None of it makes any sense

Where do I start?

Let’s start with the relationships...

How did I choose the people I dated? Let’s just talk about the past 2.5 years. I met P in a party and really liked him because he seemed like a gentleman and a great dancer... but then I started dating him and we had nothing in common to talk about! I also didn’t find him that attractive and the fact that he was still in school and living with his parents made me even more furious

Then there was K... a tall and somewhat handsome russian guy who seemed funny and interesting but I guess he didn’t feel the same about me... or he found me too intimidating.... I hated the fact that he didn’t pay for my meals.... I was very impressed that he was a triathlete but still didn’t like the fact that he was a student

And then there was N. N was generous and kind. He was divorced with a kid. I could see a future with him. He made me laugh and always put me in a good mood. He calmed me down. He also had interesting stories and made me feel wanted... until he disappeared

And that was it... until P... and with P I had 0 complaints... until he told me he has aspergers?!

And now J. I don’t know why I can’t fall in love with J. I feel like his life is not inspiring to me. There is so much that I love about him. But he doesn’t make me excited about life and the future. Maybe I feel this way because I keep telling myself that. I am not inspired by what he eats or doea on a daily basis. I feel like I don’t have the energy to build this relationship. There is so much work that needs to be done.