What ifs and but ifs....

If you want to increase your happiness in life it's important that you get rid of these the above mentioned wordsd.... you have to go on with certainty and reality ...if something is bothering you and is a question mark in your head try to solve it if at all possible...if not just try your best to let go of it and never think about it again.... We live in a crazy world, that's a fact! And sometimes it may seem hard to keep up with it.... Example of crazy is when you see perfectly good girls having had met the wrong guys in their lives and not having had allowed themselves to move on.... now the guy is married with a kid and the girl is still stuck thinking about what would have happened if...... specially since the guy is stil somehow in love with her and contacting her (don't worry ... I'm not talking about me... but out of the few people I know 3 of them have been/are in this situation which does not make sense to me at all..... people need to learn to move on, and ignore the past if needed!!!!) Anyways, I was just thinking about something again since I was telling my x-gf about it..... I was telling her that I went to the other side of this country to study and of course see Mr. VJ to put a closure on my crush or whatever you want to call it... now he's part of the past and I was able to move on...... and I recommend it to all people out there..... life is too precious to spend it all on wondering about the what ifs and but ifs....... I've recently put myself in a situation like that I think..... but it's for short term, and that's ok... my "bf" is on the other side of the country, and the only thing I know for a fact is that I care about him... but the distance is not helping..... and he hasn't shown affection to me at all, and we have kind of discussed moving on since we are going to be apart for at least the next 2-3 years..... I feel like I've always been the one who chased him..... for some reason no matter what he does at the end of the day I still like him.... which is not a good thing!!! or is it? When we met, for the first 2-3 weeks I was the happiest person in the world because he showed that he cared.... A LOT.... and he never got mad.....and he expressed himself..... but after that I was the only one..... he's not experienced, and neither am I... so we are both trying........ Moving on.... honestly the only thing that matters these days is me figuring out what I have to do ...... finding a job.... and growing up....... The problem with living w family is the fact that they spoil you....... my parents are spoiling me big time to the point that drives me crazy.... they don't even allow me to freaking get up to get my own glass of water! Am I that important? Are they feeling bad for me and are trying to make me happy? I don't know..... but I feel like I'm a 2 year old child around them and I act like one too!!! Which is not a good feeling...... I need my independency again...... GOD: thank you for always helping me choose the right path...... it's good to look back at your life with not many regrets..... THANK YOU...... please help me find a job, do the right thing, and help me find some certainty in this uncertain life!

ba'zi vaghta ke miaam injaa chizi benevisamo cheshmam beh esmeh blog miofte be khodam migam ke man digeh in esmo ehtiaaj nadaaram.......vali bazi rooza mesleh alaan mibinam baaz ham in tafsireh haaleh maneh.... albateh I don't feel empty.... at least not yet.... :) haven't felt empty in a while....52 weeks..... maybe 365 days :)

Delam gerefteh ast......

52 hafteh pish shabeh jomeh..... 365 roozeh pish roozeh saturday.... man oono didam...... az hameh chi kalaafam..... khaste shodam..... shayad be khatere ine ke oon vaghte maah hast! ma'moolan vaghti delam migireh samte chap, zireh ghalbam dard migireh.... vali in dard hamisheh zood khoob mishod.......alan 10-12 roozeh keh gerefteh... nemidoonam az stresseh ya che margameh! Haalaa ham emrooz pelkam shoroo kardeh be zadan.... in yekio midoonam az stresseh! fe'lan ke khoob shodeh......vali oon dard baaes mishe ke natoonam beram boddoam.... hafte digeh miram doctor..... dige khaste shodam..... omidvaram chize jeddi e nabasheh...... kholaaseh emrooz salgard bood......va darigh az yek text message/zang az tarafeh oon.... man behesh goftam......vali oon javabi nadad....... aslan nemidoonam maa chi hastim..... delam mikhad behesh begam delam barat tang shodeh vali che faydeh? oon ke fe'lan oonjaasto vazeh maa ham ke maloom nist..... hamash yek alaamateh soaaleh bozorgeh! man bayad avval khodam taklifamo ba khodam moshakhas konam......fe'lan bayad kar peida konam..... poole student loanamo pas bedam..... KHODAYA: komakam kon ye kaareh khoob peida konam..... hame ghosse haam baa peida kardaneh kaar az beyn mireh..... ghol midam! dashtam be ye chizeh digeam fekr mikardam...... man ta 3 saaleh digeh baayad ezdevaj konam..... tarjihan taa do saaleh digeh vali max 3 saaleh digeh!!!! I have to find a job now so I can go on maternity leave in 3-4 years..... I also want to go to Europe before I get married/have kids lol... but I want to go there with "the one".....whoever that may be..... :)

Daalaaneh Behesht

اگر از جانب معشوقه نباشد کششی کوشش عاشق بی چاره به جایی نرسد

Don't get scared but....

One thing that's on my mind a lot these days is getting married! I will be 27 soon and I have to find a career, a husband, and have my first kid by the time I'm 31!!!! I know this sounds like too much pressure but I gotta start thinking about these things.... I have to work somewhere for 3-4 years before I can go on a maternity leave... so it's not like I can jump from one job to the other..... but more important than that is perhaps finding a husband first? but that will be challenging since for now I'm a nobody...... aaaah so much to do, so little time :) I'm glad I believe in god... help me choose the right path and make the right decision and find what I should find .... especially job wise :)

Saving Hope

That's my all time favorite TV show! I can't believe how amazing it is..... I feel like the way I feel about HT is exactly how the "lady doctor" feels about her fiance who went into coma..... he likes her as much as she likes him.... I can't say the same thing about HT.... Whenever I'm around him he brightens up my world... but at the same time there are so many things that I'm confused about that I can't let myself feel anything..... I feel and don't feel at the same time...... Honestly, nothing matters to me until I find a job.... for now I am a no body, and no one, especially not a med student wants to go out with a nobody!!!!! I will consider my options when I get a job.....for now I feel like I'm a bum on the street with a Masters degree!!!!

The truth is that....

I'm smarter than a LOT OF people when it comes to handling my finances...... no matter how smart/stupid people are.....they just don't know the meaning of MONEY and don't know how to spend it! So why do they? 1) Would you like another glass of wine? Yea, sure...... x10 2) You don't have a lot of saved money, but would you like to finance a 20 K car? Yea, sure... 3) ....... and the list goes on!