At the beginning it was fine........ it was not supposed to be the big day....... because the big day had already come and gone... and it had turned to be a success... so I had no reason to be worried........or so I thought....
I had prepared my second presentation... or I should say that I had put a draft together..... and I had a story... until my manager said that she wants to do the first half of the presentation.... and because I don't want to argue with people (memories of bad arguments always stay with me and effect me so I rather not say anything) I said ok... and the first part of the presentation was the fun part... I showed her my presentation... and she said it was looking good... just needed a few more slides for my part to which I agreed to....
So I thought I was almost done.... and as I'm writing this my eyes are getting teary... but instead of showing her my final version in the morning I went to her before the end of the day... which was a bad decision..... and she said she doesnt see a story or a flow..... and that she thinks I'm not ready...... and that I should just stick to the presentation that I had done the first time!!!
I took a big breath and tried to explain to her that this was the same presentation I had showed her a few days ago.... and that I can make it work...... to which she finally apologized and said I'm right...... but my pride had already shattered...... who is she to tell me that I'm not ready...... after all that I had done...... I was having nightmares until Sunday night........ and I had worked so hard...... and kept working so hard....... and today I rocked ..... but couldn't shake the feeling that I wasn't good enough because what she had told me on Friday..... even though people were all telling me (including herself) that I did a great job..... I had to ask so many people until I made myself believe that they are not lying and that in fact I did do a great job!
Only one weird thing happened......and that was at the end of the whole event.......someone came to me and started talking to me about something that I had no idea about... they kept going on and on and I kept nodding and agreeing... until they said ok ... well have a good day! LOL I know that I was not at my best... but I kept a poked face... and hopefully they didn't notice anything ..... hahaha
I should add... that I love my manager......despite what she did this time.... she has always been so amazing every other time at every decision that she has made....... so I am so thankful to have her as my manager...... but I just wanted to point out that the past few days specially Friday night were some of the worst feelings that I've had in a long time... and I hope that I learn from it.... I don't know what the lesson was... but I hope I learn from it...
