Entry for July 27, 2008
نگا کن فقط یه سایه پابه پای من میاد سایه طعنه میزنه تنها رفیق تو منم
(I know I've used this before but I really felt like using it again......)
After almost two years of work experience, a stupid decision like quiting with no notice results in them telling me that I can't ever work there again!
The good thing about it is that I probably shouldn't work there anymore so the fact that I can't will prevent me from working ever going back........
But on the other hand it's like I've lost a life line......... what will I do if I don't find anothr ....... ???
I feel kind of :( but I shouldn't be ....... I feel sad because now I don't have a job, can't go back to work.... and don't have any ... .... .........
I think in my head I always thought that I can even go to another city and work in that store without having to look for another job....... but I hope I learn a lesson from this ..... mistake?!
p.s. the reason why I quit with no notice was because I just want to go camping tomorrow and didn't want to call in sick for the next week.....I was thinking of quitting by the end of the month..... but ......
I should just keep in mind that everything happens for a reason :) :) :)

I wish I were......

Yeh goolleh shaadi!
or as they say in english
a ball of energy!

it feels soooooo good to make others happy!

interview

1) how to deal with a challengin customer
2) how to go above and beyond etc. to help a customer
3) above and beyond to help a co-worker......... special to do?
4) why should we choose you?
5) where do u see urself in 3 years?
6) how is this similar to what u want to do in your future?
7) policy / regulation? break them?
8) given a new task out of job description, what did you do?
9) busy, multi task... how?(prioritizing example?)

i don't know............there are 5 more candidates and i only gave them 3 days of availability! i dont think they will take me??? i still hope that they do!!! please ?:(

it was a bad day! at first i got on the bus and a freaking old guy hit on me!! like he was crazy and everything but still :( ....... and after that on the second bus when i pulled the string it wasnt working........so i asked another translink worker why is it not working? and he responded in a rude way!!! :( :(

and after i got in .........

i donnow........ i hope i get it :(

I WANT THIS JOBBB for real!

Hello to.........

A better tomorrow..........(by the way wish me luck....tomorrow's the big day!)

so it seems like i have finally managed to kick everyone out of my life and start over.......... P N is not back yet and I stopped talking to A N somehow.......... i donnow why........well i think he doesn't like me anymore........... or maybe he's busy..........whatever.......... i called him a few times and asked him if he wants to hang out.......but he never came........... because he had to work on some projects...........i guess i have to understand........... but whatever.............it's life.......... people that stay away help themselves to be cleared out of the picture............ no problem

in terms of new friends......... i got none! all by myself for now.......... but............ i'm excited about tomorrow.............. which will hopefully be a better tomorrow..........

toloueh fardaaaa :X

and of course........none of this means that i enjoy being alone.......... i very much wish that i could find "the one" ......... but because of my insecurities it's a bit of a challenge for me........ i'll try next year...... hopefully it wouldn't be too late............ i'll be 23 years old and a half....... with no experience! how wonderfulllllllll :) :) :)

:X :X :X

:* :* :*

cheers!

Be yourself!

who am i really?

do you really want to see the real me?

do u like to see me sad and mad and depressed? and when I am happy and excited see me jump up and down and say crazy things? do you really want that? that's my question......... a question that I don't know the answer to

one thing that i have learned in the past few months I think is 100 percent hiding my sadness......... i mean i did it in the past too......... but now i'm more aware of it......... i keep telling myself "smile come on smile" ........even when i am deeply so so sad............ i think it's very important to send out positive energies just by even smiling...........and i do believe that the recievers of this energy will eventually start feeling happy and treat people with more happiness.......... but at the end of the day i feel like i have cheated myself......... i mean don't get me wrong....... i dont always smile when i am sad......... i try super hard to at least not frown......

i dont know........ like i think if i actually show my sadness then people will start talking about it and emphasizing on it which would make the situation even worse.........so i do try very hard to get some thoughts out of my head......... like even if they are the ones that are happening to me at that moment........ for example if i am impatiently waiting for a call "ehemmm!!!!" i tell myself to forget about it..........start doing something else and that person will eventually call........... and when they don't call by the end of the day at least i have managed to try to focus my thoughts on something else and be a bit productive which is so much better than just being useless / doing nothing!!

but sometimes things like this build up...... i mean i feel like i did awful on my midterm which i had studied so much for! like i was so dissapointed that i felt like throwing up.......but then i had my interview the next day and had to stay positive...........then went to work on thursday (same day as the interview) and my manager asked me to come to work on friday which was the day that the person was supposed to call me and tell me if i got hired or not.......so of course i wasnt home and he had left another number for me to call .........and when i called that night she wasnt there......... i tried the next day she wasnt there......... and lets not forget about the fact that i hate waiting specially for something so important that can change my life!!

anyways.......... i tried not to let it drive me crazy on the weekend.......and when she finally called this morning i was sooooooooo happy but i was on the bus and told her i will call her back in like 15 min and she said ok........but when i called her she didnt pick up....... i tried 3 more times she still didnt pick up!!!

so i cant tell u how upset i am from this whole thing......... like i hate it when bad things happen to me one after the other............ it takes away a lot of my energy

and my mom was sick on the weekend which took away all the energy that i had left in me

so right now i'm sitting here all sad and confused and just want to go to sleep and hope that i will get a proper call from that lady and get this job!!

yea yea

i want this job there fore i will have it`

please give it to meeeeeeeeee

p.s. i am really not happy about ignoring a ch :( i hope he forgives me........

by the wayy....

a is back........ i donnow if i ever wrote about him here......... but it's the guy that i talked to for a bit during christmas break and then he went back to iran ........and now he's back!!

i dont want to talk to him anymore....... he is such a nice guy but u know........ he is looking for a gf........and wants to hold hands and sh*t..........and i certainly dont because i dont like him in that way at alllll........so im just gonna not pick up on him :( eventhough i feel really bad about it :(

maybe ill change my mind i donnow

I got news!

and i thought i should write it here because a whole lotta my planning is going to change after i get the "answer" so it would be interesting to see how everything turns out

right now i am feeling very impatient........ i went to an interview with td on thursday and it went ok but i'm not sure at all it's totally a 50/50 ......... and they said they're going to call me either on thurs or friday.......but i went to work on friday and when they called i wasnt home :( ........ so the guy that called me has asked me to call someone else to get the answer.......and when i called her she wasnt there.......... so i might have to wait until monday! and ill be going to class on monday so i will have to call her back againnnnnn........ omg im gonna diiiiiiiie

a lot of my plans depend on this...........if i get accepted i will have to arrange my schedule and plan in a way that i can go to training and work in september..............

if not i will cut my hair in a weird way .......continue working where i work .......... or maybe ill quit soon because im thinking of finding a job on campus

so yea........ i will just fly if they offer me a job! i mean my whole future depends on it and ...... i dont want to get my hopes up but im really crossing my fingers real hard!!!

omgggggg....... please ......... i want this job SOOOOOOOO BAAAAD

two more days till the midterm........three days till the interview!

just trying to relax ....... but it's not really working......... my relaxation is stressing me out!

Best/Worst

Learning not to care was the best and worst thing that happened to me!

It was good in the sense that I just didn't get hurt from the things that people told me....... I mean I did care but tried to forget about it and get it out of my head as quickly as possible......

And u may ask why is it the worst thing? Well, obviously it's because it's bad when you don't care! Sometimes I can feel that I'm pushing myself and telling myself "a*** ... just ignore what you heard/ saw...... just pretend like it didn't happen" .......... but after a while it really hurts me ........ sometimes even more than itself! ...... u know what i mean? Not caring hurts me more than if i had cared!

But on the other hand sometimes I think I care too much..........

There are certain things that I care about too much..........

So have I really learned not to care or am I just b.s.ing?

It's for me to know and for you to figure it out!

Canada Day!

So last night..........after struggling with myself........ i finally decided to tell A that I would go to "the lake" with him and his friends..........

at first i didnt want to go but I thought i should sometimes just let myself be around other people ......... eventhough it might not be the best thing in the world.......specially when i dont really like that person / enjoy their company..... i should still hang out with them because......well because there is currently no one else around me that i like and like to hang out with (except for AN who i dont really have time to see now)

anywaysss........so i went.......and when he comes to pick me up he says "by the way we are going to the water park ... did u bring your swim suit?" ......and i obviously hadn't and didnt even want to go there.......... so i was like ummm........... and i couldnt really tell him that i want to go home! ....... so i just went along with him and 2 other couples....... and they went to the water etc...... and i stayed all by myself ...... i felt like i was in a prison...... i was so sad and mad that i got a headache (which is unusual because i never get headaches!) ........ i was really pissed off at him for being so careless......... you know when u take someone with u somewhere u have to make sure that they are having fun too....... either dont take them or when u do take some responsibility! ........ i wanted to call today the worst day in my life because i was trapped somewhere so far from home and didnt have any way of coming back......specially because i had one of their cell phones in my purse......... so after the loooooong wait they finally came ..... and we went to eat......... then got back in the car ..... and got home

so i really dont know.......... sometimes i get so lonely and feel like i mussst get out and hang out with others so i would stop thinking about some of my responsibilities etc............ but it makes me sad that there is no one out there that i enjoy hanging out with ......... except for AN who doesnt get me excited but he is better than all the others............. like if i were to name a few people that would get me excited i would say VJ or RD or maybe a little bit Brz or Shl ........... but that's it....... the list is short and they are pretty unavailable and i'm not even close to them ....... so ..........

i felt really down yesterday because i wanted to go to this persian party all by myself because i had convinced myself once again that doing something is better than doing nothing....... but my dad discouraged me and said why would u wanna go if u have no friends there etc. and they had to take me beceause i dont have a car etc. so i ended up not going......and i was mad again one for the fact that my dad didn't support my decision!!!!! secondly because i dont drive and third of all because i was so sad which was obvious which made my dad sad....... which made my parents start talking to me about how i should find the "right guy" ........... and then they got mad at one another..........and i got really sad........... and went to take a shower and cried!!!

haha

so i'm going to sleep now...........10 more days before i feel either really sad or really happy about two big things!! i will update u!

thanks for reading

buenas noches