Va in MANAM...tako tanhaa... dar aastaaneyeh viraanegi..... empty....... is how I feel.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Delam gerefteh :(

روزگاري رفت و من در هر زمان
آزمودم رنج « غربت » را بسي

درد « غربت » ميگدازد روح را
جز « غريب » اين را نميداند كسي

هست غربت گونه گون در روزگار
محنت غربت بسي مرگ آور است

از هزاران غربت اندوه خيز
غربت « بي همزباني » بدتر است


من گریزانم از این خسته ترین شکل حیات

و از این غربت تلخ

که به اجبار به پایم بستند

Monday, October 25, 2010

Don't forget the goal.....

Have you thought about what you sometimes have to give up to get what you want? And have you ever been in a situation where you realized what you gained was not worth that which you gave up?

I was thinking and I suddenly remembered....I should not let distractions confuse me about what my dream was......

My dream was NEVER falling in love with someone that doesn't like me in return....that was never the goal.......that's something I can get every day.....because it's easy to fall in love..... but if you think about it you can't call it love unless you are loved back by that person...... that was my dream.... to love and be loved in return..... but the person that I loved and thought loves me is actually in love with someone else.......so now I must change my dream.....

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Az to be yek eshareh, az man be sar davidan?

Shookhi nakon!

It's really hard to explain the feeling........ whenever he feels lonely I feel love for him..... when he shows his vulnerebaility all I want to do is run to him, hug him, and tell him everything's gonna be ok

But thats all in my head......

Did I tell you about the dream I had about him? It was the weirdest thing....my grandparents were watching....... and I was with him...... attempting to kiss.... lol ...... but they were watching.....and my grandparents both passed away many years ago.....so what could this dream mean?????

Anyways..... he's a cute guy..... I found his blog again and am happyyyy..... :D

He calls her "the flower"

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Mersi khoda joonam :)

Emrooz sob ke bidar shodam haalam kheyli gerefteh bood
Nemidoonam kollan narahat boodam ke chera enghad nemitoonam tasmim begiram ..... I ask for something and when I get it I get confused and dont know what to do with it....... they are nice people....... but I think I should not hang out with them because they're first of all younger than me.....second of all, and most importantly, I don't want them to get attached to me......

But I don't get itTTTTTTTTTTTTTt........why people show interest in someone that doesn't like them? I really really don't get it!

Actions speak louder than words...... if someone ignores you but when they talk to you they seem all nice don't believe it!!! They talk nicely but if their actions proves otherwise don't believe the words that they say!!!! I sometimes get confused too but that's how it is.... believe me!

I was thinkin of the movie "A beautiful mind" ...... you know how crowe is all f'ed up but his wife stands beside him and helps him get better? That's what love is...........it's crazy......and it's scary... but it really might get to that point!!

What's my point? I'm just saying.......sometimes it's really hard to explain why you feel the way you do....... I have to think about it after my midterm.......

For now, I'm kind of at peace.......btw I feel better than I did this morning because HE called me.....I know what your thinking........ ok ok ........I'm gonna go :D

BYE

Ok I'll say something else.......like at this point I like him....... but I understand his actions too...... he has a gf........and I'm ok with that........ I'm slowly beginning to not over react....... and I'm at peace.......thank you god!

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Khoda farda ra be kheyr bokonad!

Shayad man kheyli bad binam.......

Nemidoonam chi fekr konam.......

is amazed at....

Oops....this is not a facebook status!

Ok......I'm amazed at how foreign the meaning of friendship is to me!

I want to care!!!! I keep saying this...... as you know I say it all the time........how can I care? Why should I care? What makes one care about a friend? Isn't it just because of the need of not being alone? So you find friends so you can spend time with them so that you won't get bored? Isn't that just using them? I guess people use each other....... to fill their free time? Is that all friendship is?

I want to be a friend! Why can't I want to have a friend? Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?

I don't get it

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Meh....

Ok fine......... I'll say it....... :(

I feel lost....... I can't change.........it's so hard...... when I was coming here I told myself that I'm not doing this for school........I'm not even doing it for him...........I'm doing it so I can grow......so I can learn how to interact with real people...........I def don't call spending all your time in the library interacting with people!!!

I kind of found some friends.......he introduced them to me......... and I donnow......even though I like them I think one of them likes me.......and u know how I freak out when I dont like someone and notice that they like me!!! He hasnt said anything......or he said it as a joke.......he asked me out as a joke............and he freaking paid for my dinner twice already........and gave me rides from here to there and in general he's done a lot........and I feel badddd...... so I decided to stop hanging out with them.......even though they're cute...... I like them.......but I dont want them to fall in love with me! Why don't they get ittttttt? I dont want to be in a relationshippppppp........ I mean even if I do.......they're not right for me...........

I close my eyes and wish for a knight in shining armor :)

Good night

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Here's the thing......

There's absoloutely nothing wrong with being short
Ok?

BUT I think it's wrong for short guys to go after tall girls......
I just don't get it

So here's my message/request to the universe:

Please don't let short guys like me because I won't like them........and I don wanna break their hearts........ that's just the way I am........ I don't like guys that are shorter than me period. Let them stay awayyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Thank you!!!!

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Why are all guys full of BS?

No, you really can't say the same about girls!!!

I personally think that they are always trying too hard to be cool and fit in! or something like that....... ok not all of them......maybe that's not fair to say.......but majority of them!!!

Guess what I found out today? According to his friends, he's still in a relationship

Whatever...... I was already fed up with it...... good for him and his gf!

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Ashkaato sareh kasaayi ke ghadreh cheshaato nemidoonan hadar nadeh!
In baraayeh baareh hezaro shishsado haftaadomin baar......
Cheghad begam
Chera adam nemishi
Adam sho
Saboor baash
Khoshhal baash
Hameh chi doros misheh
Sabr kon va bebin:)

Monday, October 11, 2010

Time to go to bed, but before I do, just wanted to say......

I donnow wether I'm happy or what it is.......
I'm definately "something"

I keep on smiling and laughing for no reason......
Like ok.....I'm happy but at the same time I'm confused...... I dont want to be happy..... there's no reason to be happy......

I'm just glad that I know what I know now.........

So as I said before.......I hung out with him and his crew last night and it was a lot of fun......... I dont know why....... the adrenaline rush of just being around him for 7 hours.......

Don't take this the wrong way.........I'm not after him AT ALL........ because he's such and A hole..... he really is..... but at the same time ......... I have strong feelings for him...... both good and bad........ and lets just say that when I came home at 2:30 a.m. I wasn't even tired.......

It was an amazing feeling........

I reapeat........I'm not after himmmmm ok? Believe me! He's going through a lot right now..... I feel bad for him.... but hopefully he'll feel better soon......I'm sure we can stay friends.......

But he's on my mind like all the time and it's annoyiiiiiiiiiiing....... ok........

I feel lost...... not complaining.......thankful......... I hope everything works out for me with school and everything......... trying to balance life and school..........which I'm REALLY bad at........

But tomorrow's a new day.........I'm thankful

THANK YOU GOD

"Seek, and you shall recieve" :)

BTW

I met some new people last night......... they're nice........ and I saw HIM again....... no comments.......

Bye for now

Gossip?

I just don't like some people!

I don't know why!!! I mean I usually do...... but some people fall in that I guess 1 percent range .... and I can't really say for good reasons!

I'm not gonna who he is because what if they someday find this link and read this? He'd be crushed because he likes me........

I dont know! It's weird.......and I feel like it's something that I have to think about more....... but I don't have time.......maybe later.....

Why do I have to think about it more? Because he's like a nice guy and everything...... but it's amazing how much I just don't like him ........

You're probably complaining because I'm not giving you details..... but sorry....... that's all I'm gonna say

Saturday, October 09, 2010

"Don't put all your eggs in one basket"

LOL........ yani vaaghean az taheh ghalb LOL

I think we were talking about me or something and that's what he told me....... I think he was referring to himself........ he was basically telling me that I was wrong for having invested all my time and energy just on him......isn't that hilarious?

Anyways, as a normal human being (eventhough sometimes I doubt it!) I like getting attention from people.......no I love getting attention from people.......and by people I mean guys...... and I specially think this way when I get IGNORED and HURT by someone that I thought I'd liked!

So let the game begin!

Friday, October 08, 2010

Khosham miaad keh haaliteh!

Alaan daaram ba khodam harf mizanam

Yani kheyli khosham miaad ke daari enghadr sa'y mikoni ke afkaareto taghir bedi

Vaaghean baarikalla daareh

Behet tabrik migam badjoor

Yani har saanieh az fekret control shodast........

Kheyli delet mikhaad baazam beri soraagheh she'raayi ke baraash ghablan neveshte boodi...... delet mikhaad daad bezanio be donyaa begi ke yeh zamaani aasheghesh boodi...... khodetam nemifahmi ke chi shodeh o chi boodeh ...... aslan hichio alaan nemifahmi....... baavaret nemishe ke too in hameh moddat ba inke enghad be khodet gofte boodi BABA baavar kon ke oon aslan az to khoshesh nemiaad baavar nakardeh boodi........baavaret nemishe in hameh moddat enghad khodeto gool zadi...... baavaret nemisheh ke oon enghad raahat nazaresho avaz kard..... oon bood ke aasheghet kard va khodesham gozashto raft...... kheyli raahat gozasht...... bichare aadamaai ke aashegh mishano gooleh in pesaraayeh nafahmo mikhoran...... in pesara ageh maghz daashtan cheghad khoob mishod..... areh kholase khosham miad ke enghad hey baazam dari miri soraagheh fekraat......enghad hanooz mikhay behesh befahmooni........vali enghadr rok motevajjehet kardeh ke baba az to khoshesh nemiad aslan nemitooneh......enghad rok behet gofte ke be khodet ejaaze nemidi ke bishtar az alan ghorooreto beshkani.......yani vagheanaa..........vaagheaneh vaaghean mesleh harf zadan baa divaar mimooneh..... daghighan hamin sheklieh........ engar too in yeh maaho khoordei hamash baa divaar dashtam harf mizadam..... faghat harf mizadam..........man boodam ke harf mizadam........ az divaar yeh sedaahaayi mioomad........vali divar divaar bood..........aadam nabood o del nadaasht......yaa ageh boodo daasht baraayeh to nabood

pas natijeh giri in hast ke vaghti yeki az modeh aadam dar oomado tabdil be divar shod ziaad khodetoono khaste nakonino say nakonin ke aadamesh konin ........ shayad bara yeki digeh aadam besheh vali baraayeh shoma hamisheh divaar mimooneh........

Thursday, October 07, 2010

I hate everything......

Including me.......

Goodnight......

Hopefully tomorrow'll be a better day.......

Va ingooneh bood daastaan......

Daastaani ke tamoom shod
Daastaani ke nemidoonam chetor shoroo shod
Daastaani ke aslan alaan nemidoonam ke chera shoroo shod
Daastaani ke nemidoonam chera aslan fekr mikonam shoroo shod ke tamoom shodeh baasheh
Daastaani ke az avval daastaan nabood
Aslan nemidoonam chi bood
Aslan nemidoonam chi shod
Aslan nemidoonam ta alan chi fekr mikardam
Aslan nemidoonam
Hichi nemidoonam
Azam beporsi 2 maah ghabl chi fekr mikardam shayad betoonam behet begam vali khodamam hatta khodamo dark nemikonam
Khodam khodamo nemifahmam
Kheyli ettefagha oftadeh
Kheyli chiza avaz shodeh

Emrooz bahash harf zadam
Hodoodeh yeh saat
Kheyli awkward bood hameh chi
Kheyli natoonestam harf bezanam
Kheyli harfi baraayeh goftan nadashtam
Kheyli harfi barayeh goftan nabood
Nemitoonestam baahaash afkaramo ke baraayeh khodamam maskharast dar mioon bezaram

Chan vaghte ke fekr mikardam divoonast
Vali oon divoone nist
Divooneh manam, man
Oon kheyli normal ettefaaghan barkhord kard
Man ziaadi beh hameh chi over react kardeh boodam
Taghsir taghsireh man boodeh na oon
Omidvaram betoonam inja ZENDEGI konam
Omidvaram inja betoonam be khodam in ejazaro bedam keh ZENDEGI kardan ro yad begiram

In hafte, too in 8 rooz, kheyli ettefagha oftaad
Faghat in ettefagh na chan chizeh dige am shod
Chan ta chiz baraam roshan shod
Ehsaas mikonam hameh chio digeh midoonam
Yeh joor aaraamesheh khiaal daaram

Adameh khoobieh, vali nemikham bebinamesh chon bish az had hameh chi awkwardeh
Khodesham goft
Beh nazaram tasmimeh khoobieh
Narahat nistam
Nemidoonam chejoori be inja residam
Azam porsid natoonestam javabesho bedam
Khodam nemidoonam
Vali khoshhalam,
Shayadam midoonam
Dalilesh in bood ke man yek bar dar zehnam ashegh shodam
Va mikhastam bebinam ke mitooneh haghighat dashte basheh
Vali nadasht
Man hamoon sangdeliam ke fekr mikardam
Fekr nemikonam hichvaght kasi betooneh mano doost dashte basheh
Chon man hichkio, be gholeh doostam, be andazeh khodam doost nadaram
In yeh haghighate.......

Joonamo baraayeh khanevadam midam....... ino midoonam
Vali khodam kheyli bish az had ajibam
Va kasi na mitooneh donbalam biaad, na man donbaaleh kasi miram......

In fekreh emroozameh

In she'reh maryam heydarzadaro khoondam..... cheghad ghashangeh........

من میگم بهم نگاه کن
تو میگی که جون فدا کن
من میگم چشات قشنگه
تو میگی دنیا دو رنگه
من میگم چه قدر تو ماهی
تو میگی اول راهی
من میگم بمون همیشه
تو میگی ببین نمیشه
من می گم خیلی غریبم
تو میگی نده فریبم
من میگم خوابت رو دیدم
تو میگی دیگه بریدم
من می گم هدف وصاله
تو ولی میگی محاله
من میگم یه عمره سوختم
تو میگی قلبم رو دوختم
من میگم چشمات و وا کن
تو میگی من و رها کن
من میگم خیلی دیوونم
تو میگی آره می دونم
من میگم دلم شکسته ست
تو میگی خوب میشه خسته ست
من میگم بشین کنارم
تو میگی دوستت ندارم
من میگم بهم نظر کن
تو ولی میگی سفر کن
من میگم واسم دعا کن
تو میگی نذر رضا کن
من میگم قلبم رو نشکن
تو میگی من می شکنم من ؟
من میگم واست می میرم
تو میگی نمی پذیرم
من میگم شدم فراموش؟
تو میگی نه ، رفتم از هوش
من میگم که رفتم از یاد ؟
تو میگی نه مرده فرهاد
من میگم باز شدی حیروون ؟
تو میگی بیچاره مجنون
من میگم ازم بریدی ؟
تو می پرسی نا امیدی ؟
من میگم واسم عزیزی
تو میگی زبون میریزی؟
من میگم تو خیلی نازی
تو میگی غرق نیازی
من میگم دلم رو بردی
تو میگی به من سپردی ؟
من میگم کردم تعجب
تو میگی دیگه بگو خب
من میگم تنهایی سخته
تو میگی این دست بخته
من میگم دل تو رفته
تو میگی هفت روزه هفته
من میگم راه تو دوره
تو میگی چاره عبوره
من میگم می خوام بشم گم
تو میگی حرفای مردم ؟
من میگم نگذری ساده ؟
تو میگی آدم زیاده
من میگم دل به تو بستن ؟
تو میگی اینقده هستن
من میگم تنهام میذاری ؟
تو میگی طاقت نداری ؟
من میگم خدا به همرات
تو میگی چه تلخه حرفات
من میگم اهل بهشتی
تو میگی چه سرنوشتی
من میگم تو بی گناهی
تو میگی چه اشتباهی
من میگم که غرق دردم
تو میگی می خوام بگردم
من میگم چیزی می خواستی ؟
تو میگی تشنمه راستی
من میگم از غم آبه
تو میگی دلم کبابه
من می گم برو کنارش
تو میگی رفت پیش یارش
من میگم با تو چیکار کرد ؟
تو میگی کشت و فرار کرد
من میگم چیزی گذاشته ؟
تو میگی دو خط نوشته
من میگم بختش سیاهه
تو میگی اون بی گناهه
من میگم رفته که حالا
تو می گی مونده خیالا
من میگم می آد یه روزی
تو میگی داری می سوزی
من میگم رنگت چه زرده
تو می پرسی بر میگرده ؟
من میگم بیاد الهی
تو میگی که خیلی ماهی
من میگم ماهت سفر کرد
تو میگی تو رو خبر کرد ؟
من میگم هر کی با ماهش
تو میگی بار گناهش؟
من میگم تو بی وفایی
تو میگی بریم یه جایی
من میگم دلم اسیره
تو میگی نه خیلی دیره
من میگم خدا بزرگه
تو میگی زندگی گرگه
من میگم عاشق پرنده ست
تو میگی معشوق برنده ست
من میگم به روزها شک کن
تو میگی بهم کمک کن
من میگم خدانگهدار
تو میگی تا چی بخواد یار
من میگم که تا قیامت
برو زیبا به سلامت
پشت تو آب نمی ریزم
که نروندت عزیزم

Wednesday, October 06, 2010

I saw him today!

Can you believe it?
Can I believe it?
Can they believe it?
lol

WOW

I left my cellphone either in his friend's car or in the library

FML

Who knows what will happen

I'm trying not to think about it

And by "it" I dont mean my cellphone......

Saturday, October 02, 2010

Talking to myself again....

Because there's no one that'll understand, no one that's willing to listen

I feel sorry for myself

He called about 2 hours ago, which kind of put a smile on my face not because he called but because I was thinking about him a few minutes before he called and I have no idea what this means? A while before he called, I was praying that I'll find some guy soon that will treat me right and everything........

Anyways..... so he called.......... I picked up the phone because I'm NOT a big fan of drama....... I picked up and said I'm in the car w a few people and I'll call u later. He said ok and hung up. I prepared my speech in the car and when I got home, even though I'm speechless and dont want to say anything I have to say something.........

The most beautiful conclusion that I came to was this:

1) I used to like him A LOT a month ago
2) I started really disliking him since a month ago
3) Both feelings are very strong and hope/helplessly leave me in the middle

It wouldve been nice if I could somehow get everything erased and kick him out. But I have a long way to go, and him calling me doesnt help

Oh oh oh......... and guess what? When I called him back he didn't pick up

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

and of course, I sent him a msg and he didnt reply


all I can say is FML

I'm gonna go to sleep........ waiting time begins....... if I talk to him I'll make sure to let him know exactly how I feel! (yea right!)

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