There's a difference.....

Between getting the job done and getting the job done well.......

You have to first maximize your knowledge so you can do the job in the most efficient way possible.....

Example.

1) I can start as an office assistant, then become an office manager before getting to do what I really want to do which is accounting.... OR I could try harder and get a junior position as an accountant from the beginning....(this was just an example. accounting is not what I want to do)

2) I could start working as a junior accountant in a sub urb of some cold city that I've never been to OR I could try harder to find the same position somewhere where I want to live/work......

Making these choices are hard.....because it's risky.... you never know if it would work at the end or not...... and time is a huge factor.....

Sometimes you need to be patient..... but being to patient may turn out to be pointless.....

You have to take many factors into consideration in order to make the right decision! Good luck :)

Example. I know someone who studied in Saskatoon and Winnipeg for about 12 years before getting a post doc and getting a job as a prof..... this person had to sacrifice family to achieve what she has today.....

Is this a person I look up to and consider successful? Not necessarily......

A realization/"glimpse" of thought....

I was thinking that I am better than what I think I am!

People like me and I should start getting used to it!

99% of the time after a conversation, I leave feeling that the person really liked me.... so why am I doubting myself?

I have so much respect for myself, people have a lot of respect for me..... so why did I ever allow someone who disrespects me get so close to me?

Why did I feel like I deserved to be treated like that? Even if it's true and I deserved it (or so I think), many people are proving me wrong, so why should I not agree with them?

People see in me what I can't see in myself, there must be something there, and I gotta start believing that! Instead of allowing someone to look down on me the way I look down on myself....

Anyways, I'm trying to be a better person..... I am trying to improve....and the last thing I need is having someone negative around me!

God: show me the way......ehde nasseratal mostaghim, seratal lazina an amta alayhem, ghayrel maghzoobe alayhem, va lazzaalin!

G ngt

Something related to #4 in the previous post.....

I'm currently in a happy mood.... but......I was thinking today about HIM and I was trying to decide whether or not I was really and truely in a verbally abusive relationship....The problem is that I have a vague idea of the things that he said and the things that he did and I don't quiet remember how often it was and how better it got after I confronted him (because yes, at one point I did tell him that he's verbally abusing me and he just shut up and didn't say anything... I remember asking for the bus schedule after and he quietly helped me figure it out and then went to sleep...) .... if my relationship stayed that way I'd have left him (I think)..... but he got much much nicer (from what I remember) and even though we had fights they weren't all because of him verbally abusing me....

I only spent about 2 months with him after I told him the problem.... and I remember him getting much much better (again, I think)........ but he still had the crazy quality of randomly saying something super mean to me after every time that we had a good time...... I wish I could talk to a psychologist about his problems...... and perhaps my problem of liking him lol.......

anyways.... I don't want to be in an abusive relationship.......that's all....I think I deserve much better!

Thanks for reading this.....Have a good night :)

What to do when there's too much on the "to do list"?

Aaaaaaah
Where to start?

With every new year, there's also another new beginning for me: my birthday!

Therefore, I have to make new year's resolution in more than one way.....

1) MUST FIND A JOB..... I need to become a more sophisticated person ASAP.... I have not come this far to give up now!
2) Must become a lot less selfish......specially with my family.... I think I have improved a little bit in this area... but I still have a LONG WAY to go.... I have to become a LOT MORE giving!
3) I have to become completely organized!

Anyways...don't want to write too much here.....we'll see how I do... :)

oh..... and most important one:

4) FIND A LONG LASTING RELATIONSHIP!!!

My head!

My thoughts are getting intangled within each other again.... my brain is giving me an error..... perhaps it's because it's almost 2 at midnight...... time to go to bed.......... need to make a new year resolution...

1) TO HAVE A  GOOD LIFE AGAIN......

he's always on my mind :( why?

Saw an old friend after about 3 years....... she's got engaged.......she has made her fiance who has got a PHD in civil eng change his profession to dentistry.......is that crazy or what?

He even had a job!

Why can't ppl be greatful for what they have? ....I think it's kinda sad.....there goes another 6 years of his life......hope he doesn't regret it later!

Confession.....

I can not help the out of control desire to want to hug and kiss him!!!!

All I want for Christmas is him....

Although I should also mention that I had a dream about him in which we met and the first sentence that came out of his mouth was something mean that made me cry and not want to get close to him!!!!

Just saying.....

But I want to hug and kiss him on the neck so bad!!! LOL

Ok...for those of you who know me this may sound weird.....but whatever!

Khodaya shokret....

I have so much to be thankful for...
Thanks for the peace that you have created within me.....

I havn't found a job yet..... but I shall keep trying.....

Thanks for getting me out of the "I have no idea what I want to do with my education" zone.....

Life is so much simpler when you have goals....

I don't need to be like Alice in the Wonderland anymore :)

Khodaya please help me find the right job......

LOVE YOU

از برکه های آینه راهی به من بجو

احساس می کنم

در بدترین دقایق این شام مرگزای

چندین هزار چشمه خورشید

در دلم

می جوشد از یقین،

احساس می کنم

در هر کنار و گوشه این شوره زار یأس

چندین هزار جنگل شاداب

ناگهان

می روید از زمین.

  Anyways..... I was just singing this in my head and I decided to to find it the lyrics and paste it here...   Went to a party last night to meet up with old friends.... but then they all came late and I ended up having to dance with this really tall guy who was good looking but at the same time he was way too immature and talkative...... I should also mention that he was a PHD student.....I started dancing with him just for the fun of it.... but then he started talking and talking... and stopped dancing!!! I was just there to dance..... he added me on FB ... hope that he doesn't think I liked him...... On the other hand, there's this other guy who is kinda really cute... who I got to dance with after I ran away from the talkative guy..... he's not that tall and he wears glasses.... really geeky looking... but at the same time he's really funny, calm, and cool.......   But at the end of the day, I was thinking I don't like the first guy. The second guy is too popular to try anything with (specially since he saw me dancing with the first guy!!! He might've thought I'm interested in him... but I wasn't!!).....so nothing will happen with the second guy. And if you are thinking about WT* happened to HIM (the guy that I have been talking about for the past year or so.... HT) ..... I should say that I'm talking to him much less... even though I did send him and his parents a card for the new year.....   I'm just trying to move on.. and JUST BE for a while......   :) ......   I've been at peace for about 2 weeks now......I'm too relaxed! need to find a job.... they didn't call me back after the interview so I guess I didn't get that job...it was a low job anyways......   Good news is that I now know what I want to do..... I want to be a financial analyst!!! YAY..... wish me luck :)    

All of a sudden, I have a new plan!!!!

Planning to do my CFA! Haven't signed up yet but I will be putting it on my resume from now on because I am very serious about becoming a Financial Analyst!!! :D :D :D

Advisor....

I think being an advisor comes with a lot of responsibilities........ an advice more often than not is based on opinions instead of facts.... it depends on one's experience, knowledge, and even personality.... Therefore, ,at the end of the day, you are the only one responsible for the decisions you make. Listening to someone's advice is your choice. Even when facts exist, they may still give you the wrong advice! So make your decisions wisely.....

~ You are the leader of your own destiny. Be independent and don't blame anyone but yourself if things go wrong!~

Stop pointing fingers at each other!!!

I wish we lived in a more civilied world... as much as our differences make life more interesting and beautiful, it also creates a lot of conflict!

Dec 14th

I remember last year, Dec 14th was one of the worst days of my life..... I felt like I was losing my mind and couldn't remember a thing from the course that I had a final exam on in the next 24 hours..... but that too passed... the day came, I wrote the exam, I eventually calmed down, although I didn't get any sleep the night before.....

I survived, and I passed the coruse, although I thought I did well I didn't do as well as I thought, but I did well enough.....

Anyhow..... last year....in 24 hours I had one of the best nights of my life..... I met his dad.... lol.... and then he came to my place stayed over night....and gave me a ride to the airport the next day....I thought the night had gone well..... but I later on found out that he didn't think the same lol..... anyways....it's a beautiful day outside....... I'm gonna go for a walk.... the sun has come out after god knows how many days! so I must go...... ciao for now

update about him...

I watched the movie identity today....and to be honest w u it worries me a lil bit that he likes movies like this...... I am worried for him....I pray to god that he does well on the exam...... if there is anything in this world that will change him it's that exam!

He's special.... sometimes I think of myself as the wife in beautiful mind... just because he's different doesnt mean he shouldnt be loved....... and thats my final answer for now....

update (not the last one though)

I had my interview today (it went 80% well) ..... i mean i was super happy w the way i answered the qs... no regrets

I will know in a week if I got the job or not and will let u know

I can SO relate to this:

Eshtebaaham in bood: harjaa ranjidam khandidam. Fekr kardand dard nadaarad......mohkamtar zadan.

This is why you need to set boundries....which I can't always do......I'm too patient and forgiving!

I'm so mature! + an update

Update: so I called her, she picked up, this was not an interview, she asked if I could go for an interview on Thursday and I said yes. So I'm hoping the interview will go well even though it's a job that will be like once a week... I just don't know how to convince her that I want this job when I'm actually looking for a full time job that's actually relevant to what I've studied.....but this is an awsome company so .... :)

I'm so mature:

Something just hit me....the first fight we had was on how he didnt know that the second part on my name is actually a part of my last name.... he is insecure about that that's why he got upset.... I just realized this because sometimes the most unhurtful things can sound like a criticism to me bcz I think in my head it is because I'm unsecure about some stuff! lol anyways......

GOD I WANT A REAL JOB....

End of the day...waiting for tomorrow

I should not get my hopes up......she didn't even say that she wants to have a phone interview...she said a conversation......something about an unemployed person looking for a job that offers 8 hours of weekly work doesn't add up and she wants to know why!!! Ok..... stay calm.... we'll see what happens tomorrow.... now I must sleep.... I will call her tomorrow.... and the norm is them not answering... so I am probably going to have to leave a message! Anyways....... I'm a diamond in the sea.....they better want me ;)

Bad news!

They called me at 11 and said they'll only be in their office till 12! And I saw their missed call at 11:50!! So couldnt call them back..... I mean I wanted to find out which position it was that I applied to before I freakin call them!

Anyways..... I will never leave my phone behind from now on :)

Good news!

See, all I write here is not all that bad. I told you I would share good news too......

I got a glimpse of hope!

I will let you know how it goes and what will come out of it, if anything :)

WILL STAY POSITIVE ..... I'm THE BEST.... SO THEY BETTER WANT ME ;) :D

آنچه دلم خواست نه آن شد --- آنچه خدا خواست همان شد .


Thank you god for everything...... I met up with my UBC friends last night and am so glad that I did. They are truely wonderful! I also met up with a career advisor... she was giving me advise for close to 2 hours...   I'm still not talking to HIM..... it's not like I want to be "ghahr" with him..... Messaging him sometimes takes away too much of my energy.... he pisses me off in so many ways.... and I honestly don't have the energy for it at the moment... and the fact that I know we won't be together any time soon in addition to him being mean makes me not to think about "us" too much anymore.....

ps I read about 4 guys attacking a little kid in India and torturing him... I'm scared of what this world has come to.... yes every child is a gift, but if parents can't take care of them and give them the attention and love they need to turn out to be good human beings they shouldn't have kids in the first place. Only if life were that simple..... ~sigh~

How am I doing?

Quick post before I go to bed...

 I went to see the movie SKYFALL today w mis parientes... estaba bien..... a bit too unreal.....I give it 6.7 / 10

I did not talk to HIM at all today.... no text, no e-mails, nothing.....

The truth is that I am so unhappy with my life right now that I don't care if there is anyone else in it with me.... I actually prefer being alone..... so this no talking thing may stay this way for a while

As they always say: you have to be happy with yourself before you are in a relationship.....

Anyways..... that's all I've got for you....... I have an appointment w a career advisor tomorrow..... these meetings are usually useless, I don't even know why I chose to do it! But the fact is that I did so I have to be there at 10 in the morning which means that I have to get up at 6!

Anyways........ O GOD PLEASE HELP ME FIND A JOB........ PLEASE.......I'M GOING CRAZY! :(

Self therapy!

What I write on my blog is what I like to call self therapy.... it does help me to an extent to get my anger, sadness out of my system, and as you have seen, sometimes I even have some good news to share. So it's not always that bad. But I mainly use it to share bad news, and if a happy event happens I throw it in there to prove that it's not always all that bad!

I'm sorry if I haven't shared any good news with you lately. Maybe me going away for a week was good news... I was honestly happy while I was there... and all I can tell you is that it was much better than the first time I went on a trip (which was to LA in Feb 2009).... back then I was numb.... I had no feelings..... but this time I did..... :)

Sometimes, specially these days, I wish I could talk to a psychologist...... writing here helps but the way that I should handle these situations are mostly assumptions.... whenever I think about doing that I usually think of the cost or the fact that it may go into my records which may someday work in my disadvantage.... but what I have been through and am going through is not easy even though it may seem like I'm being ungrateful..... which a lot of times I think is true, but at the same time during these years that I've matured I've realized that every individual is unique and different and what makes people happy/unhappy are completely diff for each person depending on who they are, how and where they have been brough up, where they are now, how things in their lives has changed, and how quickly it has changed, and many other factors..... in many ways I could be a good psychologist, I am a good listener and I usually understand the depth of people's actions ... or I'd like to think so....

To continue with what I had said earlier today about HIM:

He messaged me 3 hours after, not knowing that what he had said had hurt me AS USUAL.... he never gets it.....and this is what makes me mad. AND it's so easy for me to move on because I know that he didn't mean it..... it's just an ugly side of him that constantly comes up..... but he tried to explain himself in his msg/ be sweet/ tell jokes... and even though I was smiling as I was reading them I allowed myself not to reply. I just need a little time to think. Just because it's so easy for me to move on doesn't mean that I should.... (this is where having a psychologist would come in handy)...... he had sensed that I am mad at him so he tried to send a msg about every hour (yes, he's cute like that) saying something funny or some random thing... and at the end he asked if I was not talking to him lol... and I still didn't reply...... but at the end of the night he sent a :-| face and I said that women too sometimes need 24 hours to get over some things, if they ever do! ... and he said "ooo you are being too sensitive again"...........

Whatever..... I don't even know why I am wasting my time with this whole thing..... I guess I needed an excuse to cry...... long distance relationships are complicated.... specially when you try to say you are not in a relationship........ my head is a mess......thinking back at our memories there is an "earthquacke" after every heavenly experience (translation: he said something extremely mean/hurtful after each time that we had fun together) and I honestly don't know how I can help him or if he will ever change and if he doesn't change am I really willing to keep up with this kind of personality? I doubt that he will change, so will I just have these constant feelings of sadness because of the mean things that he says and then forget about them because I know that deep down inside he is sweet? why should I go through this? These are all good questions...... where is my psychologist? lol

Anyways..... since I cried so much this morning my head has been heavy all day so I'm going to go to bed now before midnight!!! :)

ps I met up with "my student" today and she gave me two beautiful crystal candle holders bcz it was officially our last session. She's very sweet! :)

Because I have to!

This is what my niece says when we ask her why she's doing something that she shouldn't be doing! lol

I was away for a week.....went to Alberta w my friend.... kinda liked it there.... or as I sometimes tell myself: anywhere but here! Don't get me wrong...... I love my family...... but maybe I need a big distraction like a completely different environment to get me out of my mood.....

I woke up this morning and cried for maybe an hour after texting "him" because he just doesn't get me and we are so different! He had sent me a pic with his friends and I told him that he's so much more handsome than his friends.... and he got mad saying that wasn't a nice thing to say! lol.... ok ok I agree.... maybe it wasn't ... but I was just trying to give him a compliment :( .... this is childish I know..... but I got so pissed off thinking we will never be right for each other.... I don't know why I like him.... perhaps I should somehow try to let go (and here we go with the tears again as I write this sentence!!!)

I honestly don't know what to do anymore.... It's been 4 months and I haven't even had an interview..... how would you feel if you had a master's degree and didn't find a job? I tell you: it's a sh*tty feeling!

I just don't know what to do or where to start .... I have all these ideas in my head....... one minute I think I should go and live in TO for a few months.... next min I feel like I should call my aunt in Europe and ask her if I can go and live with her for a while lol..... but then I realize if I do that and I get an interview I have to fly back and let's face it: I'm not that rich!

I know non of these ideas are good....I'm just trying to run away from myself... which is perhaps something that one needs to do when they get to this stage..... but the thing is that I don't know if/how happy I will be if I go to Toronto or Montreal! And don't ask me why I don't want to go to Ottawa..... it's so strange.... even though HE lives there and I want to see him I don't want to seem desperate... and he does make me mad all the time, and that's the last thing I need! I just need to go away and just be.... :)

My head hurts because of so much crying and I waited so long to go for my walk that it started raining again!!!! But I have to go for my walk..... I can't stay at home...... I will apply for more jobs tomorrow......

PEACE OUT

PS the whole point of writing this was to say that I HAVE TO stay happy and smile cause I can't afford not to.....I can't affor to drawn in the water... I can't afford to be sad.....I can't afford to be anything but happy.... so here: :) because I have to!