goodbye?

lol..... well there shouldn't be any question mark at the end....... it is actually over..... but being the silly me I need to give it 24 hours before I actually believe it..... ( this is as of last night... I will know for sure in 7 hours! :) ) ...... despite what happened, I am feeling great... why you may wonder...... because I chose to tell the truth...... not that I was hiding it before.... I thought maybe its better to not talk about what happened 4 years ago....... let me remind myself that what he said was complete NONSENSE! he is like "because 4 years ago you did this + this I dont think I can get over it and continue dating you"... um well, you knew this before you decided to kiss and make out with me ... so how come you didnt feel like saying goodbye right then? were u looking for revenge? I don't think so... I think you are just stupid... not that you are stupid... You are just insecure and unsure of what you are looking for! I understand if you think we dont have chemistry and if you think that you cant trust me for whatever STUPID reason... but dont say bullshit that doesnt make sense!!!!

ok? thank you!

pride and ........

warning: teenage talk!

so last night, I got invited over.... and we kissed and stuff...... then I came home...... he told me to message him when I get home, but I didn't.... and he hasn't messaged me yet......

do I blame this on him or myself?

Myself!

Why? Because I have scared him off.......... he may think that Im not interested in him because I wasn't willing to "take it to the next level" with him....... and the expressive person that I am, I have told him this.... and I know in a way it's a turn off, but I'm not gonna just sit there and let things happen just because I don't want to turn him off..... maybe if we were a better match he would have known... maybe I didn't have to say it to him to make him feel awkward..... 

anyways........ I'm not going to message him....... I will wait for him to message me ..... am I excited? meh...... am I indifferent? no not really...... I see this as a "grown up" relationship where it may not be as exciting as I want it to be, but I think the foundation is there...... so am I gonna act like a grown up and message him? no.... I know what the problem is..... he couldnt sleep last night and he is tired today..... so tired that he cant send a message? no... but he just wants to see if I message him...... and since he is tired he doesn't care.... just like me...... so why should I give up? yes....... I am a mind reader!