what to do???????

hmmmmm ........ i really wanna help this guy! seriously.......... i LOVE helping people............ i love it so much........... i usually help people mostlly to make myself feel better ............ and i consider this a gift from god for providing me with an opportunity to give back to this world......... but what can i say to make him feel better? from my own experience i was really dep at one point............ but i did overcome that........ i'm just trying to think how i did it......... and it was by "someone's" help if u know what i mean......... or so i think? was it me or was it him that helped me? anyways............ i think seeing a psychologist is stupid........... but since he believes in their power i guess it's ok........ but i still wanna tell him something........... it's not the end of the world........... a lot of people are depressed........... what can he do to make himself feel better???? hmmmmmmmmm.............. i'm gonna go take a shower for now............. maybe i'll come up with something while i'm in there :D

Discovering me..........

What a small world!

I had to wait 15 min in the cold for the next bus since the one that was supposed to come at 8:10 broke down........ after getting on the sky train, guess who walks in? this is probably someone i've never told u about .......... i mean i dont think i have since it wasnt important at all....... anyways....... lets just say it's a guy who saw me once and was interested in me and he's around 29..........

so I see him on the skytrain..........and we start talking......... and since he's a verrry talkative person he's the one talking......... and it seems like he's depressed and sad....... i mean he's seeing a psychologist for god's sake so he's definately kinda depressed......... and his depression has a name......... meaning that he's usually in a bad mood........ like one minute he's happy and the next he's not........ so i really enjoyed listening to him.......... since i think i have the same problem........ so if i go to the doctor they're probably gonna ask me to see a psychologist and stuff........... but the difference between me and him i guess is that i'm still trying to help myself find thinks to have to look forward to.........where as he has already got his dream job, and his dream house...... all he's missing is "the one"...... so it got me thinking.......... what if i do all that and never find the one? will the same happen to me? I guess not ..........since u see........... (i'm doubting this as i'm writing it).......... my goal is not to find the one........ i mean maybe i'll be looking for the one forever......... but since i'm very sure of myself......... the only think that i want is to be able to do something to touch people's life........ i think i do have the personality to find friends and maybe eventually the one......... but i donnow......................... hmm.......... maybe i just donnow.........let's see where i'll be a year from now... then we'll take it from there...........

by the way........... my new fav tv show is CUPID :D (i was jus watching it now........... pretty kewlll)

Zemestoon
Taneh oryooneh baaghcheh chon biaaboon
Derakhtaaa
Baa paahaayeh shekasteh zireh baaroon
Nemidooni to ke aashegh naboodi
Che sakhte marge gol baraayeh goldoon
Golo goldoon che shab ha.... neshastan bi bahaaneh......vase ham ghesseh goftan aasheghaaneh
Che sakhte
Che sakhte
Baayad tanhaa bemoone ghalbeh goldoon

Mesleh man
Ke bi to
Neshastam inja ba cheshmaayeh geryoon

Dear blog........

I love you so much :D ....... seriously I donnow what I would do without u......who else would listen to my crazy thoughts ? no body......that's right no body...... still going crazyyyy......... omg ............. i think i'm going to die before this term is over........... i really do feel dead.......... seriouslly....... just look at me............ am i dead? 'cause it certainly feels that way.......... actually that's not true at all.......... if i were dead i wouldnt be feeling this terrible............ omg ........... i just want it to be over ........... either school or.......... :D ........... JK

oh and dont forget about my request pleassssssssssse............ please please please......... i really really really want thissssssssss ............ pleaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaassssssssssse........... I love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

Gimme, Gimme

KHODAYA

YOU KNOW WHAT I WANT....... PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE ........ I REALLY REALLY WANT THIS........... I KNOW ITS KIND OF A LAST MINUTE REQUEST......BUT IT FEELLS SO RIGHT AND I WANT IT BADDDDDDDD......... jooneh mannnnnnnnnnnnnn ........ pleaaaaaaaaaaaase............ thank you............ love you soooooooooooo much :X :*

I WANT A BABY........... NOW

loll............ omg ........... i'm going crazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzy..........

I was trying to think of why it's good that I'm graduating now? Things are going to be good but I donnow why I don't want it to end.......... but then I went into a dream world......... finding a great husband...... a house............a car........... and of course....... a baby........... that's all I need to make me happy* :D :D ......... ........ but I know that's not gonna happen any time soooooooon....... or ever............ so where would this baby that I want come from???????? hmmmmmmm...........

*I'm so scared of thinking about finding a job.... that's why that wasn't part of my dream........ finding a husband right now sounds more realistic than a good job in this stupid job market!!!

How are you?

I'm better now.......thanks for asking...........

I wasn't feeling well today....... u know I've told you about how i've started stressing out about this final month of school............. I was so :-s today that 2 people asked me "what's wrong?" .......Since I have big eyes they're very noticable when they get sad...... lol ........ the truth is that I HATE wasting time and i did not do anything for like 4 days.... not a thing......... that's why the guilt of 4 days with nothing accomplished kind of hit me today...... but I'm ok now........... I think I'm just gonna go to bed and try to have a more productive day tomorrow......... :)

p.s. I haven't talked to M for exactly 1 week now........ I was gonna msg him and say "yeh hafteh harf nazadanemoon mobarak" .... but then I realized that would be crazy because I freaking spent a week to get over it ....... why would I start it again??? I might be crazy.....but not that crazy!

To love and be loved in return...........

I have opened a can of worms......................

It needs to be closed like NOW........... god help me..........

عــزيــز مـن بـهـار من بـازم بمـون کـنـار من
دلم ميخواد نگات کنم نـاز دلـم صـدات کنم
بهت بگم دوست دارم دوست دارم يه عالمه
اگه همش با تو باشم
بـازم کـمـه
بازم کـمـه
چشماي نازت مونده به يادم،
طاقت دوريت و من ندارم
تنگ غروبه دلم گرفته،
چشماي نازت منو گرفته

Happy Eid

hehehe.......... eventhough it didnt feel like it's eid caz of the rain and everything facebook helped a little bit since everyone was saying happy new year and everything....... it's funny caz my parents are talking to our friends and relatives in Iran..........and since the connection is never good they are yelling and like repeating the same thing 100 times so they can hear them on the other side of the line.......... :P..... oh and we're going to go shopping for jigoojiboojiiii :X :X love her sooooooooo muchhhhhhhhh

Confused......

hmmm......

it's mostly because of the rain (don't ask me why i blame everything on the rain!!!)

I feel bad about not being able to be myself........ but maybe it's a good thing because it might keep me away from the place where i should not be.......... i should interact with people in real life ..... not that i don't ........ i need to do it more! ......

anyways....... i'm kinda :( .......... but it's ok......... i'll live .........

:)

Happy...........for no reason of course........ 2 more months........ 1.5 more months.......... maybe 3 more months.......(these are 3 different things!)

cheghadr zaman dir migzare......... u know what? I have decided that I want to be alone for now............ so I don't wanna talk 2 the guy I had told u about.........at least not for now...... I want to be at PEACE without worrying about why I'm so weird eg. don't call him, don' wanna see him etc. so........ I do love my current situation

I just hope god helps me with everything......... :)

so maybe the "man digeh montazereh hichkasi nistam keh biad" was really true without me even knowing it

persian new year is coming up........... i'm not excited just like every other year (for the past 6-7 years) ........ and now that we don't live where we did before (where most of the NY celebrations happened) I really don't feel like it's EID at alllll.........

but I might go to see shahram shappareh in mahon......... every year a bunch of FOBs (not in a bad way but they are actually fresh off the boat! lol) come and they just seem so different from the way I think persian people should be........ they don't represent the culture I have in mind from 10 years ago......... so....... but it's always good to see some familar faces...........

:(

:( :(

I wish I were diff.......

I don't like being in this "indifferent" mood........ I do like to care for people........... but I' m just in the mood of not caring..... I mean I'm just floating in my crazy world these days.... as if no body else exists...........

The greatest victory......everything does happen for a reason..... :)

So as I was wasting a few hours in the library, waiting for my next class, I ran into RD ..... (u know who he is right? if you don't read a few posts from jan 2008 I believe or dec 2007 i think i had written a few things about him then and had finally decided to be happy about him and his x gf who is now his gf again) ....... anyways..........as I was saying...... I ran into him........ he was on a computer....... and there was a free computer next to his......so I went and sat there........ and said hi very formally........and he said Hi back........ and then I was just doing my own thing cause I had to check something on the internet.......and he started a convo...... even though he was studying...... I just replied to his questions...... not asking him much in return......... and it was a really good feeling........ u know...... he is a total stranger to me now.... eventhough i still think he is nice and everything I don't have absoloutely no feelings for him AT ALL ....... like 0! ........ so it was good to see that............ to look into the eyes of someone u once though u liked...... talk to them...... and don't care AT ALL if they are there or not..... after I left I didn't even think about him....... so yea....... it was really interesting ..........

And remember the 30 year old guy that I had told you about (look in the posts of Feb) ..... he txt msged me yesterday........after 3 whole weeks of saying absoloutely nothing!! hahaha...... I mean that's just crazy right? what was he thinking? did he think I'm that stupid to go back and want to talk to him????? NO WAY...... he's so part of the past.....

I'm so thankful........... thank you god for not letting me start anything with this guy....... considering his age and background and who he is he's definately not right for me........ I was just attracted to him because he's cute! but who cares if he's cute right?

So here is my news....... as I was doing what I had promised myself and you not to do (chat) during spring break (2 weeks ago) at like 4 in the morning......... I met someone from Vancouver ..... anyways...... he's actually a city away.......doing his masters.......... and he's a year younger than me :D ....... but he's absoloutely adorable......... however......... the thing is that I do really hate chatting..... and I dont really feel like having a long distance relationship (I'm not saying that he's interested ........ just in case he is ...... )........... anyways ..... the point is that I don wanna call him....... and don't think chatting with him so much is right either........ so I've decided to chat with him maybe once or twice a week......... and see where things go........... he's so so very nice ....... but I can't say anything about how I feel....... because I don't know how I feel until I see him......... he came to van last week and said we should meet up........ but I said no....... cause I really dont feel like starting anything now that it's the last term.... I want to finish it in peace...... haha......... I just hope he doesn't think I'm ignoring him because I don't like him.......

har chi ghesmat baashe :) .... emroozam bahash harf nazadam......... which is what I wanted...... but now I'm not in a good mood...........

lately..... i guess ever since I met him..... i dont care about anyone else anymore........ i mean i haven't called P ...... and don't really talk much at home...... i just want to be left alone for a while........ but that's hard to do considering I live under the same roof with 3 other people.......... and + I feel a storm coming....... I hope not........ I just don't feel like being nice to anyone right now ......... i donnow why?!!! ........ I just want to be quiet with myself and not talk to anyone ...... it could be because of the stress........ it's kind of wearing me down ......... the stress of graduating in less than 2 months......... the stress of the finals......... and the marks........ and the assignments.......... everything....... i wish i could press the fast forward button........the school will be finished FOREVER 1 month from today

The trurth about me..............

When I think about life and my future .......... the picture of my future and what I want to be doing in 10 years does not include another person.......... maybe because I have given up on that....... but even in the past that was never it............

What I want to do is help......... like when I see how innocent children in poor countries are suffering my heart goes out to them......... and all I can think of is becoming rich to help them.........

As for my family.......... I feel like I'm too attached to them........... I don't know why............. I'm actually not attached......... like I THINK I can move away and live without them for a while........ but I feel like they will get wayyyyyyyyyyy too sad if I ever go away.......... so the feeling of guilt will never let me leave them here by themselves.............. Otherwise in my head I am always excited about moving away........ craving to meet new people and new cultures and EXPERIENCING SOMETHINGN NEW......in order to grow and have a better understanding of this world.............

My first goal in life is becoming rich to first help my own family, second help my relatives, and third help those who are in need.........

But before I do that I will need a home for myself............ so with the money that I make in the future I have to be able to buy a 1-2 bedroom apartment first before I do what I said above..........

There is something wrong..... stop pretending that it's ok.......

The more I think about it the more I realize that there is something really weird about relationships these days.......... first of all the proof of that is the fact that so many people are getting married and divorced.........the rate of divorce in Canada is about 45% and about 60-75% of these people get remarried...........

"The USA has the lowest percentage among Western nations of children who grow up with both biological parents, 63%,"

"Before that point (1950), anyone who wanted to end their marriage was going to have to prove allegations of adultery or cruelty. Being able to get a divorce based on the fact that the marriage had broken down or irreconcilable differences may have been a factor in the increase in divorce rates during this decade."

So what is wrong here? Does this game that everybody has invented has a real winner? Don't you think that the rules of this game should change to decrease the probability of ending a marriage? Don't ask me how it should change because I have not thought about it that much yet. But I still think that it's stupid to decide to get married, probably after many years of dating, and end up divorcing...... specially when you have kids!! They are the poor victims here..... and we are wondering why there is more violence and cruelty in this world? when there is no love...... when people are always afraid of being left alone........ when everything has become so complicated because of the lies and dishonesties............when everybody thinks that they should pretend to be something that they are not just to be a good player.....what should we really expect from the relationships today and the children that are growing up in this cruel world?

anyways........ I was thinking of the people around me.......and how they have all been in relationsihips and ended up breaking up.......... how guys have become so crazily complicated!!! like what is up with the rule that "u should keep them wait......." ........ i was talking to a girl yesterday who said that she has been in a relationship with this guy from NY who she has seen a few times since august..... and even now ........after 6 monthes when she messaged him (txt msg) after talking on the phone (saying something sweeet like "i love you") she didn't hear a reply from him until the next day...........

and another friend of mine was almost engaged with a guy who didn't really treat her nicely ..... but for some stupid reason she decided to try to make her relationship work.......and they eventually broke up.............

I've heard to many sad stories..........specially in Iran the stories are usually about girls getting married while they are in a relationship with another guy and ending their relationship (hopefully) on the day (or a few days) before they get married....

anyways.......... i have to go eat lunch....................

see u later





http://divorcerate.ca/
http://divorce.lovetoknow.com/Historical_Divorce_Rate_Statistics
http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2005-07-18-cohabit-divorce_x.htm