Indifferent

Some people complain about not being loved.....

Others like me complain for not being able to love

And the worst part is knowing that I will regret this some day

Baavar kon baavar kon, tanhaai yek raazeh. In dar khod pajmordan paayaan nist aaghaazeh

Hameh omr bar nadaaram sar az in khomaareh masti
Keh hanooz man naboodam ke to dar delam neshasti

To na mesleh aaftaabi ke ghoroobo zolmat oftad
Degaraan ravando aayand ..to hamchenaan ke hasti

Love, death, blood........

They won't let go so easily.......

You can't fight it either.........

They will help you get close.......but they won't let you go........ you have to open your eyes and see........the suffering......their suffering....... and yours!

You can smell the end.........it's so near........... you can feel it........

But they are there.......... pushing you near the edge..... but grabbing your hand when you are about to fall........ so you can experience it........

So close ......yet so far from the end

Cheraa behet nagoftan bi to che haali daaram?

Delvaapaso bitaabam
Baaz emshabam bi khaabam
Azat khabar nadaaramo
Taa khodeh sobh bidaaram

VJ

VJ

VJ

tomorrow is another day........ I will live with the thoughts of my angel........VJ ....... I will think about him when times get tough........... because he was the one......... the only one that believed in me and made me believe in myself .......... I'm going to go out there and get them......... because u told me I can

I hope he's happy with BR......... they are a wonderful couple ......... I wish them the best of luck

Baby VJ

Whenever I'm thinking of giving up and not doing something....... I hear his voice in my head.........telling me to be brave........and take risks......... promising me that I will succeed......

I will never forget the day when he told me "Beh khatereh man farda boro chand ja resume bedeh........" but I didn't .........and I felt so bad for not doing what he asked me to do......... well I was depressed........and we had just started talking......... so maybe the things he told me didn't matter to me as much as they do now......

I'm going out with someone on Thursday .......... at 7:30 p.m. He told me that he's a project manager so I figured meeting up with him would not be such a bad idea......... I hate it when people flirt with me........ I feel so vulnearable...... but I hope my voice doesn't start shaking and I don't blush when I see him :)

Ghosseh beh joz geryeh davaa nadaare khodaa nadaareh......

U know seeing your family falling apart is not easy at all.......

I was 12......... but I didn't understand the meanning of sadness......... I never truely got hurt by seeing my grandma sick.......she always prayed to god that she'd die........ even in front of us.......she said it out loud......... and now that I think about it.......... now that I think about how miserable her life was........... and how sad my dad, my uncle, and grandpa should have been...... I can't even imagine the pain they were in.......

What's even harder is to see that a member of your family........ someone that you love and care about so much be depressed......... and have another member of your family........who is so careless.......to go away on the weekend.......and not even call........and make this loved one even more upset and depressed...........

What am I to do? To feel sorry for my dad......... and be mad at my brother for being so careless?

What can I do to make this better?

Even sleeping 12 hours a day is not making it any less painful........

Aah ey agar sayyaade ma, ghaafel shavad az yaade man..ghadram nadanad

This must stop

I am going to stay away from the internet for the next 15 days to understand the true meaning of loneliness.......... because I know that by chatting I'm just making myself weaker and weaker everyday........I'm going to stay away from going to orkut, facebook, and certainly chatrooms. I'm going to stop checking my yahoo messenger ID's ......... I have at least 8 different IDs that I check everyday........... isn't that rediculous? I know that there is something wrong with me......... this is certainly and addiction and it must stop..........right now...........15 days............ until June. 01!

Thanks

Oh I will get so lonely and I'm going to want to write here but I won't........ I want to stop considering the internet as my best friend! No one other than myself can help me :)

Oh and as for my hotmail addresses I will only check the main one ok? OK

wish me luck

:*

The I don't give a f*ck approach........

Let's try it out

I mean I usually cant because I usually do care......... but I have a feeling that this approach will help me get to the things I want easier........ sooooooo......... I'll let u know how it goes ;)

Here we go again!!!!!!!!!!!

I had started talking to P since............2 weeks ago.......... andddddd........... omg......... i hate the fact that I've spent so much money lately ......... and she wants to go out again.......... and I just don't have the money to do so.....

grrrrr

we were supposed to have a small party at our house but now she has changed the plans to go to boston pizza!

u know...... I hate the fact that I am fake........ or moody........ I''ve never concidered myself as a fake person............eventhough it's hard to avoid being fake when I sometimes have to force showing some emotions!! after all I have to at least try to "fit in" and every once in a while show some love to the people around me .......righT?

so the other day we were talking......... and I don't know if it was my mood that changed or if I actualy felt like making her feel like I'm gonna miss her

this friendship is nooooooooooot working................

should I end it? I mean if I could drive, had money maybe I wouldn't have had to......... but I don't ...........so................... grrrrrrrrr ......... I'm gonna have a headache again........she's leaving in 3 days ! yay!