Still depressed......

Maybe it's because they haven't posted my marks yet :(

Donnow.....

Me sleep

goodinight

Reminder.......

I have to remember my true birthdate... it was last Summer......that's when I was borne..... I've done pretty well considering the short time.... less than 1.5 years old.... may god show me the way:)....if u're confused as to what I'm talking about read my posts for jan,feb 2009

Officially depressed!

Let's blame it on the fact that it's that time of the month + the fact that I'm writing this after midnight!

I was thinking that since I remember, I've been chasing the ball that life has thrown for me like a dog .... with no break.... I mean even if there was a break I was never at peace.....always wanting more.... tired of this run.....want to settle down......want to relax.......want to live......want to laugh.....want to love! Is that too much to ask for? I mean I have all that I want....... I just don't know how to keep it all .... now that I have it all I need to learn to manage it..... but believe me.......it's not an easy job!

~sigh~

sometimes I think to myself "I wish I was married to someone reach" but as soon as I think that I go "yea....and? what next?" ..... then I shut up!

Goodnight!

Scared......

As I look at the textbooks that I need to read for next term, I get more and more scared.....I feel like they are written in some kind of foreign language.... no more math to help me survive.. no idea how I will do ALL that!

Thinking about how hard it will be to really "balance" my life....
Don't know what's gonna happen....what am I doing there? Why am I here?

Birthday approaching.....quarter of a century........should be enough....

~sigh~

Taa koja bayad david?

I'm going to be 1/4 of a century old in a couple of weeks!
It's gonna be a big day..... I mean I think it's an important day....
I'm proud to be a Capricorn :)

khodahafezi nakon

nagoo ghesmat naboodeh
cheghadr zood faramoosh mikoni
cheghadr zood kenar mizari adamaro
hatta adamai ke dooseshoon dari
chera hich talashi nemikoni
shayad bekhaan bemoonan
shayad sarmayeh to oonaro az to door mikoneh
yekam garm baash
yekam mehraboon bash
in hameh ghoroor be che dard mikhoreh
ageh mikhay doost dashte bashi
ageh mikhay dooset dashte bashan
bayad bishtar talash koni
intori nemishe
nemisheh

oon rafteh :( ...... sardie man oono az man door kard..... delam nemikhad mazerat khahi konam......delam nemikhad enghad soal picham koneh.....vali doost daram bemooneh..... delam mikhad bemooneh..... kheyli vaghte in ehsaso nadashtam...... ehsasi gheyraz bitafavot boodan.... bayad ghadreh in ehsaso bedoonam..... chera khodesh nemifahmeh? chera man bayad hatman be zaboon biaram ehsasamo? mikham khodesh befahmeh..... nemikham bereh..... shayad az cheshmesh oftadam....... che zood.....

chetor man dir ashegh misham vali mardom zood ashegh mishano zood faregh?
fargheh man ba baghie in hast
man ashegh nemisham vali ageh besham ashegh mimoonam
baghie rahat ashegh mishan va rahat faramoosh mikonan

kash mitoonestam she'r begam ke hame in ehsasatamo toosh benevisam

درد واره ها

دردهای من
جامه نیستند
تا ز تن در آورم
چامه و چکامه نیستند
تا به رشته ی سخن درآورم
نعره نیستند
تا ز نای جان بر آورم

دردهای من نگفتنی
دردهای من نهفتنی است

دردهای من
گرچه مثل دردهای مردم زمانه نیست
درد مردم زمانه است
مردمی که چین پوستینشان
مردمی که رنگ روی آستینشان
مردمی که نامهایشان
جلد کهنه ی شناسنامه هایشان
درد می کند

من ولی تمام استخوان بودنم
لحظه های ساده ی سرودنم
درد می کند

انحنای روح من
شانه های خسته ی غرور من
تکیه گاه بی پناهی دلم شکسته است
کتف گریه های بی بهانه ام
بازوان حس شاعرانه ام
زخم خورده است

دردهای پوستی کجا؟
درد دوستی کجا؟

این سماجت عجیب
پافشاری شگفت دردهاست
دردهای آشنا
دردهای بومی غریب
دردهای خانگی
دردهای کهنه ی لجوج

اولین قلم
حرف حرف درد را
در دلم نوشته است
دست سرنوشت
خون درد را
با گلم سرشته است
پس چگونه سرنوشت ناگزیر خویش را رها کنم؟
درد
رنگ و بوی غنچه ی دل است
پس چگونه من
رنگ و بوی غنچه را ز برگهای تو به توی آن جدا کنم؟

دفتر مرا
دست درد می زند ورق
شعر تازه ی مرا
درد گفته است
درد هم شنفته است
پس در این میانه من
از چه حرف می زنم؟

درد، حرف نیست
درد، نام دیگر من است
من چگونه خویش را صدا کنم؟

Cute........

As I was reading my blog, I realized that it was last year at around this time that I fell in love.....which might have been the last time.....who knows.....

It's cute..... and sad...... I'm going to turn 25 soon..... not sure what will happen

Garche aabeh rafteh baaz aayad be rood, maahieh bichaareh ammaa mordeh bood....

I think I was too cold towards this guy that I like that he's finally decided to leave ..... I mean I think he has.......I will be sure in 1-2 days and will let u know....... whatever......ghesmat naboodeh..... but I did really like him..... just wan't sure how to show him in the middle of my exams!!!

I'm thankful for what I have..... I'm back in my city for a couple of weeks staying with my parents......it's been nice so far......life is good....... shouldnt be complaining....... I only sometimes worry about myself ......worry about finding love..... debate wether or not I should even look for it! The butterfly in my stomach is dead..... I want to help it come alive......but I guess I'm not doing a very good job...... I will try harder .... this is my new years resolution! To make my butterfly come alive again......it will take a miracle for it to happen....but I believe that even miracles do happen.......

Good night.....

One more thinggggggggg

I was looking at someone's pix on fb and I think she looks so much like mona lisa

do u think she'd get offended if I told her that? I personally think mona lisa's ugly!

One more thing!!!

See I told you I'm crazy

I highly dislike the fact that i get so stressed out the night before the exam that i can neither study nor go to sleep! Like wtf!!!! grrrrrrrrrr....... but I'm gonna try

GOODNIGHT

One last thing before I go to bed.......

Sometimes I feel like I'm really crazy..... what if I am? Is there something wrong with being crazy?

You know the new guy.....whom I like very much..... ok....... so I'd told him to not msg me caz I have exams and I get distracted by him (which is so true! like if I talk to him I won't be able to concentrate on my studies after)..... now that he hasn't msged me I feel so bad :( ..... I keep looking at my cellphone to see if he's msged me but nothing! nada!!! but the other thing is that when I see his msg I do get really happy and excited but at the same time sometimes I don't want to answer him...... why is that? am I crazy? or is this normal? I'm confused!

taazeh yeh chizeh digeh am mikham begam

hishki mano doos nadaarehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh :(

:( Khasteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Ah chera in finala tamoom nemishan?

I know I don't like to whyne in general ( I can't even spell the word!) .... but I had to say something....... I feel like I wanna cry......... I feel like I don't wanna stay up all night studying.......... but I donnow........ I guess I can say I'm stressed out!!!! sh*ttttttttttttttttt What am I doing here anyways? here in this city......and here on this earth!! in general.......why am I here????????? :( :( :((((((((((

I need someone to tell my neighbor's dog to shut up!

+ It was weird being shy! hmmmmm......

These are the only two things I wanted to say.........

Two more days until the finals are over.......

I love god
I love how life is a two way street.......
I love how life's about asking and recieving....
I love how when you want something you get the chance/opportunity to experience it....



I almost feel like I should pull an all nighter .... but don't want to... hee hee :D

Good night!

Wish me luck.....

I have officially failed but......

Won't give up..... I'll get up and try again.......

Let the past remain part of the past.........

Live forward and look forward..... you don't owe anyone an explanation!

Is it all worth it at the end?

Tired of this sh*t
Exam time sucks!

when the whole world seems to be falling apart......

go to bed and hope for a better tomorrow!

That's exactly what I'm gonna do right now.....

Good night!

(I miss him :( )

I don't like getting lectured by my dad!

Or anyone for that fact!

Grrrr

I don like anyone telling me what I should and should not do
1) I hate feeling stupid
2) I hate upsetting other people! :(

crazy life!

Is it me that's going crazy or is it the people around me that are acting crazy??


Ok....... long story short............my cellphone stopped working yesterday..... saying no network etc.......it was still not working today..........then i went to the washroom w it and it was dropped in the toilet (while not working!) ...... and then it kept doing crazy things.........and um.....well it had water in it so i'm still waiting for it to dry!!!..........but went to fido anyways to see why it keeps saying no network........and it turns out that they had given my number to someone else accidentally! and after i got my nnumber back that person calls me and he's like you stole my number...... i'm gonna call my cellphone provider to see what the heck is going on........ anyways......hopefully nothing will happen

but thats not the reason why i said crazy life!

ok u know how i used to be before......no friends and all etc

now people that I know want to call / hang out / msg all the time........and im not used to that sh*t .........i need to study for my finals....... and they like dont get it......and they get upset about the fact that I dont return their calls etc..........or they get worried.....like wtf.......i'm active on fb so obviously im not dead! she give my phone number to her friend who is a guy to call me and see where I am caz she's worried......again........wtf!!! i mean i appreciate the attention and care and all of that but why wouldnt she call me with her own number......again........wtf!!! not that i care about the fact that now a new guy has my number.......but it just doesnt make sense!

and btw i just msged the new guy and told him i dont wanna talk to him until after the exams.......will wait and see what he says ........ sh*t ......... i have a bad feeling........but gotta go to bed........