Donyaayeh ajibist.....

My sister came and left......
Now I'm alone at home..... can't believe I'm leaving in 4 days! Tonight is the last night at my apartment, the new person will be moving in tomorrow.

I want a home that's home.......a place where I can stay forever....don't like having homeS....

Friends, must say goodbye to them. I will be gone for 2 months, then will come back as a student, and then what?

Must find out what it is that I really want.....

I want love.....

Must be patient

I'm so sad. I don't want to miss him. I can't believe he didn't want me!! He's such a kid..... I know that time takes care of everything...... must be patient!

Ey vaay delam, delam, delammmmm.....ghalbam dard mikoneh

To trust or not to trust, that's the question!

Ok so I basically did the dumbest thing ever and I won't be telling my dad because this is definitely not something that an educated person should do but I did it anyways....... I wrote someone a cheque without asking for a contract for the room that I'm renting.......she basically gave me a piece of paper saying that I have paid for last month's rent! Is that good enough? Of course not! She could very well be a scam and flee the country before I come back in September! But who knows..... it might be the opposite......she seems like a super nice lady.... I hope she's not faking it...... I look forward to living in her home.... if she's not a scam that is! O well, $485 is the price that I will be paying for my stupidity... but as they say, live and learn! :)

BD today
won't say HBD

not because I'm a child...... just because.... I'm simply frustrated :)

la importencia de tener amigos!

Es muy importante

Maybe...... :)

"The people I consider the most successful are those who truly know how to love."

It's sad that even looking at the moon reminds me of him.....

Maaheh man......that's what he called me! F*ck.......it's one thing to be reminded of someone by listening to a song or being in a certain location......but how do I run away from the moon??????? FML!

Why do they lie???????

Kaash az avval midoonestam to maale digarooni
Kaash az avval mifahmidam to ba man nemimooni
Kaash az avval midoonestam to sahme man nemishi
Kaash mifahmidam ke to az eshghe man gorizooni

Az fekro ghalbam ke to nemiri be hamin zoodi
To oon fereshteye paki ke man fekr mikardam naboodi
Midoonam ke harja hasti ba harkasi neshasti
Beh raahati faraamoosham mikoni to be hamin zoodi

In hameh aashegh boodam to nafahmidi
Baa to saadegh boodam to nafahmidi
Man ke aashegh boodam to nafahmidi
Baa to saadegh boodam to nafahmidi

Kaash az avval mifahmidam to maghroori
Kaash midoonestam az donyaye man doori
Kaash aaroom aroom az ghalbeh man mirafti
Che doorooghaayeh ghashangi be man migofti!!!

Simply frustrated!

:D

I'm feeling better than I did yesterday. But I feel like I keep wanting to go over it again and see what happened?!!! There's no logical reason other that the fact that he's a kid! I can't believe it....... I need to believe it......

Man aan golbargeh maghrooram keh mimiram ze bi aabi vali baa kheffato khaari peyeh shabnam nemigardam!!!!

Grrrrrrr

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Reminder to myself: IT'S NOT A GOOD IDEA TO HANG OUT WITH PEOPLE THAT YOU ONCE HAD FEELINGS FOR........ IT'S JUST WRONG........ WHY WOULD YOU PUT YOURSELF IN A SITUATION LIKE THAT????????? THOU SHALL NOT HANG OUT WITH HIM OK??????? just don't ...... I know it's hard but going out with him drives you crazy and puts you in a bad mood......so why would you do that to yourself?

Depressed as h*ll

:(

The f*cking bastard keeps talking to the girl that I had told him he has a crush on and he denied it! It's so frustrating to see him do that!!!

You can't say that I'm not trying

..............
Maybe not hard enough.....

Too funny

We were supposed to be going somewhere tomorrow and he was supposed to come with us..... and the plan just most likely got cancelled....... so was last night the last time that I saw him? really?

:(

Confused and tired....

Don't think it's a good idea to try to stay friends with people that you dated/had feelings for....

It hurts when you think they are trying to flirt with others..... not that it matters.... but I'm still so mad at him..... :(

Can't believe how easy it was for him to leave......... can't believe that he didn't care........can't believe that it was all a game for him! I really think it was...... he didn't know what he was doing.....

I think tomorrow might be the last day that I hang out with him.... I just don't like the feeling I get when I'm around him.....

:(
:_(

Zendegi behtar az in nemishe?

Well I just found a really cooooooool room far from school but with I think an ideal family :)

Maybe I'll learn something from them IF they accept me! I'm going to their place tomorrow to check out the room :D WISH ME LUCK!!!!!

I think everything happens for a reason.....

The girl that had told me she would move in with me at the end of the summer changed her mind so I have to find a place for september, get rid of my furniture, and find someone to take over my lease all within the next 2 weeks! It's gonna be funnnnnn :D

Beh chi fekr mikoni?

Ey saraa paa hameh khoobi, tako tanhaa be to miandisham!

Yea right ... bullshit!!!

I would have been really hurt if I knew that he played me..... but he's a kid.... he didn't know any better.....so it's kind of ok!

exfoliwhat?

"You should exfoliate your skin to get rid of the dead skin!"

"What does that mean? How do I do that?"

Ok go ahead and make fun of me but I really didn't know! After a lot of googling and asking again I now kinda know what it is and what it means and how it helps the skin. After going to lush and realizing how expensive these things are, I decided to go to Winners and see if they have anything (never ever thought that I would EVER buy Spa products but there I was, spending an hour trying to read all the lables to see which ones help to exfoliate the skin!). I bought a sponge and a body wash and lotion because of course, after getting rid of the dead skin you have to mosturize it otherwise it'd do more harm than help! We'll see what will happen after spending a grand total of $30! Not that I mind spending money on things that would help me, but will this really help??? I'll find out in a few weeks.

P.S. This is kinda like kiseh keshidan, sedr be badan zadan!!! How I miss those things. Specially kiseh keshidan. It's basically the same thing. Maybe I should bring them from Iran and sell them here! + Sangeh paa!!!

Worry more efficiently!

I'm gonna go to bed soon so I can worry more efficiently tomorrow!

Tired of always worrying about something........ tired of working on myself psychologically......... there's always something....... sigh~

Yesterday and Today

Yesterday when I woke up in the morning I felt like a dead person. Then decided to message him and tell him that I'm willing to go and give him his watch (since I took it from him the last time I saw him to make sure that he comes and sees me the next day! See how romantic I am? But of course, he didn't come because of a stupid misunderstanding that I still think that was his fault!) But he told me that it's ok and I can give it back to him this Saturday when I go to his friends for dinner with a bunch of other people. So I was like hmm he doesn't want to see me before! Ok!!! And then I missed him terribly for the rest of the day and sent him some messages that apparently turned out to be none sense to him! I felt weird for the rest of the day until I went and got my French Vanilla w coffee and after that I felt a bit better and I was a bit happier by the end of the night. When I got home I noticed that he's said on FB that he doesn't want to use his phone / FB for the next 24 hours because he has some thinking to do! And the more I think about it the more I feel like I was used!!!! And by used I mean he played with me. How can we break up and him not even tryyyyy to get back? He told me that I think our relationship is so meaningless for telling him every week that I want to break up with him. But I can swear that I didn't feel like he likes me. He didn't do a single thing that proved to me he still cared!

Examples:
1) I told him that I'm scared when I walk home at night, meaning that I want him to call me so I won't be scared, and he didn't.
2) I told him that I'm sitting next to the neighbour in the bus stop who is old and flirty and I'm scared of him, meaning that I want him to call me so that I don't have to talk to the stranger, but he didn't
3) I told him that I love the tulips and flowers, and told him that I want to go to the tulips festival, he didn't make plans to go to the festiival
4) I told him that I'm going to the hospital for having twisted my ankle, he asked me if I want him to come and I said no. But he should have!
5) I invited him and his friend to my place with my friend for what I thought was for lunch but then he told me that I'd never told him it's for lunch so he had gone and ate his lunch with his friend and thought that I had asked them to come over after and since I was already so mad at him thinking why the hell would they eat their lunch when I had invited them over my friend told his friend that I don't want them to come over anymore because I'm mad at them. If he had called / messaged me to see why I was mad at him he'd have explained and everything would have been fine. But he didn't care that I was mad and didn't even bother to ask me why!

Am I a complicated person? Or are these things that people do understand without having to be told. I know he's inexperienced but I really felt like the things he was doing wasn't equal to things that a person who cares about you would do. So I told him that I'm breaking up with him (every time!) because I feel like he doesn't love me. And he told me that he does and he doesn't understand what he should do to prove it. But I really didn't believe him!!!! And today I'm mad at him...... we'll see if that will be the case for the rest of the day.

Nemidaanam shenidi barnagashti, yaa inbaar nashnidio rafti

Baavaram nemishe enghad doost dashtan kam ahammiateh!!! chera akheh? yani man tanha adami hastam ke enghad mohabbat baraat mohemme? yani faghat manam ke doos daram doosam daashte baashan? faghate faghat mannnnnn? vaagheannnnnnnnnnnnnn? baavaram nemisheh! chejoori khodamo avaz konam? aadam ageh bekhad tasmim begire ta akhare omresh ba yeki baasheh be gholeh in donbaaleh "haami" migardeh..... aaaaaaah khaste shodam enghad fekr kardam...... ok physical boodanesham mohemme vali avval bayad doos dashte bashan hamo! chera man doos dashtane ino nadidam? fekr nakonam doosam dasht! nemishe yeki adamo doos dashte bashe adam nafahmeh!!!! nemisheeeee