Wow.....it's raining again.....

Bogzaar baaraan bebaarad, bar ghalbam, bar rooham, bar jaanam, shaayad kami roshan tar shavad..... taarikieh vojoodam...........

Focus

In order to accomplish new things in life we sometimes have to change our focus. For example, in my case, instead of wanting for the impossible to happen I should learn to be patient, let the time pass, and hope that it will take care of some of the things that are just out of my power and control.

In the past week, I learned that I can't just write a story in my head and wait for it to happen! That's not how things work in this life. Yes, things like that only happen in fairy tales and now I know that.

It just bothers me to know that someone, whom I care so much about, ignore me like that. I'm probably nothing more than a stranger to him. He says, "of course, I would like for us to continue chatting and maybe even meet again......". But why wouldn't he? I'm sure all guys enjoy life more when the number of their admirers increase.

I told him that he is like Elvis. But now that I think about it, he is more like Tom Cruise. Someone who is loved by everyone around him and has the kind of personality that is impossible not to like (love).

I have made up my mind. I have told him that I like him in so many ways that is just embarresing. Now it's time to finally stop. As I had MYSELF written in one of my posts before the only way that a relationship/friendship can work is if both the people want the same things and move together (yek ghadam to yek ghadam man). And that is the only way. I don't know how to describe it. It's like getting so excited to start running with someone else, in a competition, and see who gets to the end first...just for the fun of it!! So you start running as fassst as you can and when u reach the end, and start clapping your hands, you turn back, only to see that the other person has his back to the starting zone, talking to a beautiful girl! So there was never a game at allll, you were just assuming that you were in a game together with someone else. So how can you finish something that was never even started? (wow, that was a nice example! ;) ).

So what are the chances of Tom Cruise going out with me? hmmm...let me think...

...........

.........

.....

..

.

0%!!!!

oh ok......

He's a charming man, and he has, I'm sure, 1000 admirers that he wouldn't even notice if one of them leaves (and to tell the truth, I can not compete against 999 other girls).

Anywayzzzz, cheghadd harf mizanammmmm...khodam sar dard gereftam :D

I'm going camping, and in thsse three days, I want to think about school, no I don' twant to think about forgetting him. I'm going to think about school. I'm going to think about getting a better job. I'm hoping that he will be erased from my memories by the time I come back! And about #4, I have absolutely no commentssss about him!!!

(28/07/2006)

(2:46:12 AM): pas biya mesle ye dokhtare khoob farda berim becharkhim
(2:46:17 AM): che eshkal dare

(2:47:00 AM): sobhane nahar sham ham

(2:48:19 AM): asrunam rush

(2:48:26 AM): khube

(2:48:44 AM): i wish i could

(2:49:14 AM): in jomleharo bara in pesar vancouveriya benevis

(2:49:34 AM): /:) manzoor

(2:50:11 AM): ye lebas az jomhooriye moz ham barat mikharam

(2:50:36 AM): B-)

(2:51:14 AM): i would have accepted it if it was a month ago..... i have changed now

.........

...

.

(2:58:28 AM): midooni u bayad ba in mexicia beri biroon..... ham akhlagheshoon khoobeh ham nice and ham good lookingan

(2:58:50 AM): aslan ba harfet haal nakardamo

(2:59:04 AM): be khatere ehterami ke barat ghaelam

(2:59:12 AM): harfeto bi javab mizaram

(2:59:37 AM): ok sorry..... i dont know what else to say

----------------------------

(29/07/2006)

(29/07/2006 12:19:51 AM): mikhay farda biyam downtown?
(29/07/2006 12:20:03 AM): why
(29/07/2006 12:20:12 AM): hamo bebinim
(29/07/2006 12:20:25 AM): farda kar mikonam
(29/07/2006 12:20:32 AM): midoonam
(29/07/2006 12:20:41 AM): bara hamin goftam downtown
(29/07/2006 12:20:49 AM): vaghte esterahatet
(29/07/2006 12:21:02 AM): nemidoonam breakam keyeh
(29/07/2006 12:21:54 AM): bade karet chi?
(29/07/2006 12:22:16 AM): i'll be too tired... i have a long shift tomorrow
(29/07/2006 12:22:28 AM): ok nemiyam
(29/07/2006 12:22:35 AM): thanks
(29/07/2006 12:23:13 AM): nemikhay mano bebini?

(29/07/2006 12:23:36 AM): no
(29/07/2006 12:24:41 AM): goftam ke there's someone that i like ....bara hamin nemitoonam
(29/07/2006 12:25:58 AM): no respond?
(29/07/2006 12:26:44 AM): chi begam ,khodet hamechi ro migi dige
(29/07/2006 12:27:15 AM): khob be nazaret harfam gheyre manteghie?
(29/07/2006 12:27:43 AM): i dont know
(29/07/2006 12:28:04 AM): chio nemidooni
(29/07/2006 12:28:59 AM): age oon nabud chi?
(29/07/2006 12:30:02 AM): i dont know...
(29/07/2006 12:31:25 AM):
(29/07/2006 12:31:30 AM): ?
(29/07/2006 12:31:42 AM): i dont know
(29/07/2006 12:31:55 AM): u dont know?
(29/07/2006 12:32:01 AM): yeh
(29/07/2006 12:32:07 AM): okkk
(29/07/2006 12:33:17 AM): rasti ma darim mirim camping.....so i'll be gone until wednesday
(29/07/2006 12:33:35 AM): koja?
(29/07/2006 12:34:03 AM): i dont know... do se saat ba inja fasele dare
(29/07/2006 12:34:16 AM): khosh begzare
(29/07/2006 12:34:44 AM): i hope so
(29/07/2006 12:35:05 AM):
(29/07/2006 12:35:51 AM): u am khabet miad?
(29/07/2006 12:36:02 AM): na
(29/07/2006 12:36:11 AM): az dastetto khaste shodam
(29/07/2006 12:36:34 AM): key natijeye rabetat ba in pesare malum ishe?
(29/07/2006 12:37:29 AM): vaghti oon aghlesh sare jash biad.... ba'desham i'm not looking for a bf
(29/07/2006 12:37:53 AM): you are looking for shohar?
(29/07/2006 12:38:08 AM): no
(29/07/2006 12:38:14 AM): pas chi?
(29/07/2006 12:38:24 AM): donbaleh chizeh khassi nistam
(29/07/2006 12:38:27 AM): un pesare ghare chiye to beshe?
(29/07/2006 12:38:39 AM): doostam
(29/07/2006 12:38:53 AM): khoba manam mikham doostet besham
(29/07/2006 12:39:14 AM): mikhastam
(29/07/2006 12:39:49 AM): ok
oulehlov arash (29/07/2006 12:40:08 AM): bye
(29/07/2006 12:40:22 AM): dont be angry at me
oulehlov arash (29/07/2006 12:40:43 AM): i'm mad

....................................................................

It scares me to know that I'm so cruel and cold hearted. There are somethings that I'm 100 percent sure about, and when I am, no matter what the other person says, does, there is absolutely NO WAY that I will change my mind. And unfortunately, this is one of them. It's not the first time it happens. I have no control over it. My heart sometimes doesn't FEEL anything, and my conscious for some reasonn doesn't stop me from being so cruel. I don't know what to say. I just don't. And please don't ask for any logic. I'm as confused as u are!!

To ze diaareh man aamadi, sokooteh jaanam be ham zadi, shisheyeh gham be talangori zadi shekast

raftamo tanhaat mizaram ba ye donyaa geleh
vaase das keshidan az eshghet chaare shod faaseleh
roozi ke cheshmaato didam cheshm az hameh boridam
amma darigh az eshghe to

dige tamoomeh
shaadi haroomeh
beh ghalbeh khastam
zadi neshooneh
joonam

dige nemikhaam
deleh divooneh
az khaateraatam

chizi bemooneh

ey vaay az oon hameh ehsaas
shod par pareh negaahe to
heyf az deli ke baa joonam
miraft be raaheh to

hala ke daste deleh sanget
door shod vaase deleh khastam
mikhaam bedooni ke cheshmaamo
rooyeh to bastam

raftio ghalbeh to tanhaast
beyne in hameh siaahi
hala bebin bedooneh man
che sakhte bi panaahi

roozi ke delkandi az man
gofti asooneh raftan
amma darigh az

eshgheh man

dige nadaram eshghet be sineh
too ghalbeh zakhmim neshaste kineh
ey vaay

dige nemikhaam bemooneh yaadam

eshgheh siaahet daadeh beh baadam

vaay az in hameh ehsaas
shod parpare negaaheh to
heyf az deli ke baa joonam
miraft be raaheh to
hala ke daste deleh sanget
door shod vase deleh khastam
mikhaam bedooni ke cheshmaamo
rooye to bastam

Let's TRY something new.......

well not just try....but actually do something new......

I'm going camping soon..... so ......3 days without an internet.........

but Let's start from tonight to show myself that I'm strong enough.......

Ah...the only thing ..... should i tell him or not???

ok...... I made up my mind......no i won't tell him......

I don't care about what he would think about me......

vali..... he was the reason why I'd decided to become a better person....... :( ......

u know what..... I can't do this... I can't promise myself anything...... eventhough this would make me be confused at all time in the next I donnow how many days I don't want to stop talking to him........

ok.......never mind.......

Done!

It's been exactly a month since my first date and I think that I'm done with wanting to experience something new!

#1 I would like to thank him for telling me that I'm worth more thank I think. Eventhough I did not like him in "that way" I'm very glad that I went out with him. I hope he finds it in his heart to forgive me if he had any feelings for me.

#2 At first I thought that I like him, but as we talked more and more I realized that he is someone who is very pesimistic and afraid of starting friendships with people. I think at this age he is tired of fooling around (not that he's old, he's only 23..but i guess he's had many experiences...) and maybe he's looking for "the one" too. Eventhogh I feel like now he doesn't mind hanging out with me, my "desperation" is gone and I don't think I can do it...... even if he tells me he likes me......it's so weird.....there's a stronggggggg , very very strong force that controls my feelings and ideas.......... it tells me when to start and when to stop....... or even if anything should start...... i have nooooo idea where it comes from ..... but......it's just kind of scrazy because there's no way I can fight it........

some people enter my heart and get kicked out......the others remain behind the door, knocking, trying to get in, after a while they give up and leave!

That would be #3, I'm glad I went out with him, just for the sake of continuing my "exploration" into the new world that I'd never been in before. For some weird reason, I did not like him from the verrrry begining, I have no idea why!! absolutely no idea. Maybe it's because, at the begining, he'd sent me an email saying that "I'm a shy guy and I would like to get to know u more" ....I donnow what it is about SHY people that makes me hate... well not hate but dislike them.......not even dislike......just NOT like them.....there we go :D .......anywayz..... eventhough he was very good at chatting, and had good manners in real life, was easy to talk to, that strong force kept him out of my heart. When we went out, while we were walking he asked me " are u happy that I gave u the PLEASURE of meeting me?", and that was just it!!! I have sooo much respect for myself that I can't allow someone like him to say things like that to me... eventhough he was joking .....I donnow what it is about him that makes him so very very verrrrrrry difficult to like....... I swear to god, he is such a nice person and he's very easy to talk to... there is no reason why I should not like him even 1 little bit.. but yet I feel like I don't like him AT ALL ........ this is going to remain as a mystery forever.......

he'd told me that he likes me A LOT, and he wants to see me again. At the same time he'd told me that I'm not good looking, but he loves my personality. And I do believe him. We'd stopped chatting, and a few days ago he came onine and asked me out again, I told him I like someone else....... he came online again saying that he just wants to be friends with him and nothing more. But I'm more than 100% sure that he really likes me a lot...this had been my plan...to tell #4 that I just want him as a friend.... LOL....... it's so funny because I feel like what #3 is feeling for me is exactly like the feeling that I have towards #4 ......and if #4 doesnt like me as I don't like #3 there is no point of us chatting... anywayz........ I've decided not to talk to #3 again, because I'm out of my "desperation" zone and dont even feel like having friends ..at all!

#4 is a dream....... he's exactly what I need in my life right now....... we went out once and I feel like I've changed so much since I met him, I have so much more respect for myself, and I've stopped looking at guys the way I did before* ...... now there have been only 3 guys since last week that I've looked at and thought "hmm, he's pretty good looking (L)" .... is 3 still a lot? well compared to what it was before (= most guys and even MEN in the street) I think I've improvedddd for sure! but even 3 is a lot :( ... one of my "co- workers" last week told me that there's no reason to start a relationship with someone who u think is less than perfect....because there WILL come a day when u will leave him for someone who's better than him... and eventhough I already knew that .. when she said it I ... BELIEVED it....... and I got scared...

anywayz.....being able to spend 4 hours with #4 without ever feeling awkward or bored ...was absolutely an accomplishment.... I wonder if everyone around him thinks he's as great as I think he is..... I wonder if all girls like him the way I like him.... does everyone think he's so great? does everyone want to become a better person after they meet him? I sure do! I've started reading newspapers, doing some excercises, making myself look better, etc.

I've told him that I like him, and i guess that's what he hears from many many people everyday. I wonder how many people fall in love with him everyday...and i guess he has no choice but to tell them that he can't fall in love with them after the first date..lol ....... his personality... he has the BEST personality.... I've met many people in my life but no one who is so great.... anywayz... as much as I want to go out with him again ( god only knows how muchh I want/wanted to) I'm just not going to..... he's alwayz saying that I can't come etc. .. no he doesnt say i cant come.... he does something worse....... ok ... I'll give u a full explanation of what he's done so far.......

1) after we met .......he sent me an email on that night saying "if u had a cellphone I'd call u right now, wake u from sleep and kiss u goodnight" ....... ok yes.......that's what he said...... and me........ I was like omg......maybe he really does like me.......and that's why I allowed myself to like him......

2) that's how I went crazy and sent him an e-mail telling him that I like him etc. and he said that it takes a lot more than a few dates for him to fall in love etc. .... now that i think about it I understand....... guys want girls to like them..... i mean why wouldn't they....... so they sometimes send "false signals" .......ok whatever

3) I sent him an e-mail saying that I'd like to hang out with him next week.... so I come home at night check my emails.. no replies...... go online... he is there.....me: "why didn't u reply"........ him:"reply to what? have u sent me an email".......me: "yes... don't u check ur email" ... thinking... ajab aadameh bi khiaali!!! .....him:" gimme a second .. i'm gonna check them now....!!!!"
...whatever!... then he's like "for sure we can go if u want......" ........i get happy......then he says "actually I'm probably gonna have 3 morning shifts and the other two days I can't come...bluh bluh bluh....." ..so I was happy when he'd said ok at first but then I was mad!!! ....... ( the reason why i had sent him an email asking him out shows how selfish i am!! i no that he might not even like me....... but i can learn soooooo much from him that i'm even willing to pay him to come out with me!! like seriously......)

right now I'm like whatever... i don even wanna talk to him again..... I did really reallyyyyyy want to see him again.. but he takes away so much of my energy by "zeddeh haaling" that I think the bad that will come out of this is a lot more than the + .........

ok that's it.....i'm done with my exploration of (L) / guys....... now i'm ready to (am I?) ...... go back to my lonely world and think about the sad past and the not so bright future........

* I used to look at guys, even the short ugly ones, and try to imagine a future with them, I'd think "if he likes me we can make it work" ....... but ever since I experienced my feeling of "dislike/ not like" towards #3 who is pretty good looking with good manners, I donnow what to think anymore!!!!

dar shahre she'r haayam
mijooyamat dobare
dar ojeh teshnegi ha
minooshamat dobaare
az eshghe to che sodaam
dar eshgh, na too royaam
barkesh neghaabo bengar
in ghalbeh paare paareh
harfi agar maandast
begoo ke vaght tangast
bin in chenin nafas haa
oftaadeh be shomaareh
haaleh maneh ghamin ra
shab taa sahar nadaani
gheyreh to ham nadaanand
ellaa maaho setaareh
omrist dar talab man
dar entezaar maandam
az man be sar davidan
az to be yek eshaare!

hameh omr bar nadaaram sar az in khomaareh masti, ke hanooz man nabudam ke to dar delam neshasti....

توي باغا گل سرخي توي آسمون ستاره
جايي رو سراغ ندارم كه نشون از تو نداره
تاريخ تولد تو توي دفتر حسابم
شب كه چشمام و مي بندم باز نمي ذاري بخوابم
عكس تو جور عجيبي توي چشمام مي درخشه
ديوونم خدا مي دونه كاش خودش من رو ببخشه
توي تابستون نسيمي آفتابي توي زمستون
تو هموني كه گرونه نمي ياد به دستم آسون
وقتي من تو آسمونم تو توي راه زمينيم

شكل اينه چون عزيزي هر جا باشي نازنيني

سفر دور و درازت بي خطر باشه الهي
بي خبر من و گذاشتي ولي نه تو بيگناهي
قيمت نگاه نازت خيليه مث صداقت
مث خوب بودن تو سختي واسه اثبات رفاقت
توي خرداد گل ياسي توي آبان گل مريم
چه شكنجه ي قشنگي مي كشي من و تو كم كم
چه تفاهمي تو عاقل دل من مات و ديوونه
درمونم دست چشاته اينم آخرين بهونه
دل تو يه وقتا سنگه يه روزم ممثل بلوري
شبا گاهي قرص ماهي يه روزم يه تيكه نوري
حوصله كه داشته باشي دو سه جكله مي گي گاهي
اما ميلت كه نباشه نمي دي حتي نگاهي
چون غروب خيلي قشنگه تو خود غروبي
چي بگم قحطي واژه ست هر چي هست خيلي خوبي
عكس نازت رو گذاشتم گوشه ي سفيد دفتر
تا ديگه هيچكي نبينه يكي كمتر باشه بهتره
مث ‌آسمون عجيبي شبي آبي شبي قرمز
ولي هر رنگي كه باشي من و دوست نداري هرگز
يه روزي مي شي يه دريا فرداش اما مثل كوهي
هر چي كه دلت مي خواد باش هر جا باشي با شكوهي
پره از اسم قشنتگت صفحه صفحه ي كتابم
به همون تعداد اسما تو ولي دادي عذابم
لااقل خوب شد كه لطفي كردي و واسم نوشتي
معني حرف تو اين بود كه مطيع سرنوشتي
دلم و دادم به دست تو براي يادگاري
قابلي نداره بردار مي دونم دوسم نداري
وقتي كه بارون مي گيره چشام از عشق تو خيسه
دل برات به قول سهراب زير بارون مي نويسه
تنها آرزوم همينه تا يادم نرفته راستي
كاش يه روز بهم بگي كه من همونم كه مي خواستي

F**K Everyone!

Like seriously......

people are soooooo weird...... i just can NOT understand them..... i just basically can't.....

some are just sick....they enjoy seeing others in pain.... they LIKE to tell others something that would hurt their feelings....

I hope i'm not like that....... :(

And the worst thing is this >>> the more they hurt u the more u want to do something that would make them accept u and in my opinion this is just f**ked up..... seriously...... it's so disgustingggg .....

ew..... i really do feel like throwing up....ewwwwww

i personally am like that! which is scary... for some reason I alwayz feel like these "not so nice" people have a nice side to them that will come out if I try to be nice to them..... so i try..and try....and try....and tryyyyyyy...and in the end....... i realize who they are is actually who they really are! what's the point of trying to dig out something that might not even be there?

KHODAYA ......mano be raahe raast hedaayat kon..... tanhaa to raa miparastam va THANHAA a zto yaari mikhaaham (L)

I can't understand.......

yek bare digar eshgh ra baa khoon neveshtam
ta'bire labkhande to ra golgoon neveshtam
ta daste eshgh az peykare ashegh joda shod
ba daste leila gheseye majnoon neveshtam
in kooche ha bi to hamishe bi ghararan
hesse gharibi beyne paayizo baharan
rafti vali fekri be haleh kooche ha kon
booye to darando tora amma nadaran

bidaramo mibinamat roya be roya
az pishe chshmam miravi donya be donya
ba to mianeh aabo atash ashti bood
dar atashaast az raftanat darya be darya

This is SOOOOOO awkward......

lool... mordam az khandeh....

fekr konnn...az sob maaro too khomaari gozashte o javab nadaadeh bad online tashrif miaran migan " pas chera emailio ke gofte boodi nafrestaadi"

I was like :- whattttttt?

kholase gof ke email naresideh! ( yea right!!!!) so i sent it to him again and after 20 mins he says that he didn't get it this time either!!!

so i go ahead and create a new email address just so i can send this stupid email to him so he can read it ... i have no patience! he's such a big liar..... i think he already got it in the morning........he's got all my emails before..so why not this time? anyhow, i dont trust this guy at all....

i spent the whole stupid day thinking of why he hasn't replied, + thinking that he probably didn't like what i'd written in the letter ... that's why there was no reply.... i already spent a few hours trying to get over him!! ( i told ya that i'm NOT in love or anything) .......

but now that he's online..reading my email while I'm right here is just weirdddddd.....

i have no feelings for him anymore.....so .......donnow what i should do.......

i'm trying to come up with an evil plan ( like leave right now or something)

damn it.......he came back.......now he's asking me questions!

in the end he's like "i'm not like any other guy, so .. i can't say that I like u 2 in return"

i said "that's totally fine..." ..... i knew he'd say that.... that's what a normal person would have said and he is normal for surrrrrre....

anywayz... i'm just gonna think of him as a friend.......seriously... i don have time for this....

i'm gonna go to bed now....... BYEEEEEE

Taa haalaa shodeh kesi haaletoono begire?

Mannn ke mashalla dar hafte gozashte 4-5 nafar haalamo gereftan...... albate be ehtemaaleh ziaad khodamam haaleh chan nafaro gereftam.. :D

Daaram jadidan fekr mikonam yani mishe kesi vojood dashte bashe ke haal giri nakoneh?

Are u thinking what I'm thinking?

What was that? Did u say No????! Shame on u......don't u know me enough to read my mind?

Oh now u are having second thoughts eh?

Hehe, don't even try to think what's on my head, I myself can't figure out where the *** these thoughts come from and I'm constantly getting surprised by them!

So let me tell u about what happened yesterday. I woke up at 7 in the morning and wrote my last "post". After that, I got up, had some breakfast, watched some tv, got ready and went shopping at 11. The first "change" that I noticed about myself = I was not looking around to see guys (persian guys) anymore, and even when I did see them I just looked away. This is a change, because in the past (not so long ago) I was alwayz looking at people and thinking what their personalities are like etc. In addition to that, the second "change" that drove me crazy for the rest of the day = me going into different stores thinking what I should wear the next time I see ***. I tell u why this is crazy >>> I already have LOTZ of clothes in my closet, but unfortunately all of them are kind of formal looking. Ever since I started working @ BR, I'd go shopping for clothes that would be "appropriate" to wear at work and now that I've met this guy I was thinking about something that would be "appropriate" to wear when we go out. Now, this is the sad part > I imagined myself in 1000 different clothings, but in the end nothing seemed to be good enough. In the end I was feeling like I'm a widow, trying to impress a highschool boy. Like seriously, that's exactly how I was feeling and .....it just wasn't a good feeling. I felt like I'm a complete fool for thinking that this is ever gonna work!

Anywayz, I baught two pair of pants and a few shirts from my favorite store, and after that I thought maybe I should buy something for him too. So I Did. And after I baught it I couldn't stop myself from laughing. ( I was like: "ok so what's next? a marriage proposal?") But then I was thinking that it's ok. U know? why not do what I feel like doing? I'm just experiencing something new and I should not limit myself to thinking, or feeling a certain way. I'm brave enough to let myself make mistakes, even if they are big mistakes, and learn from them. I won't do it next time in the future if this is not how "things work" in this world.

So yea, that's what happened, and I came home at 3:30, got ready and left at 4:15. I'd tried to dress as "proper" as possible because, in my story, he would have come to see me at work. But, of course, that was wishful thinking. I got off work and came home, checked my emails and logged on msn (he wasn't even online!!) .... so I was like, ok whatever...... then he came online at around 12:15 I think.....and told me to write him an essay about what I think about him and send it to him in less than an hour!!!...... as I was reading what I'd already wrote for him the morning before I fell sleep, woke up at 3:45 .......realized that I had not done what I'd told him I would do .... thought maybe I should not do it.....but on the other hand why shouldn't I ...... I don't mind if people figure out what goes on through my head... I have nothing to be ashamed of..... so I went back to sleep at 4:15 .......got up again at 6.... as I was thinking again about what I should write I fell sleep again!!! woke up at 8 anddd I've been writing this ever since (it's 9:30 now) ... manam bi kaaramaaa.... :D

we are supposed to go have breakfast at my sister's house sometime soon so I'd better go get ready... my next plan is to read the 2 persian novels I got from the library and stoppp thinking 'bout this guy ....... :) ...... I look forward to doing these books because my mom has read them and thinks they're both good.......

and......ummmmmm....that's it for today...... I'll write more here tomorrow.......ciao for now

My dear # 3

He is the first thing I think about when I open my eyes in the morning and the last thing that's on my mind when I'm going to sleep @ nigh!

But le'mmee tell ya......this ain't no love!!!

He is the only thing I think about during the day....... and everytime I think about him my heart starts beating .....in an unusual way...........that drives me crazy!!!!

But I'm sure this is not love!!!

When I'm walking down the street sometimes I get lost in my thoughts and start smiling......oh poor people probably think that I'm crazy..........

But guess what? don't tell me u donnow....

I'm sorry what was that ? ...what? u think I'm in love?

After telling u that I'm not u're still saying that...

Well, I can understand why..... but I have proof.......I mean not a "proof" because it's not something that can be touched .......it's just a feeling......and I tell u what it issss..... it's nerrrrvousness..... I can even swear to god if u dont believe me.....

Ok......u're probably wondering what makes me nervous? (aaay ghalbam...vaase man asaab nazaaashte haa!!!) ........ allright........here's the reason why.....first of alllll, I wouldn't be joking if I said he's the mossssst handsome, charming guy that I have everrrrr met in my life, he seriosuly does look like a model!!!! Second of all, he has the nicessst voice anyone could everrr have.... it's very very verrrrrrry deep.....Third of all, he has the most AMAZING personality everrrr.... when I talk to him I feel like I'm talking with an old friend...it's so funny......and at last, but not least, putting these things I said aside, he's about a year younger than me...I meannnn that's just hilarious....... I alwayz ALWAYZ thought that I would someday start dating someone who is at least 6-7 years older than myself (did I go on a "Date" with this guy the other dayyy? I donnow, but we certainly went out......) .....

don't tell me you still donnow the reason why I'm nervous!! ......omg......are u stup**.... I mean....:D ...it's ok...... I'll give u a conclusion...that might help! ok he is young, so freaking handsome, and has great voice... has probably dated 1000 different girls before.... so i'm pretty sure he can choose whomever he wants ..... 2nd conclusion: he needs to be "entertained" or see something "impressive" to stay with someone, right?....... now u understand why right??????still, noooooo? ok.....do I look like someone who can do those thingsssss? excuse me? no plzzzzzz think twice before u answer.... I kind of run out of words everytime I start talking to people.....I have nothing interesting to tell them.......which goes back to the fact that I personally AM NOT a very interesting person!!! And to be honest with u, I can't imagine a future with him at alll... I mean just picture this "me and him walking down the street and all the girls running after him behind me.... lol......" ......

Now, the dillema is this: ....... eventhough i don't see any future I can't help myself but to WANT TO spend more time with him...I mean why not? I've got nothin better to do ........and he's absolutely amazzzzzzzing.... so why not? As long as I don't get used to him and not fall in love with him it's ok.......

By the wayyyy, I spent the whole day yesterday THINKING of calling him....like seriously I'm not joking.. I woke up at 9 in the morning and thought about calling him until I go to work at 5 thirty..... I just couldnt do it!! my heart was having a weird rhythem and everytime I went close to the phone my whole body wanted to go crazy.... but as soon as I went to work I just KNEW that I can not NOT call him last night.... so this time I was so determined that I'd do this and won't care about the consequences.....so I DID call, and my voice was shaking at first (hopefully he didn't notice) ..... I listened to his AMAZING voice for about half an hour........ yes I did manage to talk to him ON THE PHONE for that long.....that is certainly an accomplishment!!!

anywayz I donnow what will happen but I know that I dont want anything to happen..... but still wanna spend more time with him.....and I guess what I don't want and do want don't go togetehr..... so I hope G helps me with all this ........ u will right? :) thank uuu

The first song that I had in mind when I thought about him was this >> "harchi bekhaay hamoon misham... baahaat mimoonam hamishe......ageh begi doosam daari.. har chi bekhay hamoon mishe....." this is the songg...but the only part of it that I was reapiting in my head was "harchi bekhaay hamoon misham" ....... anywayzzzzzz........

so just for ur information..I'm NOT in love or anythinggg....get that into ur head!!!

Harche pish aayad khosh aayad.........

ok I tell u what I want..... I want to spend time with him....... like sit next to him.....or walk with him.... no talking...... just be in the same place together.... that's what I want.......don't ask me why ... that's what i FEEL like I WANT........

Weird! Heart Failure.......

hmmmm

this is the opposite of what should be happening...

ok ... i had a cup of coffee this morning and after that I felt like my heart is slowing down... instead of beating faster it was beating 58 / min .....which was verrrrry unusual because in my family, my heart usually beats faster than the others (+75/min)........

so i donnow what's goin onnn... i finally got myself out of the bed and had something to eat for lunch.....my heart still feels weird..... like ....i feel like i can feel it beat and it is NOT a good feelingggg...

have u ever felt like ur heart is so heavy that makes u wanna take it out and leave it somewhere for a few minutes so it can maybe rest and calm down? ... no? ...well..this is how i'm feeling right now!!!

hmmm...hopefully it will get better soon .......

Baalaatar az siaahi rangi nist!

kheyli doos daaram bedoonam key be in natije residam.......
vali motmaennam hanooz 1 saal nashodeh.......

it feels so good to learn new things about yourself......
it feels SO GOOD to be bi khiaal/to not care......
it feels so good to make other people feel good......
it feels soooo good to be honest and tell people what's on your mind........
it feels so good to accept yourself as who you are.........

napichoon maaro digeh maa ke khatmeh roozegaarim
hey be maa negaa nakon, moje in daryaa saraabeh!

Why am I crying if I'm not sad?

people are so very cruel

pesareyeh porroo...... yani khob harfe delesho zad vali vaghean bazi moghe ha adam nabayad bazi chizaro begeh even if u think it's true......

he tells me that I'm no good to look at? I mean isn't that meannnnn? I donnow what u call MEAN but that sure is one of the meanest things that anyone has ever said to me in my life.

but it's okay......it was a known fact that I'm not .......

I'm just mad at myself for letting someone allow themselves to say something like this to me.....

but whatever! as they say....... live and learn

thank you god for giving me such strong heart and also for the beautiful day!

yes ......today WAS one of the best days of my life......

maybe I should not talk to him again...... I don't want him to say something like that to me

but o well ..... I'll take my chances

mission accomplished!

emrooz sob kolli harf vaase goftan daashtamaa....vali vaght nabood benevisam alaanam aslan hessesh nissss....vali in title ro mikham estefaade konammm... i will write all about it soon..... i have a conclusion to make!

Sometimes u think u know, everything there is to know. BUT u don really know, u know?

this ain't no funnnnnn

ok i came back from my last "date" about 12 hours ago and i haven't even had time to think about itttttt!!! now I have to get ready again to go and see someone else!!

(by the way........ what kind of things have to be done in these "meetings" so they can be called a date?)

well... i shall write more here later....... now I have to think about what i'm gonna wear!! seems like it's a stupid sunny dayyyyy.... hmmm ... i donnow!

I have like 10000 clothes in my closet and I can't think of one that's "appropriate"!!! :(

I jus wanna go back to sleeeeeeep...khaabam miad

Hamchenaan paayeh piaadeh faaregh az sedaayeh khashme aasemooni
Bi khiaal az naaleh haa o geleh haayeh bargaayeh zardeh khazooni
Man be yaadeh atreh baaroon zadeyeh golaayeh pooneh
Mikeshidam paayeh khastamo too jaade, beh havaayeh booyeh khooneh
Vaghti ke sedaayeh khoone mano taa akhare jaadeh mikeshooneh
In saraabeh tooye jaaddeh, ke cheshaamo mipooshooneh

HOW DISGUSTING!

I can not believe myself!!!!

yeki bayad be man begeh : "na baabaaaaa raa oftaadi"

it's funny and sad at the same time!

I donnow what the **** i'm doing..... i dont even want to be doing this.... i have no interest in what I'm about to do......eeeeeeee.... i just want to make it clear that this is not what i wan . . okkk .. i guess i made my point :D .....but yet I have set up APPOINTMENTS with 2 strangers for god only knows what reason! ....and I was chatting with both of them at the same time......yekishoon avvalesh yekam naaz mikard vali enghad mokhesho zadam taa balaro goft.......

so yes...... in two days im meeting #4 .....and in three days i'll be meeting #3....

vali what if I end up liking one of them? I'm just fast forwarding to the future.....

" i like u.....and by the way I had met 3 different guys in the same week when I met u....."

oh my god...that sounds so bad.... I don't feel like I'm innocent anymore....the one thing I was proud of is almost GONE....no...it was gone when I started using #'s.........

the thought of leily o majnoon is gone......I've killed majnoon with my own hands....

but if I live the quote "spend every day as if it's ur last day" ..... I'd rather be doing something than nothing at all....... u no what I mean? Of course u don't because even I donnow what I mean!

anywayz....this is not something that I am looking forward to but i'm still doin it.......

(oh and by the way #2 not showing up last night to chat with me had some impact on my decision....)

good luck to meeeeeeee

To be or not to be.....that is the question!

weird...feeling...... (L) .......missing...... aaaaaaa ok i g2g

vali (L) .....whyyyyyyyyyyyy?

Che Baahaaaal

hehe

che khoobe aadam vaghti sobh az khab bidaar mishe be chizaayeh MOSBAT fekr koneh.....yani che khoobeh vaghti be moshkelatesh fekr nemikonehhhh

nice!

WTF

ok ..... right now I am very mad.....

I am soooooooo disappointed...... :( .....failure after failure.....komak kardanamam be darde ammam mikhore........ ye do khat info ro balad nistam bekhoonam..... !!!!! nothing surprises me anymore

the second part of WTF is my mixed upppp thoughts and feelings........
yesterday i was so depressed.... then I went to work and almost forgot about everything and in the end I couldn't understand why I was so depressed before........ and wanted to apologize to * because * had told me that *'d had a good day and then I started complaining about my life and everything.........

it's so funny.... I guess I take advantage of people's good moods .....whenever they're in a good mood I allow myself to complain and get angry.....but if they're in a bad mood I try to be as calm as I can and TRY to make them feel better....(weirddddd)

oh and now that I think about it one reason why I was depressed yesterday was because #3 had come online and left without even saying hi... we hadn't talked in one day and ...well i had high expectations........

anywayz.....at the end of the night.....while I was talking to #4 (for some reason I don't like this one at allllll... I donnow why......!!!) #2 came online........it was around 2 in the morning... and being the POROO me I started asking him questions about why the hell he doesnt wanna talk to me again.....and figured out that it was all a big misunderstanding..... he'd thought that I jus don wanna talk to him because i don like him etc. which was not true! .... anywayz..... after that I was real happy because I realized that I'm not as bad as I thought..... o "be zendegi omidvaar shodam!!!" ..........

but here's the weird thing.... ok ..as I was talking to #2 I completely forgot about #4 .... for some weird reason I feel like I have to stay LOYAL to #2 ......dont ask me whyyyy... I know that I'm not attracted to him but I really like him because he's so easy to talk 2......and /;p0yes I would like to just go out with him and have fun..just as a friend...... + eventhough I really like #3 and there's a good chance that if we meet in real life I might :X I still feel like I shouldn't because of # 2!!!!!! I donnow why I feel this way...... it's so freaking weird!!!!

kholaaseh yeh jooori #3 ro pichoondam for now.... I just need some time to figure out what it is that I wanTTT.......

50/50 chance

Mesleh penalty zadan mimooneh...

The goaler jumps to one side and hopes that's where the ball's been kicked......

So what kind of style is the one that ** likes?
Lots of make up? or a lil bit?
Lots of clothes? or a lil bit? ;)
Polite or .....?
Talkative or.......?

hmmmmm

by puttilng a lil bit of this and that together I can create a personality...... but that doesn't guarantee a final satisfaction!

what shall one do to seduce the other ;)

damn it.. this is so confusingggggg.... I'll find out soon.......

To be continued.....

Khodaavandaa

Aarameshi ataa farmaa taa bepaziram aanchera ke nemitavaanam taghir daham

Shahaamati taa taghir daham aancheraa ke mitavaanam

Va daaneshi ke tafaavote aan do raa bedaanam

PEACE

Aaaaaaaakheysh

cheghadr khoobeh adam harfe delesho bezaneh......

Doesn't matter how embarresing it is or how stupid the other person might think u are u have to say what's on your mind!

it creates such great feeling.... u have no idea..... i was in such bad mood all day but now I'm happy againnnnnnnn

yayyyyy..thank uuuuu G ;)

Kaareh har kas nist kharman kooftan.....Gaaveh nar mikhaahado mardeh kohan

I want to crawl back into my small, empty box

I am already tired of this little adventure that I've made for myself......

It's never gonna work......

People are a lot more COLD HEARTED than I thought.....I donnow what this life has done to them to make them be the way they are......well maybe I know but......anyhow I don wanna think about it

I want me to be alone for some time and see how that goes.........

I know it'll be scary....but I'll be fine

Har kesio bishtar doos daari bishtar deleto mishkaneh
Ooni ke fekr nemikoni aatish be ghalbet mizaneh

I have no patience......

It's true I don't.........

I saw him this morning....... I think he's cute ........but short...... so I don't think I'm attracted to him...... but he has such great personality... and he's very easy to talk to.......

but he's too cool...... I want him as a friend....... that's alllll........ is that so much to ask for?

I just want a friend and I think he can be a good friend......

Now he tells me that he's busy becaue they're moving to a new apartement and he has to help and stuff......

is that an excuse to avoid me or is he really busy? how am I supposed to know?

I wanna know what he thinks about meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...ahhhh...damn it!

I think he thinks I'm a good girl.....just like everyone else who has met me in my life! They're alwayz like " ohhhh ur so nice....."... but what's that good for????? I'm nice...so what?


Answer:

(12/07/2006 1:21:22 AM): we r nothing but chat friends
(12/07/2006 1:21:43 AM): i know
(12/07/2006 1:21:44 AM): ke man eynesho 100 ta daram
(12/07/2006 1:21:48 AM): va to ham hamintor
(12/07/2006 1:22:09 AM): we can say goodbye

What was that ? Am I complaining again?

o my god.....

i can not understand...... I mean......I never thought that I would see this day........

I usually find a logic in everything.......but this time I just can not ..... god plz keep me away from these people for I can not see their lies through their innocent looking eyes........

I know that u did the first time.......it all makes sense now.....thanks for making them confess...

But....why did it start in the first place? I have told u that I absolutely CAN NOT deal with these people .....

Professional liars... I donnow what has made them turn into who they are today...... why do they resist kindness? what has created this feeling of pleasure after lying?

No answer

What a crappy evening.....

Ahhhhhh

asabam khoord shodaa........

First, I tried to do something but it didn't work......

I got out of the house and the bus just left so I had to wait for half an hour for the next one to come.

After I got off work and came to take the sea bus, the doors were closed which meant that the last sea bus had left 10 minutes before I get there!!!!! So I had to call my dad to come and pick me up :(

And i have to wake up early tomorrow morning.....

And I have to try to fix that SOMETHING that didn't work earlier, otherwise I'll be screwddddddd!

Haha Something Funny

this is so badddd... and funny at the same time.......

I was working on men's floor the other day and all of a sudden my French teacher walks in....
He's wearing his favorite pink shirt ...... since he was one of my favorite teachers (and very young by the way..) .... I got excited ...went to him....andddd.. hugged him.......

I neverrrr hug anyone.......but ever since this new GAY guy has been hired chapo raast miram hugesh mikonam......

So yea..... after I hug him I realize oopssssssss he's not gay...he's married too.....and oh look..his wife is standing right over there!

So I tried to quickly say something and distract him with my words....

maybe he didn't mind........ I don knoww.... :) :D

I H*te them all?

Do I ?

Maybe..... the more I think about them.....the more I think about the past ...... each and everyone of them.....each and every moment I remember..... brings up this rage in me .... that makes me wanna read more novels and watch more movies..........

does that make sense?

I still can not......can not believe.......what happened........ happened to me......ME........failure..... I never thought that those two words would go together.....NEVER....but it did.....I have failed.......

I won't say hate.......but I don't like them........I don't like any of them at all!

Let the Games Begin!

You will know all about it soon......

I'm still planing it.... ;)

WTF

I'm sure I've used this same title before....but I had nothing else that could describe what I'm about to say here.............

Am I jealous of her or am I just mad at her?

I donnow...probably both!

She finally got to exactly where she wanted to be...... she had her fun.....she has her life.....bf *.......job** ......and a bright future ahead of her........and me .........hamchenaan andarkhameh yek koocheam

I donnow why I'm so mad at her....... I think that she thinks I'm a no body.....she thinks I'm too naive..... she doesn't know me at all.......after so many years she still doesn't know me.... I'm just not comfortable around herl........maybe it's because I think she's better than me...... I'm not sure.....

Today she said that she got into UBC..... I know that I should be happy for her...... but I'm not .......when I said "congratulations" I didn't mean it.......I think I lied....... but I didn't mean to lie...... i'm seriously not sure if I should be happy for her or not.......

She was the one who made my life a little bit fun in the past few years...... I mean before she left........ that's why I can't bring myself to DISLIKE someone who'd made some days of my life the best moments since I'd stepped into this crazy world...... that's why I can not say "I hate you" and mean it...... after all she didn't do anything wrong but succeed.....why is that so hard for me to accept and understand? I don't know!

* the one guy I had a crush onnnnn... isn't that funny? I mean it was nothing serious but out of all the people in orkut he had caught my eyes and I had even planned to call himmmmm... this is just way too funny!

** she's working at a bank....... I mean com onnnnn.. that's what I had always wanted to do!

Do angels really exist?

I think so.........

I mean I have met a few people who are so freakin perfect it sometimes scares me!!!

They are way too nice and way to lovable to be actual human beings.......

oh by the way there is something about me that I recently discovered!!!

There are some people out there who actually like me .......they actually think I'm cool and stuff...isn't that crazy? They must be out of their minds...... but it feels SO GOOD to know that you are ACCEPTABLE.....maybe I should tell them how thankful I am......but then.....wouldn't they think that I am weird?

I donnow ......but god.....plz give them some bonus or something in this life just because they made someone like me happy........

That's all for now.......

Peace out......

به نام بخشنده بزرگ
داور بر حق
به نام خداوند ايثار و انصاف

خارم اگر از خاري
خارم تو مپنداري
دانم كه مرا با گل
يكجا تو نگهداري
گل را تو به آن گويي
كه از عشق معطر شد
آن گل كه فقط گل بود
در حادثه پر پر شد

سوداي تو را دارم
من از دل و از جانم
گفتند كه پيدا شو
ديدند كه پنهانم
گفتند كه پيدا كن
خود را و تو را با هم
گفتم كه پيدا هست
در هر نفس آدم
پيداست و من پنهان
من در تن و او در جان
يك آن نظري كردم
در خود گذري كردم
ديدم كه نه در دوري
نزديك تر از نوري
در راه عبور از تو
من اين همه دور از تو
يك عمر نينديشم
هيهات، تو در پيشم
چشم است كه بينا نيست
در عشق كه اين ها نيست

Unwinding my thoughts....

I've decided to analyze myself every month to figure out how I change as I get older ........

Love wise:

I have improved. Until last month, I did not think that true love exists. I mean I was 100% sure that it does not exist. But that percentage has changed from 100 to 50! I donnow why, but some things have happened that make me believe in the possibility of being loved by 1 and loving them forever. So my theory of multilovawl has kind of failed.
So I'm trying to think of what changed it?
I guess BUS (2 days) and then her guy *.........

Like wise:

I can not believe this but I am getting some of my old FEELINGS back! This is so weird. I used to be known as the "kissy lovy huggy" kind of child because I was constantly trying to jump into everyone's arms and kiss them when I was a child ( yes, even the lady who said to me that I was cute on the bus, believe it or not I didn't wanna let go of her when we were getting off the bus..... my parents still, to this day, make fun of me for doing that and that's why it's hard for them to believe that I'm the way I'm today) ....well not exactly a "child"... before I come here at the age of 13.... all that changed to a point where I didn't even wanna hug my own mom !!!!

Anywayz, eventhough I still don't feel like showing any of those kinds of emotions towards my family (god only knows why... seriously.. I donnow!!) , I have what I think is almost an urge to hug some people at work. Do not laugh, but one of them is a tall gay guy, the one who's, as I've mentioned before, so easy to talk to!! And the other one is a girl who alwayz listens to my stories and stuff. Actually I dont wanna hug the girl anymore because I've told her too much about myself that I feel like I should stay away from her for a while, fearing that she has seen the weakness in me. and since she knows the real me she probably thinks that I'm a crazy needy person!!!!

Thinking about education wise:

VERYYYY confused, hopeless, I am refusing to think about it and I'm refusing to ask god for help. I don't even .... ok I don wanna say it but yea.... It's just bad, specialy these days because people keep asking me at work about what I do and what I wanna study in september, and everytime someone asks it feels like someone is squeezing my brain, and it hurts. In answer to them, I say, "well, I studied to years of commerce at college, but then couldn't transfer because of my low marks, so I'm just gonna take a few elective courses at UBC next year until I figure out what I wanna do" .... then they give me that look that shows they're thinking, "oh so you are one of those people who went to college and was too stupid to get good grades" ...

sometimes I get angry and start telling them my whole story .... well I have made myself an excuse for not getting a good grade...actually it's not an excuse it's the truth ....

I tell them about how I was taking 17 credits in the first term, and working about 20 hours a week. That's why, despite all the effort I made, I wasn't able to get good marks at the end of the semester, and was depressed, maybe up to this day, and barely passed my courses in the second term.

This is the story that I have come to believe in, I'm just refusing to think of myself as someone who is stupid!!! :(

Looking for a job wise:

I had applied for a lot of receptionist positions and as soon as I went for an interview for one, I just KNEW that I can not work in a quiet office as a receptionist. I don't care how much they pay, I can not imagine myself sitting there alone, thinking about all my problems for another year, while answering the phone and typing things in the computer! No way I can do that, I will go absolutely insane.

Quitting my job now, in order to get a better one, seems like an impossible thing to do! The people at work are like my second family now and leaving them would be like a nightmare!

Conclusion:

I'm a mess! I have no idea what I wanna do or who I am. I would like to keep my mind occupied by going to work almost everyday and reading novels whenever I get a chance, even on my 15 minutes breaks. I just don wanna think about me. I'm sure I will regret this one day, but oh well, what can one do.

This is the situation:

There is a bridge that connects two lands together. You can see the lights across the bridge. While standing in the darknesss, you feel like you are way too sleepy to cross the bridge, afraid that the lights will wake you up, you go back to sleep.

Maybe I should write this here too ( Part III)

this is just a conclusion of my little "experience"......

I told one of my co-workers about that night..and she thought that what I did was absolutely crazy ..... "what if he raped you A***?", she said, with a worried look on her face, at the same time probably thinking that I'm very stupid.

"But why would he do that?", I replied. "He seemed like a very nice guy, and persian people usually don't do those kind of things...", while thinking oh my god she's right. It was a weird thing because eventhough I know that she could be 100% right I 100% trusted the guy... I can not think of why god would want me to go out with him if he was gonna do something bad to me... I rely A LOT on my feelings...and going out with him at that time of the night might seem like a naive thing to do .... but my feelings.... they never lie!

anywayz.... I was thinking if I were to do this all over again I wouldn't change a thing.

haha...I'm gonna tell u something funny...it's not related to this conclusion that much..well it kind of is.....

I remember when I was in grade ..ummm .. 9 I guess...I had gone to my friend's birthday party ( yes back then I did have a few friends!! ;) ) .. and then the day after she was gonna go to a mall with her boyfriend and asked me to go with them...so I did ..

in the mall there was this guy that I'd seen at the party who was to join us... I said hello to him and a few minutes after, my friend whispered to my ears "oh by the way, he likes you!!" .... surprised by what she'd said, I actually tried to run away...smiling saying "oh I'm late, I have to go home" .... my friend said "no let's go to a park...*** has a car ..so he can take us all." ....
I was 100% refusing ..... remembering that my parents have always forbidden me to get into a stranger's car.... after saying no 100 times (probably making that guy wonder why he ever liked such an annoying little girl) I started walking away, took the bus and went home ..hahaha...

HAHA

It's ....ummm..."interesting" to live under the same roof with a bunch of people who have absolutely noooooo idea what the **** is going through your mind..or life.....

today they tell me i'm the most boring person ever....... i tell them .... "ur wrong....i could be different but u are very good at bringting that side out of me!!!)...

oh ur so boring..always reading books in ur room.....u are finally gonna get depressed.....

I wanted to laugh as hard as I can....answering him in my head "ohhhh u have no idea what the meaning of depression is, do you?" *....... finally I managed to give him a hint by saying "how do you know i'm not already depressed?" ...with a smile on my face, of course, so they wouldn't think that I'm weak.....

he says "well if you are u should do something about it!!" ... i just smile thinking (ehhh jeddi nemidoonestam!! mersi az inke gofti)

anywayz.... i really sometimes wonder what they would do if, one day, they actually read the things that i write here?!! I hope they never do..and if they did... i hope they don't tell me.... one thing i know for sure....they will be 100% shocked!!!

how can a person be so different inside and out???? good question ;)

I have bad news for me!!!!

omg....this is sooo bad

I just realized something..... "ONE" can never be attracted to nice guys..... I mean "u" can like them A LOT and build a relationship with them...and maybe even live together forever....

BUT.... the need to be LOVED by someone who plays hard to get is a totalllllly different story.... most of "people" (ehemmm) would rather go for "bad boys"........ and then get addicted to trying to get their attention....and live like this forever...... and "some" are even willing to give up the TOGETHER FOREVER relationship for that......

I think that's just saddddd...don't u?

WTF

this is so weird and soooo true