Khasteh

Nemidoonam emrooz cheghadr geryeh kardam

Khasteh am, kheyli khasteh

Shaayad dalaayelam bachegaanrh baasheh, shaayad man yeh ghorbaanirh kaamelam

Man aslan hichi yaad nafereftam, man aslan bozorg nashodam. Hanooz yeh bacheyeh kaamelam. Bacheyeh bacheh. Bacheyeh zer zeroo. Aslan hoseleye hichio nadaram

Man mitoonam shaad baasham, ageh bekhaam mitoonam. Aslan jaayeh ghami nist. Dalayelam barayeh ghamgin boodan enghad maskharan keh vaghean khandeh daareh. Kheyliam khandeh daareh.

Hichvaght fekr nemikardam keh beh inja beresam. Aslan fekr nemikardam inja baasham. Enghad eahgho aasheghio doostieh toolani moddat baram mesleh mahaalaat bood keh fekr nemikardam yeh rooz ghameh zendegim in baasheh keh raabeteyeh toolani moddatam bedooneh ta ahod baaeseh boxorgtarin ghameh zendegim besheh.

Ma alan taghriban do saalo nime baa hamim. Man ya risk kardam ya khariat kardam ya khastam raaheh khodamo beram ke tasmim gereftam Novambreh parsal bahash hamkhoone besham. Fekr kardam ke digeh kheyli kharejaki shodamo manam bayad mesleh baghie bashamo mesleh ommola nemitoonam begam keh hamkhoone nemikham besham. Shayad intor khaastam ke bahaane haasho kam konam. Akhe migoft bedoone inkeh ba ham zendegi konim keh nemitoonim tasmimeh ezdevaj begirim.

Beh har hal man in tasmimo gereftamo pashimoonam nistam. Vali dar tasavvoraato takhayyolaatam badaz chand maah oon belakhare az man khastegari mikardo, bad ezdevajo bad ham bacheh.

Vali hich kodoom az in ettefaghat nayoftad. Hamash bahoone miareh ke ma hanooz aamaade nistim, ya bacheh masooliate bozorgieh, yaa ezdevaaj aslan baraayeh chi.

Ehsas mikonam hich ghodrati nadaram. Midoonam keh raanandeyeh raabete zaneh. Vali man hichi balad nistam. Man alan na malakeh hastam, na lavandam. Na az kaargaah haai ke raftam chizi yaad gereftam yaa yaadam miaad. Man yeh ghorbanieh kaamelam va delam baraayeh khodam misoozeh.

Ehaas mikonam aakhareh khat residam. Ehsas mikonam keh sennam dareh baalaa mireo engaar beh jaai residam keh baayad eltemas konam keh oon ba man ezdevaj koneh. Sad albateh in kaaro nemikonam vali hessam ineh. Ehsas mikonam hameyeh ghodrat dasteh ooneh chon man na baladam harf bezanam na kaareh dorost anjam bedam. Hamash in rooza ghor mizanamo akhmoo hastam.

Bazi moghe ha delam mikhaad az inja beramo khooneye khodamo begiram ta vaghti ke in taklifamo roshan koneh. Behem hamishe migeh ke mikhad ba man basheh o ayandasho bedoone man nemitoone rasavvor kone va man in harfesho kamelan bavar daram vali be cheh dardam mikhore ageh na bekhad aghd kone, na ezdevaj, na bacheh.

Bazi mogheh ha mikham khodamo gool bezanamo begam eshkal nadareh, hameh chi doros misheh, vali man yeh zanam. Man nemitoonam ta harvaght bekham sabr konam. Dareh 35 saalam misheh o hanooz be jai naresidam.

Nemidoonam hasoodam hastam ya na. Fekr nemikonam basham. Beh doostam ke daran bacheh dar mishan negah mikonamo barashoon khoshhaalam. Vali manam hasrat mikhoram. Hasrat mikhoram ke chera pas man hanooz beh oonja naresidam.

Bazi mogheh ha khodamam az bache dar shodan mitarsam. Az inkeh aazadimo az dast bedam mitarsam. Vali midoonam keh ageh bache daar besham sad dar sad khoshhal khaaham bood va hich vaght pashimoon nemisham chon in entekhaabi hast keh daram mikonam na ettefagheh naakhaastei ke haminjoori biofteh. Man aamaadegisho daram... ageh chizi be esme aamaadegi dashtan vojood dashte baasheh.

Man mitoonam khodamo gool bezanam va baa chiz haayeh rooz mareh khodamo khoshhal negah daaram vali taheh delam midoonam khoshhal nistam

Ma rabeteye kheyli khoobi daarimo gheyraz inke man yekam shelakhte hastam keh oono narahat mikone moshkele digei ba ham nadarim. Man kenaresh dar kol kheyli khoshhaalam vali in ke hanooz ba inke sad bar behesh goftam baram moheme aghdo ezdevaj konim vali kaari anjam nadadeh kheyli narahatam mikone va hes mikonam ghodratesho nadaram keh oono beh raaheh raast hedaayat konam.


Faghat delam mikhad farar konamo behesh fekr nakonam. Bazi moghe ha aslan mikhaam nabaasham... zadaneh in hard narahatam mikone vali vaaghean in hessameh. Naa shokri nemikonam vali khaastam harfeh delamo zadeh baasham.

Mersi keh khoondin