Even the 20% chance of me being unemployed at the end of this scares me......
Yes, it was me who was applying to places like NEW BRUNSWICK and REGINA just 4-5 months ago hoping to land a job in something that's not related to my field....and now that I have been OFFERED a job as a research analyst in Ottawa I just simply find it stupid to reject the offer.....
At times I feel like I'd be stupid to go.... I convince myself that the chances are very high that I can land another job (no idea if it will be what I like, but it's highly likely that I do get that job) ... and it feels like a dream to be able to be close to my family doing what I like....on the other hand, I can't stand the thought of not being able to find work after this...... as much as I want to be grounded and settled down, I want to be spontaneous and continue learning.......however, I'm more leaning towards wanting to stay here (choosing the grounded and settled down option) rather than going to a place where I've already been to enough times for it not to be spontaneous anymore......
in terms of my relationship I think I don't want to settle down...... even though he's a good guy I'm not ready..... and the chemistry thing is a big deal that will make me someday regret this even more..... and there's something about him that I don't feel comfortable with.... the thought of not ever being able to talk to him again is bothersome but o well, I'll have to deal with it.....
geryeh kon geryeh ghashange.......
gerye sahme dele tangeh...
gerye kon geryeh ghoroobeh...
marhameh in raahe doore....
sar bedeh aavaaze hegh hegh
khali kon deli ke tange
gerye kon gerye ghashange
gerye sahme dele tange
anyways..... wow...... that was too much of an "emotional moment".... but now I feel better.... I know that I have faith..... and I'm sure at the end all will be fine..... I just want to be able to make the right decision... that's all...... maybe a resignation letter would be helpful... that's what I'm leaning towards..... ta abad ke nemitoonam oonvaro too aabnamak bekhaboonam........they've already given me plenty of time to make a decision...... too bad that nothing is ever as easy as it may seem....... but on the bright side, the same holds true for the opposite...... nothing is ever as bad as it may seem.......
anyways....... still very very verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyy thankful........
g ngt!
