:(

Can not believe that I'm gonna be here for less than 3 days... this is hard :(

My family has been pampering me pretty well ever since I came here..... not sure if I can return to my independent life........

When I opened my eyes this morning I suddenly felt like my heart sank.... but yes, I will be resuming with my life....

WISH ME LUCK

Today is her birthday...

but I'm not going to say happy birthday to her.....
I can forgive but I can't forget....

I feel like the only time that I'm willing to ever talk to her is if I someday become a successful person so that I can prove her wrong.... some days this dream only seems steps away and other days it seems like it's far away...

But as another friend says..."don't stop trying".....so I won't..... :)

It's not as if the things she said were untrue..... she said she's running out of ideas to help me have a normal life... I guess this is called tough love.... which is also a reason why best friends suddenly stop being friends....

I don't know whether the things she said are encouraging me to try harder or the opposite.....unfortunately I feel like it's mostly the opposite...... because everytime I'm close to succeedeeing I feel like it's too good to be true.... I think most people think that I'm normal... I'm the only one who sometimes believes otherwise!

She has so far succeeded in the things she's wanted to do so there's no need to wish her luck... the only thing I can wish her is to have a better understanding of respecting EVERYONE even if they are so different from being perfect!

People: get a life!

For example, what's happening in Libya and most of the middle east countries is so rediculous! Yes, I'm not into politics at all and my comments sound like the most stupid thing that can come out of the mouth of a 2 yr old but seriously. I just want this world to be a more beautiful place. I want people to be nice to each other and take every chance they are given to better someone else's life not destroy it!!!!

There's still so much that needs to be done in this world. It won't be the end of the world anytime soon :-S

PS I'll be resuming with what I have come to believe is my "life" in about a week. I can't even say how I'm feelings caz I'm not thinking about it yet. Still living "it" one day at a time...... still confused about ME.....

Che baayad kard, che baayad kard?
Che baayad did? Che baayad shod?

I can say that I'm kind of proud of myself for getting myself used to reading the news..... I now care about what's happening in the world. Isn't that great??? :) This takes me one step closer to being able to mingle with those others out there :D

BTW I have kind of stupidly decided to not see my "friends" before I leave. I feel like at this point I have no idea about who I am and what I want to be and the whole "ME" is a big question mark which is something that I don't want to discuss with anyone until it's answered.

I'm so happy that I'm going back to school in 2 weeks!!! :D Looking forward to meeting new people in my program.....hope there are some cool ones :)

Nakhando ba khande hhat baz mano del khor nakon
Nagoo delet ba mane... enghad tazaahor nakon
Bebin azat boridam, khasteam az do rooyi!
Az to baraam chi moonde be joz bi aberyooi?

Labet ye chizi mige, cheshaat ye chize dige...
Man ke fahmidam kodoom doorooogh mige...

Behem begoo az eshgh tasavvoe to chie
Vaghti ke pishe mani cheshat harise kie
Khiaanat az sar ta paaye to mirizeh
Tasavvoret az eshg, che nefrat angize...

Labet ye chizi mige, cheshaat ye chize dige...
Man dige fahmidam kodoom dooroogh migeh :)

The end of my stay here is fast approaching and I'm not sure if I'm ready to go back.....

I've been doing absoloutely nothing for nearly 2 months now and once I get back I have to go back to school and most importantly face the real world which is kinda scary :-S

The next year ahead will be an interesting one.... I'm not sure what will happen exactly but I have some major things to accomplish..... I have to successfuly finish school AND find a job and possibly a bf.......the last one doesn't seem too realistic after me deciding that I don't want to date any of these immature persian guys..... so I'm just gonna focus on the first 2.......

Oh and I'm moving in with a total stranger once I get there...... a woman and her BF and another room-mate.....hopefully they're nice people......haven't heard too many good things about living with strangers but we'll see......

Ciao for now......

For a change of mood......

نگاهم کرد پنداشتم دوستم دارد. نگاهم کرد در نگاهش هزاران شوق عشق را خواندم. نگاهم کرد دل به او بستم. نگاهم کرد اما بعدها فهمیدم فقط نگاه میکرد

vaghean faghat negaah mikard.......vaaghean faghat harf mizad.... vali hichizi az tahe delesh nabood.....fekr konam aslan del nadasht.....va agaram dasht delesh tarsoo bood..... yeh ja khoondam faghat kasi ghadre eshgho midoone ke too eshgh baazish dade bashan.....albate oontoriam mashkook mishe vali shayad badaz ye moddat sare aghl biaad.....vali ooni ke ashegh nashode vaghti eshgho mibine he takes it for granted......that's the lesson I hope he learns :)

PS na man delam baraye VATANAM tang nashode.....aslan midooni chie man Canadaro vataneh khodam midoonam! Yeh nafar ke hatta man nemishnasamo taze oomade Canada baradaresh fot karde...... va ba inke nemishnasamesh (faghat didam too FB neveshte ke baradaresh morde) kheyli narahat shodam.... emrooz fahmidam khodkoshi karde bishtar narahat shodam.....narahat ke na asabani........ fekr mikonam Iran afsorde tarin/roo be ravanitarin mellate donya ro dare....... keshvaraye dige kootah oomadano kenar oomadan...... vali irania na...... hanooz dar haale jangand.... bichare pesare....... va bichare baradaresh ke az roo bi kasi dast be khodkoshi zade :(.......va bishtar az hame bichare pedar madaresh..... vaaghean khoda beheshoon sabr bedeh! Kheyli kaare khodkhaahaaneyi karde :-|

1300 posts!

Wow, I guess I've had a lot to share with everyone.

The wheather here has been great. I mean it's not warm at all (feels more like the fall). It's kinda weird actually. Caz it's summer and yes sometimes it's completely sunny but as soon as you walk in the shade you feel like you might freeze to death (ok maybe that's a bit of an exageration but it's so cold that you appreciate it when you get some sun shine on you once you step out of the shaded area!)

I'm not gonna complain though. I'd rather be cool on this side of the country rather than dying from the heat on the other side!

I'm going back in 2 weeks. Can't believe it. Can't believe how I have managed to block out the fact that I am going back to school. I'm again, as I've said in my previous post, trying to enjoy the moment and not panick about all that I do/don't have!

I really don't have anything to complain about (all of it has been blocked out). Maybe except for the fact that I don't have a BF hahaha....

One thing that I've learned from my past feelings of commitment is this: once you are with someone and are getting attention from them you feel like you are on top of the world and you feel like you can have more because that person has made you feel like a queen which has as a result fired back on them because now you think you are the best! So while you are with them, you start thinking of all the MORES that you can have. But once they're gone, everything shatters into dusts and you feel like a nobody until somebody finds you again and perhaps you will go through the same cycle again......

For example, while I was with him, I was thinking that I don't like the way he's treating me so maybe it's better that we break up caz I'm going away and while I'm away I want to have some fun! But guess what....I've been here for more than a month and I've only had contact with guys maybe 3-4 times.....and by contact I mean conversation!!!! Now I'm going back in 2 weeks and the chances of me having even a conversation is almost slim to none! Ok why am I lying....I'm planning to see my UBC "friends" at least once again before I leave, but who knows......that might not even happen......

I have recently started having this feeling of not wanting to be too much around all these FOBs that come from Iran....and I don't mean FOB in a bad way..... FOB meaning that they have just landed outside of IRAN for the first time in their lives...... and there is no way that we will be having the same ideas in our heads anytime soon.....so why try to match with someone who is so far from where you are in life?

My next target: ARABS! :D

I'm probably gonna be so busy with school (trapped in the library) that I won't have time for anything......except for the occasional crushes on people that I see in the library LOL..... but whatever, that's who I've always been and it's hard to change!!! The time that I had there for 10 months was so wonderful and memorable.... even with all the bad things that happened...... I hope it will be the same again.... I have to make it memorable...... I'm tired of not having any good memories since we came to Canada (half of my life ago!)

It's passed midnight now (passed my bedtime!) ... so I have to go to bed......

Having said all the above, don't forget that I'm still looking for love (message to the universe!) please and thank you!! :)

I JUST WANNA BE HAPPY :)

THANK YOU GOD FOR EVERYTHING THAT I HAVE, I'M SO BLESSED AND I'M THANKFUL FOR EVERY SINGLE THING THAT I HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH....... THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!

Buenas Noches!

Crazy crazy worlds...

Both mine and yours!

I was just watching a movie about Iran, "Tehran beh Haraaj (Tehran for sale)". I was about to puke after watching it.......the way people are, the way they talk, the things they talk about, the way the government is treating people, the way people treat each other, their mindsets, the fact that they don't have any freedom, the emptiness in their eyes, ALL OF IT made me want to puke.

I don't feel like I belong to that country one bit. Yes, I'm Iranian but I can not relate to what it has become. I'm more of a traditional Iranian. Those that existed generations ago. I left the country when I was a teenager and back in the days I was brought up with my parents', grandparents' mindsets. All those who were older than me. I didn't have a chance to form my own opinions. Not because they didn't let me, just because I was too young! So that's why I'm more traditional than a lot of Iranian people...

I'm not sure why I'm still trying so hard to fit in between THEM. I don't have to. Their population here is not huge at all. In fact, I know less than 200 persian people and I might know less than 20 of them really well. The rest are just those who I've seen around. I don't even like the things they talk about. But I've always had problems with feeling like I don't belong. I want to be like them. And I want to be like Canadians as well. I'm much more of a Canadian than an Iranian. And the fact that this is the case makes me a stranger in their eyes. Therefore, I will never be one of them!

I like their traditions, I like the ones that are traditional, the ones that are polite. The guys that act like a man. Those that don't fool around. Those who are like my grandparents. I don't even mind if they are religious. Does that make me close minded? Maybe I don't understand the meaning of being religious. But I like those who have some sort of belief. Maybe because it's too scary to think that we are all alone in this world and no one is watching us. I like to pray from time to time and think/believe that there's something/someone out there listening to me. Someone who has the power to make my dreams come true. It's my Santa Clause, and no, I haven't grown up enough to believe that it doesn't exist!

I'll be back in the REAL WORLD all ALONE in less than 3 weeks. For now, I'm trying to enjoy my time w la familia and don't stress about what's coming up. Trying to focus on the POWER OF NOW. No regrets yet.... happy mood all the way :)

THANK YOU GOD <3

:)

We went to America today for shopping.......I can't believe how much cheaper things are there! Like seriously, whyyyyy????

+ I'm so glad that I have moved on........

Life's B U T FULL!

:)

Please don't pay attention to my complaints about BEFORE...... I'm trying to forget about it/them and I'm taking it one day at a time.....not that it was a big deal...... I'm just trying to make sense of things that don't make sense at all and it's sometimes hard......so I have to write them down in order to proceed/progress :)

:(((((((

I don't want to think about HIM
I can't believe I thought of him as my bf......
GRRRRRR

goodnight :)

The best part of hanging out w people that are older than you is.....

The fact that they are older than you!!!

Yes, I'm at an age where I can say that

Thank god for...

ME!

Still feel like I'm the glue in this family.....surprised that's it's still "together" even though I was away for almost a whole year

These days the weather is sunny..... mostly thanks to me..... :)

Biaa bebin che haaliam.....

Miporsi, migam aaliam :)

Delam tanhaast, delgiram...

Hamash hes mikonam bi eshg daram mimiram! :)

Tarjomeh: Looking for love!!! <3

People are strange creatures!

For example, why is it that people, specially persian people, go wild when someone says something that slightly refers to something sexual???? Seriously people, grow up!!!!

PS I'm sorry if I'm the last dinasour on earth who hasn't experienced IT and thinks that these things are weird. But to be honest, I don't think it has anything do with having had "the experience". This kind of amuzement/excitement is just plain dumb.

People: get a life!!!!

Love being :) for no particular reason!

I hope it doesn't come back and bite me in the a**

Nothing's changed.... well maybe la familia un pocito?

I finally booked my ticket......for beg of Sept......no need to go back early....

Still feel like I don't belong in either crowd.....so no point in rushing back to something where there's no one really waiting...

When I was coming back a month ago I was really looking forward to seeing my friends again..... but after seeing them and realizing that it's stupid for me to be on the bus for 4 hours just to see them I stopped seeing them...... and the ones that are closer to me aren't that many ......I mean there's just one and she has her own problems.......so I've been spending most of my time by myself....... and I'm fine with it........

Not sure about when I want to go back!!!!! I must decide soon before the prices go up through the roof!