Is it over?
The exam or my relationship?
My last exam was today! I can't believe it..... I'm finally done with school..... I know have a MA degree..... which I don't think I appreciate as much as I should.....I'm so thankful to god......
So after my exam today..... I didn't know what to do with myself.... I was so excited and tired and all that at the same time..... the first thing that came to my mind was that I should impress my man..... which is most of the times more like a wishful thinking....... because no matter how hard I try at the end of the day he won't appreciate it..... maybe I'm not that great at doing things that are great! I decided to make him food and this time I was thinking of making something different with beef stews.....
So after getting frustrated 2 hours after my exam for calling him and him not picking up, he finally called me 3 hours after I had called him.... all this time I was blaming myself because I thought he might be mad at me because I hadn't called him right after my exam..... so eventually he called me and I didn't say anything to him and we just talked...... I told him that I'm making him food and that I want to bring him food..... he said he's still eating what he got from his mom (for the 3rd day) and this time I'm also invited to joing them to eat the left overs from 3 days ago.... I said that's good but maybe I can bring the food that I made and we can share it...... he said they already have a lot of food but then he said fine... we were supposed to go at around 930
I was still cooking food and talking to my roommate, 1 hr passed and all of a sudden he calls me and tells me that he wants me to get ready and go now..... I hadn't even taken a shower and I HATE CHANGING PLANS AND DOING THINGS WITHOUT PLANS.... let's just say I'm not a very spontaneous person which is a turnoff I know but what can I do.... specially for tonight I wanted to look special so that he would know that I can take care of myself and look good...... he insisted that we go right away because he wanted to go back to the library after to study more (he studies from 6-11) .... (so in my head by the time we get there and we are done with the food it will probably be around 9 so how is he gonna go and study after 9-930??!! I was also thinking that it's nice how he always has time for his family and not for me... but I thought to myself/blamed myself again that I haven't really been the best gf one could ask for so he has the right to do what he likes......specially since we always get into arguments.....) .... so I was like well I need at least an hour to get ready.... and he said well an hr is too late and I'm really hungry now and need to eat my food now.... maybe we should do this another day.... we shldnt have planned something for tonight in the first place since it's in the middle of the week..... and I was like OK.... ( I was about to cry....coudln't believe that I was so excited about something that he didn't even care about...... for some reason I'm always excited to see him... even though we are ALWAYS fighting I still look forward to seeing him everytime.....what's wrong with me?)
So I said ok.. and then he said ok? I was like yea.... and then he said he'll bring the food for me tomorrow..... in my head I was thinking now that he's not eating the food I will probably have food for tomorrow so I don't need his food......and in general I don't like accepting food from other people..... he keeps telling me that in his family he doesn't consider it a favor..... and he doesn't get the fact that it's ok if I say no to him becaues I still consider it a favor and I don't want his FOOD!!!..... anyways.....after he said he'll bring it tomorrow I said I don't want it.. he said but my mom has put it aside for you... I said fine you can bring it then.......and then that's what made him mad...... he almost told me F*** You for saying no when I offer you food... he got offended......and we said bye and hung up......
then I started crying as usual..... and I told him (txt msged him) and he didn't care as usual.... and then I started thinking that my relationship has turned into a verbally abusive relationship..... or so I think..... he has made me lose my self confidence.....which is something that I had tried so hard to built.....and I had/have so little of....... EVERYTHING I say to him sounds wrong to him...... he msged me and he said this is the lowest point of our relationship..... he said that I really don't know / have forgotten how to talk....... he always tells me things to put me down...... for example, the other night I told him that I'm going home to make myself food because I'll need it the next day..... and he said I can tell my mom to bring you food...and after I said no he said that's the stupidist thing I could do...... I have a brain, I should learn how to use it!
I had a dream about him and my friend last night....... I saw that they were sitting somewhere together... maybe waiting for me...... but they were spending time with eachother....... not that I care...... nothing's going to ever happen between them... but it was still in my dream.....
he had lied to me about something too..... I had mentioned the fact that its not nice how he msgs my friend.... and he said lets not put words into peoples mouth.... he only does it when we are going out... and then I realized that that was a lie.... but I thought that maybe after that point he won't do it anymore.....
My last exam was today! I can't believe it..... I'm finally done with school..... I know have a MA degree..... which I don't think I appreciate as much as I should.....I'm so thankful to god......
So after my exam today..... I didn't know what to do with myself.... I was so excited and tired and all that at the same time..... the first thing that came to my mind was that I should impress my man..... which is most of the times more like a wishful thinking....... because no matter how hard I try at the end of the day he won't appreciate it..... maybe I'm not that great at doing things that are great! I decided to make him food and this time I was thinking of making something different with beef stews.....
So after getting frustrated 2 hours after my exam for calling him and him not picking up, he finally called me 3 hours after I had called him.... all this time I was blaming myself because I thought he might be mad at me because I hadn't called him right after my exam..... so eventually he called me and I didn't say anything to him and we just talked...... I told him that I'm making him food and that I want to bring him food..... he said he's still eating what he got from his mom (for the 3rd day) and this time I'm also invited to joing them to eat the left overs from 3 days ago.... I said that's good but maybe I can bring the food that I made and we can share it...... he said they already have a lot of food but then he said fine... we were supposed to go at around 930
I was still cooking food and talking to my roommate, 1 hr passed and all of a sudden he calls me and tells me that he wants me to get ready and go now..... I hadn't even taken a shower and I HATE CHANGING PLANS AND DOING THINGS WITHOUT PLANS.... let's just say I'm not a very spontaneous person which is a turnoff I know but what can I do.... specially for tonight I wanted to look special so that he would know that I can take care of myself and look good...... he insisted that we go right away because he wanted to go back to the library after to study more (he studies from 6-11) .... (so in my head by the time we get there and we are done with the food it will probably be around 9 so how is he gonna go and study after 9-930??!! I was also thinking that it's nice how he always has time for his family and not for me... but I thought to myself/blamed myself again that I haven't really been the best gf one could ask for so he has the right to do what he likes......specially since we always get into arguments.....) .... so I was like well I need at least an hour to get ready.... and he said well an hr is too late and I'm really hungry now and need to eat my food now.... maybe we should do this another day.... we shldnt have planned something for tonight in the first place since it's in the middle of the week..... and I was like OK.... ( I was about to cry....coudln't believe that I was so excited about something that he didn't even care about...... for some reason I'm always excited to see him... even though we are ALWAYS fighting I still look forward to seeing him everytime.....what's wrong with me?)
So I said ok.. and then he said ok? I was like yea.... and then he said he'll bring the food for me tomorrow..... in my head I was thinking now that he's not eating the food I will probably have food for tomorrow so I don't need his food......and in general I don't like accepting food from other people..... he keeps telling me that in his family he doesn't consider it a favor..... and he doesn't get the fact that it's ok if I say no to him becaues I still consider it a favor and I don't want his FOOD!!!..... anyways.....after he said he'll bring it tomorrow I said I don't want it.. he said but my mom has put it aside for you... I said fine you can bring it then.......and then that's what made him mad...... he almost told me F*** You for saying no when I offer you food... he got offended......and we said bye and hung up......
then I started crying as usual..... and I told him (txt msged him) and he didn't care as usual.... and then I started thinking that my relationship has turned into a verbally abusive relationship..... or so I think..... he has made me lose my self confidence.....which is something that I had tried so hard to built.....and I had/have so little of....... EVERYTHING I say to him sounds wrong to him...... he msged me and he said this is the lowest point of our relationship..... he said that I really don't know / have forgotten how to talk....... he always tells me things to put me down...... for example, the other night I told him that I'm going home to make myself food because I'll need it the next day..... and he said I can tell my mom to bring you food...and after I said no he said that's the stupidist thing I could do...... I have a brain, I should learn how to use it!
I had a dream about him and my friend last night....... I saw that they were sitting somewhere together... maybe waiting for me...... but they were spending time with eachother....... not that I care...... nothing's going to ever happen between them... but it was still in my dream.....
he had lied to me about something too..... I had mentioned the fact that its not nice how he msgs my friend.... and he said lets not put words into peoples mouth.... he only does it when we are going out... and then I realized that that was a lie.... but I thought that maybe after that point he won't do it anymore.....
posted by TolooehFardaa at
5:39 PM
>0
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