Leaving in three days...
I just want to write this here before it's time for me to leave because I am hoping for a big change once I get there and I want to know exactly where I stand today and how things will hopefully (god willingly :) ) change in a good way......
First I want to talk about love because it's something that I think about quiet a lot but the fact that I need a job before any of "that" happens always prevents me from day dreaming.... I am so thankful that I have the ability to be honest with myself..... to acknowledge what I have and don't have.... but to not give up at the same time and hope for the best..... anyways, as I was saying, it's not like I don't want love..... what attracts me as I have said in my previous posts is guys who can pamper me.... not with their money...... with their affection and attention..... that's not all that I want but it's a good start..... I guess it's the same for a guy.... and I really think if that's the case it will move forward from there..... for example, if someone is always looking after me, it will be inevidable for me to ignore that kind of attention and I will show them some level of affection in return...... and we will live happily ever after! lol.... I know...... I do think like a 15 year old when it comes to love..... it's because I haven't had it yet..... it's been in my head all this time..... but it has matured to some extent... I know that for sure! I will never forget RD's interpretation of love: to care for someone more than you care for yourself..... I had that! Yes, I did! I cared for HT more than I cared about myself... it's true...... but that's why everything was so messed up... I did not receive the same kind of love in return.... and I know there were many factors missing in our relationship ... but I did have that innocent kind of love for him......that's all I know...... the big factors that were missing were sex, food, and more importantly intellectual compatibility! I am still in a phase where I am trying to understand the basic necessities of life.... leaving the science and politics out... just being a good person......I'm still stock with that phase that a child lives in ....... the one with no complications...... not that my life is not complicated because it is...... but I am still trying....... and I haven't stopped.......... and that's all that matters.......so yea...... in terms of love..... doos daram ashegh besham.... doos daram yeki ke man azash khosham miad ashegham beshe o ashegham bemooneh!!! shodeh ke ashegh beshamo besheh, vali kheyli kootah moddat boodeh..... chon man raftaram bache gane boodeh...... man kheyli taghir kardam........ kheyli behtar shodam....... vali hanooz kheyli kam tajrobam....... vali baz ham omidvaram va omid daram :) hanoozam mishe ghorbanieh in vahshateh manhoos nashod...... hanoozam mishe taslime shabo asire kaboos nashod.......
man az khoondaneh she'r baa sedaayeh boland lezzat mibaram......az peida kardane she'r ham bara occasion hayeh mokhtalef lezzat mibaram....... ashegheh raghsidan ham hastam.... hanooz bacham.......vali daram arzesheh dashtaneh doostaye khoob ro mifahmam...... hanooz manieh doostieh vagheyi ro nemidoonam...... hanooz natoonestam bara khodam "ideal" too doosti bezaram..... ba kheylia kenar miamo haal mikonam...... vali dooste samimi 1-2 ta bishtar nadaram..... ok 2 ta...... ke yekishoon pesare o bazi moghe ha dar morede "doostimoon" shak mikonam chon vaghean kasi nist ke betoonam dardo delayeh koochiko khale zanakimo behesh begam...... vali midoonam har jayeh donya basham mitoonam hamisheh roosh hesaab konam va in barayeh man yek donya arzesh dareh...... man khodam dooste khoobi baraye oon nistam.... vali vaghean agar az dastam bar biad har kari barash anjam midam......
I like who I am and I want to build on this personality and become better.. but I believe I have a pretty good and solid foundation....... thankfully <3>
so what was this post all about again? First love and relationships which seems like it's not gonna happen any time soon and unfortunately as much as I want it that's the reality for now! Secondly, I have to get that job because I truly believe that I'd be good at it! Thirdly I can only hope and pray that I will make some positive changes in my life while I am there....... vacation is over! gotta work......gotta make my family proud... I have to make a big change (which will again happen once I find a job!) :) :) wish me luck......
Show me the right path and help me make the right decisions ..... and make my recent dream come true....... :) :) THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING
g ngt
ps as I told my friend P I am truely not thinking about HIM at all...... well I am at the back of my head... but the plan is to not contact him until he messages me....... nothing has changed...... I have realized that he's not a good match for me so why bother? :) (ok at the back of my head there is a glimpse of hope which is stupid and will soon enough go away!!!!)
First I want to talk about love because it's something that I think about quiet a lot but the fact that I need a job before any of "that" happens always prevents me from day dreaming.... I am so thankful that I have the ability to be honest with myself..... to acknowledge what I have and don't have.... but to not give up at the same time and hope for the best..... anyways, as I was saying, it's not like I don't want love..... what attracts me as I have said in my previous posts is guys who can pamper me.... not with their money...... with their affection and attention..... that's not all that I want but it's a good start..... I guess it's the same for a guy.... and I really think if that's the case it will move forward from there..... for example, if someone is always looking after me, it will be inevidable for me to ignore that kind of attention and I will show them some level of affection in return...... and we will live happily ever after! lol.... I know...... I do think like a 15 year old when it comes to love..... it's because I haven't had it yet..... it's been in my head all this time..... but it has matured to some extent... I know that for sure! I will never forget RD's interpretation of love: to care for someone more than you care for yourself..... I had that! Yes, I did! I cared for HT more than I cared about myself... it's true...... but that's why everything was so messed up... I did not receive the same kind of love in return.... and I know there were many factors missing in our relationship ... but I did have that innocent kind of love for him......that's all I know...... the big factors that were missing were sex, food, and more importantly intellectual compatibility! I am still in a phase where I am trying to understand the basic necessities of life.... leaving the science and politics out... just being a good person......I'm still stock with that phase that a child lives in ....... the one with no complications...... not that my life is not complicated because it is...... but I am still trying....... and I haven't stopped.......... and that's all that matters.......so yea...... in terms of love..... doos daram ashegh besham.... doos daram yeki ke man azash khosham miad ashegham beshe o ashegham bemooneh!!! shodeh ke ashegh beshamo besheh, vali kheyli kootah moddat boodeh..... chon man raftaram bache gane boodeh...... man kheyli taghir kardam........ kheyli behtar shodam....... vali hanooz kheyli kam tajrobam....... vali baz ham omidvaram va omid daram :) hanoozam mishe ghorbanieh in vahshateh manhoos nashod...... hanoozam mishe taslime shabo asire kaboos nashod.......
man az khoondaneh she'r baa sedaayeh boland lezzat mibaram......az peida kardane she'r ham bara occasion hayeh mokhtalef lezzat mibaram....... ashegheh raghsidan ham hastam.... hanooz bacham.......vali daram arzesheh dashtaneh doostaye khoob ro mifahmam...... hanooz manieh doostieh vagheyi ro nemidoonam...... hanooz natoonestam bara khodam "ideal" too doosti bezaram..... ba kheylia kenar miamo haal mikonam...... vali dooste samimi 1-2 ta bishtar nadaram..... ok 2 ta...... ke yekishoon pesare o bazi moghe ha dar morede "doostimoon" shak mikonam chon vaghean kasi nist ke betoonam dardo delayeh koochiko khale zanakimo behesh begam...... vali midoonam har jayeh donya basham mitoonam hamisheh roosh hesaab konam va in barayeh man yek donya arzesh dareh...... man khodam dooste khoobi baraye oon nistam.... vali vaghean agar az dastam bar biad har kari barash anjam midam......
I like who I am and I want to build on this personality and become better.. but I believe I have a pretty good and solid foundation....... thankfully <3>
so what was this post all about again? First love and relationships which seems like it's not gonna happen any time soon and unfortunately as much as I want it that's the reality for now! Secondly, I have to get that job because I truly believe that I'd be good at it! Thirdly I can only hope and pray that I will make some positive changes in my life while I am there....... vacation is over! gotta work......gotta make my family proud... I have to make a big change (which will again happen once I find a job!) :) :) wish me luck......
Show me the right path and help me make the right decisions ..... and make my recent dream come true....... :) :) THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING
g ngt
ps as I told my friend P I am truely not thinking about HIM at all...... well I am at the back of my head... but the plan is to not contact him until he messages me....... nothing has changed...... I have realized that he's not a good match for me so why bother? :) (ok at the back of my head there is a glimpse of hope which is stupid and will soon enough go away!!!!)
posted by TolooehFardaa at
1:01 AM
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