... :)

Deadlines

I dont know but i gotta do something... I will know more tomorrow