Am I really mean/senseless/heartless?

I had promised to go to my sister's house next week to spend time with her since she's having a baby in about 2 weeks........... but then they called me from work and asked me if I could work next week and I said yes....... then I emailed her and asked her if that's ok ..........and she got mad at me saying that "you have no desire to spend time with me so why would you offer to come to my house in the first place, you keep breaking my heart" ..........

is what I did that bad?

I feel really bad now :(

Bartar boodan.........

Ma'nieh in vaghean chieh? avval mikhastam begam keh aareh man az ba'ziaa bartaram bara hamin nabayad baa hamchin adamai harf bezanam.........vali vaagheiat ineh keh bahs bahseh bartar boodan nist....... bahseh tafaavot haast.......... man nemitoonam yeh adameh faghiri ke ba yek maadar bozorg shodeh o dar yeh shahreh iran ke man shayad hichvaght narafteh baashamo dark konam...........areh man hanooz oonghadr beh takaamol naresidam ke betoonam hameyeh aadamaro mesleh ham bedoonam.............mardom ba ham fargh daran............ hamishe az in mozoo mitarsidam........ ya'ni nemitarsidam.......... vali beh har hal adam tarjih mideh ba kasaai ke bahashoon bishtar aashnai dare begarde ta yeki ke az yek donyaaye digeh oomadeh............ man khodam hattaa ba khanevadamam in moshkelo daram ke belakhareh yad gereftam bahash kenaar biaam.......... mardomi ke nesfe zendegishoon ghablaz enghelaab boodeh......... mardomi ke kheyli talkhio shirini .......shayad bishtar talkhi dar zendegi keshidan..........shayadam ghadre shirini haye zendegiro nadoonestan........mardomi ke hezar ta khatereh daran............bar akseh man ........... 23 saal zendegi va shayad kamtar az 23 ta khatereh............ nemidoonam.......... khanevadeyeh khodamo doost daaram..........hattaa bishtar...........ashegheshoonam............. ashegheh ghesseh haashooonam............ baraam chizai ke tarif mikonan kheyli vaght haa bavar kardani nist........ kaaraai ke anjaam daadan.......... jahai ke raftan........ ettefaghai ke barashoon oftade.........ettefaaghai ke baraayeh dorovariashoon oftaadeh........... az donyaai ke man ba oon ashnai daram kheyli dooreh.... vali baaz ham belakhare adam be donya oomadeh ta zendegi koneh va chiz haayeh jadid yaad begireh......... man ke hanooz zendegimo shoroo nakardam..........vali bayad kam kam ghablaz inkeh dir besheh yeh kaari konam..........

I'm very confused right now........... not sure what the next step should be..........

but it's 12:06 a.m. ........... and i'm VERY sleepy............ so the best thing to do is to go to sleep! :)

News..........

Not only did my dream not come true, it was actually a nightmare come into reality........

like the worst thing that does not happen to an average person ......... something beyond belief......... it had to happen to me........... and I wonder why...........and when I think about it there is only one explanation............ EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON

I still have hope...........

so that was my last final exam.............. how do I feel right now? very shocked..........confused......... not sure exactly where I belong in this world.......... but I know it will come to me.........eventually...... there is a purpose that needs to be fulfilled.............

:)

yani misheh?

yani misheeeeeeeeee?

yani ageh man az tahe tahe TAHE TAHEEEEEEEEEEEE ghalbam bekhaam mishe?

khodayaaa................make my dream come true............ please please please...........

alaan kheyli be komaket ehtiaaj daaram............. vaaghean in aarezoomeh..............vaaghean ehsaas mikonam tamaameh zahmataai ke ta alaan keshidam arzeshe ino daashte....... komakam konnnnn..........man daaram hameyeh sa'yamo mikonam............vali be komakeh toam ehtiaj darammmmmmmmmmmmmmm

MAKE MY DREAME COME TRUE.......... PLEASE ............ I REALLY REALLY REALLY WANT THIS

elaahi yaamin!

Yeh del daaram do delbar.......... in var beram yaa oonvar? :D

lol I hope you know that the title of this post is part of a song

but seriously!! wtf

what have I done?

taghsireh ooneh ke avval mige aasheghe yeki digast ba'd..........
va taghsire oonyekieh keh aadamo confused mikoneh!

anyways..........the truth is that I'm thinking none of them are gonna work in the end! but why 22222222? maybe I shouldn't decide so suddenly...... I'm jumping to the conclusion too quickly....... I think....

I have more important things to think about.........so I might not talk to either of them for a while ......... :-S

Before I forget.........

I was thinking of writing something here yesterday....... but I wasnt home last night........ so now that I'm here i should write it before i forget....... even though i'm really sleepyyyyyyyy.......

I was gonna say that i'm once step closer to my goal...... i was thinking that in the past 5 years i've changed at least in 1 good way........ and that's the fact that I complain a lot less than before......... and the fact that i do my complaining here doesnt count ok???????? lol

I remember I used to say a lot of negative things out loud ........ like "omg i'm so behind..... i have to study" .......... or "aa i'm so tired .......... i wish i could go home" ........ or things like that........ i've become a looooooooooot more positive....... and I try to smile even on a rainy day and try my best to send off a positive energy to those around me........ unless i'm having a really bad day which happens every once in a while......... and even if i do complain i do it with a smile.......... :D

and I'm happy that i've added one more guest to those who would "grief" for me if I die........ lol......... besides my family members I'm sure P would be sad if I die... but now there is someone else.... a classmate...... the last day of classes she thanked me for always being supportive and positive...... so YAY me ........... lol........ but i guess that's one of my biggest goals in life.... to make people remember me.........right now there are not a lot......... my family + p + BM ......... lol

ummmmmmmm so yea......... what else did i wanna say?

oh ....... ishalla khoda hichvaght aadamo mohtaajeh digaraan nakoneeeeeeeee............ i hate asking for favors........... never have and never will .......... unless i have to ............ and this was a time that i had to............ and now i remember why i hate it.............. why should people make such a big deal out of a small help? why should they torture you before they give you what you asked for??????? whyyyyyyyy? ..................grrrrrrrrr...............

Wanting a dunkey and a date at once!

This is an old persian expression which translates to "ham kharo mikhay ham khorma".......

Remember how every year, when it's near exam time I fall in love, or want to fall in love, or think about falling in love? well, this year it's different, I have changed my focus on something that's just a bit ( a lot!!!) more important..........but this time it's not just a daydream that can come and go............it's something that I have to work on ........... it's always been on the corner of my mind but now I want to turn it into reality...... and as I'm trying to do exactly that and as I get closer to it the more it seems like I won't get there........ I dont know why... I donnow why I'm like that............ I dream about something and as it's about to happen I get discouraged ....... I think I'm scared of not fulfilling it..........

the other news is that M has found someone (remember the guy that I'd told you about who is about a year younger than me?) ........ so yea.......... good for him!

trying to avoid all the distractions......... keep my head up.......... look straight ........... and succeed!

:)

khodaya khodet komakam kon ......

Peyghaami az tarafeh man beh khodaa va the universe!

Baa arzeh salaam va khasteh nabaashid khedmateh shomaa dastandarkaaraaneh aziz

Mikhaastam az samimeh ghalb beh khaatereh poshtibaani az ahdaafeh man shakhsan azatoon tashakkor konam..........vaghean kheyli maahid....... ghorboonetoon beram........fadaatoonam besham........ kheyli khoshhalam az inkeh beh darkhaasteh man residegi kardid va havaamo darid......... vaaghean mamnoonamm..... man kheyli vaght haa ghadreh khodam ro nemidoonam........... vali shoma midoonid ke cheghadr daram talash mikonam keh gheyreh mostaghim beh oon chizaayi ke mikhaam beresam..... yani vaghti behesh nazdik misham ehsaas mikonam az hayejaaneh ziaad sa'y mikonam azash doori konam chon bavaram nemishe ke vaagheiat betooneh enghadr shirin baasheh........... baraayeh hamin fekr mikonam keh bazi oghaat vaghean bayad tanbih besham va ehsaaseh naa aaraamio negaraanio stress konam ta be khodam biamo edaameh bedam........ midoonin ke man IN RO mikhaam..........hatta agaram nemigam az tarsameh........ barash vaghean talaash kardam......... lotfan komakam konin ta kamelan beh dast biaaramesh........I WANT IT REALLY BAD.... and if i ever seem like i don't it'd be just because of the fact that i don't wanna be dissapointed.......... however, I really want itttttttttttt...........I waaaaaaaaaaaaaaant itttttttttttttttttt ............. I LOVE YOU SO VERRY MUCh

News:

I'm alive again :)