دگر از درد تنهایی، به جانم یار می‌باید		دگر تلخ است کامم، شربت دیدار می‌باید
ز جام عشق او مستم، دگر پندم مده ناصح!		نصیحت گوش کردن را دل هشیار می‌باید
مرا امید بهبودی نماندست، ای خوش آن روزی		که می‌گفتم: علاج این دل بیمار می‌باید

Feeling frustrated!!!

Feeling Meh

Hmm..... not sure what to do..... can just go to sleep......

What else is there?

I like the title of the song but the lyrics are not what I'm looking for.......

Suddenly really interested in finding some nice jewelry...... I think I have temporarily given up on finding friends..... so I'm trying to replace them with "things" (I think)...

So work is not the best place to find anyone...
Gym is not because I go to "she's fit"....
AND other times I'm usually at home......

Something needs to change..... just donnow what......

Reminder of priorities:
1) School (check)
2) Job (check)
3) Relationship ...... big X mark

Still need to work on myself...... I like myself......but don't love myself yet........ and they say that you can't love someone until you love yourself...... but of course that's not all the problem..... all I can say is that I have a LONG way to go.......

So SO SOOOO THANKFUL........... THANK YOU GOD

still feel lost.....

But I'm chokh thankful lol (chokh = very)

I know that things have changed fast...... it's a new beginning..... I'm doing well so far..... I need to start building...... I think the foundation is there....

When I look around me, I feel like I have no friends....
There are some people, but they are all ppl that I know......
Define friendship......

Hence, I feel lost...

I messaged 2 of my "friends" and asked them if they want to meet up..... they both asked if it's a group gathering...... why do they all want to go out as a group? is it me? is it them? I don't know!

~sigh~

rollercoaster

1st day on the job was boring...... I was all by myself not knowing what to do
2nd day they told me what needs to be done..... I panicked and thought that I should quit right there
3rd day I made myself believe that what I was doing was right

The amount of time I've spoken to the manager = less than 10 minutes......
But I know that's how some jobs are...... they just tell u what to do and do it...... with no training....

I feel alone at work..... and my responsibility is not really something that needs training for.......
A little bit of background info would've been nice!

tomorrow is the 4th day..... my manager is finally gonna look at what I have done...... I can only hope that it's close to what they are looking for...... otherwise I'll be screwed!

ps. I need to change my focus... I've become so lazy........... I guess I'm trying to adjust to all the changes again........

Eshgh mikhaam, eshgh mikhaam, delhoreyeh didaneh yaar :)

~ sigh ~

Back home.....

Still feel as if I'm dreaming...... I can't explain my feelings... in a way I'm happy....... in a way I'm sad...... but definitely more happy than sad...... family problems as usual...... maybe somewhat more serious problems than before...... something I can't help with..... sometimes I don't understand why certain things happen...... I wish I knew.....

On the other hand, I met someone! I only went out with him 4 times... but I really like him...... but now I'm here........ I don't know what's going to happen?! He's so nice and caring..... is it childish to think that we may be able to continue? Should I even consider it? Should he even consider it? I don't know what's gonna happen but I'll keep you posted!

Feeling ashamed to talk about my excitement with people who are struggling to get their PHDs ..... not sure what to do! I'm sure at the end of the day it will be rewarding for them so no need to feel bad!!! right?! :-|

THIS MOMENT

NEVER BEEN MORE EXCITED

yessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSssssssssssss!!!

soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOO happyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

I don't know how to contain myself LOL

anyways........ I just wanted to say THANK YOU GOD....... I LOVE YOU SO SO SO SOOO MUCH

excited to the max!!! :)

So why am I not happier?

Don't get me wrong......I'm extremely happy.... but maybe the fact that I have to move in a few days has created a distraction

There are 2 thoughts that keep going through my head:

1) Temporary with possibility of extension + family
2) Permanent without family

It's such a hard decision...... the truth is that I consider the first one a greater accomplishment.... specially if it was permanent!

I don't know how I should feel about tomorrow's interview.... one minute I think I'm going to ace it.... the next sec I think I'm underestimating its level of difficulty..... then I think maybe it's even better if.......

Anyways..... I'll find out soon......

Breath in...... I will breath out in about 15 hours.......

Good night!

Tonight will be the last night that I can get a good night sleep.... so I'm gonna sleep so that I can wake up early tomorrow.....3 more sleeps after tonight.....

seafood pasta + tomato sauce + tzatziki sauce = bad combination

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