Is this love?

I continue to be speechless as I feel like I have surroundered to what is and have stopped trying to control things

I remember being mad and I remember being just ok with seeing him but I was surprised to find myself missing him last week... and I don’t think it’s just oxytocin

I continue to be busy at work but am handling things to the best of my ability and for that I am thankful

My parents just left and I try to focus on the good time I had with them and not be sad... I will go back to visit them in December

I have 0 clue about why out of all the people that work on the 5th floor I keep running into P... and I really “hate” the fact that my feelings are not 100% resolved... I feel mostly “sad” on the days that I am tired and I run into him... I almost want to say that it’s his looks that make me not completely let go but it’s more than that... I was “in love” for 2 consecutive months and that’s I guess hard to move on from

That may be the cause of my delah in development of my feelings for J... I don’t know why this is making me cry but I feel like I have stepped into the triangle of fear, need and love. I feel like now that I feel like I am close to falling for him I keep worrying somewhere deep deep down that he will stop liking me and he will dissappear like the rest of them. Today I was happy when I was thinking about “us” and I almost wanted to sing the song that says “remember those walls I built, baby they are trembling down” but then I over analyzed it like everything else in life and realized that I can’t really say that yet. He feels safe and cozy.... but I still can’t trust it 100%

I feel like a third person that’s looking down at this and just experiencing it one day at a time which has helped me get this far... I am enjoying the experience and have given up on my excuses

I need to get back on track with my workouts

*feeling blessed*

Thank you god

Gngt

Change of seasons, change of heart

I have no real explanation for it but I think that I am slowly starting to really like my guy... enough to call him “my guy”

Hormon ya vagheiat?

emrooz man shaadeh shaadam va khoshhaal va thankful bara in akhareh hafteyeh ziba ba doost pesaram

Maybe at the end of the day it is our own perception that gives color to our lives

I have decided that I am happy with him and I accept him the way he is

But people around me who know me have some concerns... they think that because of our personalities and different wYs of thinking about our finances we may run into problems

I tell them that I used to think that way too... byt I don’t anymore... so what made me change my mind? Honestly he has so many great qualities that make me want to like him

But on the other hand, I have a hard time viewing the world from a point of “scarcity”

I believe in living a yolo life and I do believe that sometimes you have to spend money from your credit card to make that come true

Anyway... I like living a big world and I hope I am not shrinking myself and my beliefs to fit into his small world... I want to dream bigger and be better...

Khodaya shokret