از غم عشق چه میباید کرد؟
به دمی ، دیداری ، میتوان راضی شد
به تمنای نگاهی ، میتوان
تشنه ی جان بازی شد
میتوان ، دل خوش کرد
به کلامی که شنید
از دو خط نامه ی سرد
میتوان داغ شد و شعله کشید
از جهنم گذری کرد و گذشت
به گذر گاه رسید ...
به گذر گاه تباهی ، به جنون
وز عطش فریاد زد
فریاد زد ...
Seems like I haven't changed at all since 3 years ago......
"Since it's been confirmed that I am crazy I decided to write a lil something here that I usually wouldn't write. Something too personal to be shared but since I don't care about anything anymore I don't care if someone reads this either! I wrote this on my way back home when I was on the bus!
Sometimes you meet people that you really enjoy tlaking to. Talking to them makes you happy and you look forward to seeing them again. But at the same time, you are doing your own thing in life and having them as kind of an extra bonus that makes life that much more fun and you are just happy about the fact that you have some good friends! But then these "lovely people" cross the line and start flirting with you. The worst thing is that they have someone else in their heart that they are trying to forget or get over. Someone who has broken their heart or someone that has been seperated from them for some reason. So they are still not sure if they are ready to move on....or fall in love again......... but they are certainly trying.....During this process some people become the victims of this trial...... would it work or would it not? Maybe they just enjoy flirting god knows! ..... but along the way some people get hurt........for no reason! This is when everything that once felt so right feels so wrong.....there is a confusion.....After that you can't just call them to see how they are doing because they know that you are no longer "just a friend"...... and the fact that you can't call them hurts because the person that you enjoyed talking to is no longer a friend and is no longer always available. And this HURTS! So what do you do to stop this pain? That is the question!
Maybe if you have enough evidence of them flirting with you , you can write them a letter and tell them that what they did was wrong. But they're either going to deny it and say ur crazy or accept it and say they didn't mean anything serious and ask u to stop over analyzing it!!!
You know, the sad part is that you really do care about them and the fact that they are still hurting over their x really hurts and drives you crazy!! Don't ask why because I don't know...... because they have the right to still be sad but u just don't want to see them sad?
The funny thing in my case (me as a crazy person) is the fact that I either don't care about someone AT ALL or when I do I care so much that I can't not care.... does that make sense? :D
Conclusion: I'm crazy
Reason: Because even if this person asks me out I would freak out .......and when I freak out I tend to dislike the person.......(and when that happens I really wonder what's wrong with me?!!) anyways....... at this moment I'm just jealous of the x (like every time I see someone who looks like her/ or her pictures I almost start to cry!)..... or I'll be even more jealous if he gets a gf
So what do I want him to do? Marry me! lol ............ jk.....what I really really want is to spend a lot more time with him .... but nothing lovey dovey......... just as a friend........just 2 friends who are just good friends :-" ........ he can even go on other dates ...... but they shouldn't mean anything...... and he should always come back to me! However, since this whole thing sounds too strategic and not something that a "normal" human being can think of and do I'm just going to say that you should wish that this person never calls me again.... for no reason!! This way I will eventually get over him because he's such a jerk :D LOL
But ..... all in all ....... the thing that I want the most is not to be so crazy and care so much about little things like this and focus more on my school and my future ........ I've been sooooooo unproductive during the last few days that it's not even funny...... like I have bearly read 10 pages each day after 5-6 hours being in the library ...... so yea.......... I told u I'm going crazy..... wish me luck :)
"
February. 2008
