همچو گل سرخ بر و دست دست همچو ميی خلق ز تو مست مست بازوی تو قوس خدا يافت يافت تير تو از چرخ برون جست جست غيرت تو گفت برو راه نيست رحمت تو گفت بيا هست هست لطف تو درياست و منم ماهيش غيرت تو ساخت مرا شست شست مرهم تو طالب مجروحهاست نيست غم ار شست توام خست خست ای که تو نزديک تر از دم بمن دم نزنم پيش تو جز پست پست گر چه يکی يوسف و صد گرگ بود از دم يعقوب کرم رست رست مست همی گرد درين شهر ما دزد و عسس را شه ما بست بست

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باز به بط گفت که صحرا خوشستگفت شبت خوش که مرا جا خوشست سر بنهم من که مرا سر خوشستراه تو پيما که سرت ناخوشست گر چه که تاريک بود مسکنمدر نظر يوسف زيبا خوشست دوست چو در چاه بود چه خوشستدوست چو بالاست به بالا خوشست در بن دريا به تک آب تلخدر طلب گوهر رعنا خوشست بلبل نالنده به گلشن به دشتطوطی گوينده شکرخا خوشست تابش تسبيح فرشته ست و روحکاين فلک نادره مينا خوشست چونک خدا روفت دلت را ز حرصرو به دل آور دل يکتا خوشست از تو چو انداخت خدا رنج کاررو به تماشا که تماشا خوشست گفت تماشای جهان عکس ماستهم بر ما باش که با ما خوشست عکس در آيينه اگر چه نکوستليک خود آن صورت احيا خوشست زردی رو عکس رخ احمرستبگذر از اين عکس که حمرا خوشست نور خدايی ست که ذرات رارقص کنان بی سر و بی پا خوشست رقص در اين نور خرد کن کز اوتحت ثری تا به ثريا خوشست ذره شدی بازمرو که مشوصبر و وفا کن که وفاها خوشست بس کن چون ديده ببين و مگوديده مجو ديده بينا خوشست مفخر تبريز شهم شمس دينبا همه فرخنده و تنها خوشست

Liar!

I don't know why everyone thinks that I'm a liar!

Seriously, it hurts!

but maybe because they don't know me in person they think this way

like they don't believe that i dont have friends

but i guess it's ok........ they also think that i'm more likable than i think i am..... so ......

in ba oon dar :D

time for me to go to sleeeeeep

hava garmehhhh

When did it happen?

and at some point in ur life
without u noticing it
you forget about things/people that were once so important to u
the people that u thought about everyday
the people that were missed dearly
the people that you had a lot of feelings for
and the funny / the sad thing is that
you don't know the day when u stopped thinking about them/ stopped loving them

when was it?
I don't remember
all I know is that I was once crazy about him..... we only chated...... I was such a kid....... I mean I didn't know a lot of "stuff" back then.... too innocent......

and I remember liking him a lot..... I remember the day that my heart raced to see him online after so long.... it was so exciting.......

but now...... now that I look at his pix and think about him........ I have absoloutely no feelings for him whatsoever....... like 0%!

and it makes me wonder if it's true that you can someday forget about the ones that you'd once LOVED?

and I think the answer is yes...... only if you find a greater love..... if you give yourself a chance to find a greater love....... you will be able to fall in love again...... completely!

and time helps too!

:)

(written by an absoloutely inexperienced person!) :D

p.s. I saw HIS pix with HER today..... (I wonder if I should start calling her HER?) ........ anyways..... I've always liked HER and thought that they'd make a wonderful match! but are they just "Friends"? hmmmm.... they seem like a perfect match.......

AND I CANT UNDERSTAND WHY

no matter how many times I tell myself that he's not right for me...... he's just TOO MUCH....... or maybe not....... I haven't even seen him in person........

1 day I like him......... the next day I laugh at myself for thinking that I like him......... it's so weird...... I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM......GODDDDDD...........

I JUST CAN'T GET YOU OUTTA MY HEAD BOY YOUR LOVE IS ALL I THINK ABOUT

and trust me...... I DON'T want it to be this way.......I'd rather think about other things...... like I honestly don't care...... but other things in my life seem to be so stresful that my mind just distracts itself by thinking about HIM.......

ew ew ew ......I'm beginning to DISLIKE myself for this........ it's just so childish and unfair....... I want better things for myself ...... I truely do........ it just sounds so bad even when I tell others..... they're like "ok hon....... ur like 21 and still in love with some dude that u haven't even met? what is wrong with u? no seriously, WHAT IS wrong with you?"

I WANT ME TO BE A BETTER PERSON

GOD HELP ME BE A BETTER PERSON

PLZ GOD HELP ME BE A BETTER PERSON

Another lonely night! GET OVER IT!!!

midoonam oon maale man nist vali aakh chi kar konam
baa hameh naazo adaash ... ba atfaaraash chi kar konam?

midoonam oon maleh man nist vali baaz sedaash miaad
delam horri mirizeh baa khandeh haash chi kar konam?

oon sedaash kheyli ghashangeh are man khoob midoonam
oon cheshash tarzeh negaash mano kosht khoob midoonam

vaghti nist in del migireh az doorish chi kar konam?
divoonasham daste khodam nist to migi chi kar konam?

akhe man doosesh daram divoonasham chi kar konam
kheyli oon naamehrabooneh, ageh nayad pisham bemoone man bayad chi kar konam?

TA ABAD PARVANEH AT KHAHAM MAAND?

(by the worst poet?= me)

I wish.......

Life was a little bit more simple.

sigh

for me! I wish I didn't take things so serious! I wish I could be like the others...... the normal ones that are crazy and free of any worries...... because FOR ME there's no reason to be worried.... the future could be bright..... but ..... why am I still sitting inside the dark??? Am I too scared to jump out and experience the brightness that god has offered me? I believe so! shame....... shame on me

Saalgardeh ta'meh eshgh!

Ay ghalbam!

I am happy...... like this >>>> :D

but to tell you the truth I don't know how to be happy...... god has given me what I'd asked for and I want to be thankful........ i think I am thankful....... I mean i don't want to die anymore which is a feeling that I haven't had in a long time! but something is missing..... i'm not truely happy from the buttom of my heart..... i have absoloutely no social life..... I feel like I'm already lost in the thoughts of "future" that I can't do nothing...... I know what to do....... I have to make a list ...... and see what I can manage to do without becoming overwhelmed/stressed out!

god help me.....

can i ask for a little bit of sunshine tomorrow? plz and thank you....

:)

People's expectations!

Omg......

people expect too much from one another.......

why don't you have a job?
why don't you get your driver's license?
why don't you do something about your hair?
why don't you want to go out with X?
why don't you have any friends?

godddd.........can they just leave me alone for a while? jeeeez!

I'm honestly really nervours about the near future! I do have some plans but not all of them may turn out the way I want them too so this uncertainty makes me nervous!

p.s. he e-mailed me again! saying that he never said he's in love with me or anything etc. and he just wanted us to get to know each other a bit more! i'm starting to think that he's crazy! i honestly don't mind hanging out with him once or twice a month..... just as a friend.... but since i know that he has higher expectations I'm not going to write him back etc.

p.s. P called me today...... she didn't call yesterday and i got mad.... and even though we did share about 2 weeks of time together almost all the time I STILL feel like I wouldn't mind if we didn't talk again........ I think I do miss the "attachment" part in humanity.... LOL...... it's sad isn't it? well i think it's sad and that's all that matters...... (or maybe i just don't know about the things that I want and the things that I don't want?)

*sigh*

BEH SORAGHE MAN AGAR MIAYI NARMO AHESTE BIA
MABADA KE TARAK BARDARAD SHISHEYEH NAZOKE TANHAYIEH MAN

My magic words......

So it was kind of interesting because I'd written him an e-mail saying that there's no mutual attraction... etc. so he e-mailed me back sayin "oh i know i'm not attractive.... but I'm sure that ur gonna fall in love with someone someday and he'll do the same to you" ...... I THINK he was mad!! so i emailed him back saying that I never said he wasn't attractive..... etc. and he emailed me back saying that oh he likes me so much and he's never felt this way about anyone...then i wrote him a long e-mail saying that he's acting so immature towards this whole thing.... and how he should learn from this experience.... and how i like gay people and the guys who have gfs .....LOL it's true! and i told him there have been 2 other people that i've liked etc. so now he's e-mailed me saying fine.... i'll live you alone :) ....... i don't know if he now thinks that i'm weird or he's just given up..... but either way I have found some peace knowing that i have said something that will stop him eventually from liking me..... and i'm sure that he won't hurt himself...... so me is happy :)

I THANK GOD EVERYDAY

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOUUUUUUU

FOR EVERYTHING

:X:X:X:X:X

No comments!

You know what.....I'm not sure of what I want..... I might like something today and not the same in a few monthes...... I remember regretting the fact that I rejected S 6-7 years ago....... I think that was last year....... but only because I was so desperate....... I was looking for someone who loves me for me...... and this year someone did love me for me...... and I rejected him....... it always seems like there's somehting missing...... I CANT MAKE MYSELF LIKE SOMEONE WHEN I DONT FEEL NOTHING FOR THEM...... I don't know why I don't feel anything for them..... right now I'm already stressed out enough about school and I don't think it would have been a good idea to start anything new with someone who seems to be from a total different world! I just hope that he finds it in his heart to forgive and forget me..... I honestly never wanted to do something that would make him like me.... he liked me from the beginning and it was hard from the VERY BEGINNING to reject him....... I wanted to give myself and him a chance to see how things go...... but my heart is apparently made of stone! that's what I discovered....... someone needs to teach him that girls don't get attracted to guys who tell them "I love you" the first time they meet! that's just scary and from the beginning it sounds like a lot of responsibility....... I mean I have read a lot of romantic novels and even I know that one shall never say that in the beginning unless they're sure that the other person has somehow showed some interest...... I wrote him kind of a mean e-mail and it seems like he now hates me..... which is kind of good because if he continued liking me and if I didn't respond to his calls I was honestly worried that he would go hurt himself ...... but now that he knows I'm not really as nice as he thought maybe he wouldn't ....... god please keep him safe......

يادم باشد حرفی نزنم که به کسی بر بخورد
نگاهی نکنم که دل کسی بلرزد
خطی ننويسم که آزار دهد کسی را
يادم باشد که روز و روزگار خوش است
وتنها دل ما دل نيست

god please forgive me........you know that I'm not the kind that hurts others..... I live to make people happy.... only if I knew how to do this differently so he wouldn't get hurt I would do it.... I would risk my own unhappiness for others..... but not this time...... I don't want to play with anyone's heart..... specially not mine!

Miss U

Vaay khodaa..... man chera intori bayad basham? chera bayad baziaro enghadr ziad doos daashte bashamo baghiaro 0?

chera ino enghad doos daram? chera enghad too 2-3 roozeh gozashte behesh fekr kardam? chera khabesho didam?

khob chi kar konam....doosesh daram digeh.karish nemishe kard.... I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR LOVE .....

Baa to setaareh mishavam!

Akhey......

I had a dream about him last night.... for some reason he was here! and he came to our house....... I don't remember why..... and he was talking to my brother and my brother's friends....... and then there was a point....... when everyone was sleep..... he was like sleeping a meter away from me side by side... but everyone else was also in the same room..... and then he opened his eyes and looked at me...... and then he poked me! LOL...... I kept my eyes closed and smiled....... he was so miraculously lovely and lovable! :X

then I woke up for some reason! it was 7:30 a.m. ...... but then I went back to sleep..... and he was in my dream again........ we were like in the streets or something..........I don't remember any details......... :)

p.s. the reason why I had a dream about him is because I was thinking of him before I go to sleep...... I wonder if a day will ever come when I don't think about him...... he's been on my mind EVERYDAY for so long...... (sigh)

Hehehehehe......this feels good!

It's kind of sad but.......

I haven't been attracted to any guys in a longgggg time! I find something wrong with all of them......I know that there's no such a thing as "the 100% perfect soulmate" ..... but still.... I'm having a hard time imagining a future with the guys that I randomly see on the street ( lol ..... maybe that's why!!! )

but anyways.... the saddest part is that I'm honestly NOT even thinking of finding a bf anytime soon..... believe it or not I don't want to waste my time on that..... I have more important things to do...... thanks to the one who's watching me and helping me up there...... THANK YOU

باورم نمیشه دنیام
داره با من را میاد
دیگه نمی خوام که بمیرم

Eshghasto Aatasho Khoon
Daaghasto Dardeh DOORI
Key Mitavan Nagoftan?
Key Mitavan Saboori?????

Recent news........

The past 2 weeks of my life have been somewhat strange.......

I have been spending so much time with P that I'm rarely at home.......
let me add that I have been having fun...... specially after hearing the news...... I feel like I don't have much to worry about....... except for life :D

anyways........ the only problem I have is this "guy"........ I honestly feel nothing for him...... like 0 ........ but he's like all into me ...... and he says that he thinks I am "the one"........ omg...... you have no idea how it feels when someone tells you that and you can't say nothing nice in return.........when someone gives you a list of why they like you so much and you have nothing to say ....... because first of all you don't want them to start thinking that you like them....... yes maybe he's a nice guy........ maybe he's the best guy in the world...... just not the right one for you........

so after a lot of thinking I think I should stop talking to him...... he'd told me that we can be "just friends" but you can never be that when the other person has feelings for you ..... I honestly didn't mean to hurt him..... I don't want to be punished for rejecting him...... because they say that you should never break someone's heart....... but I have to end it right now or else things might start to turn ugly......... so that's that........ I hope god helps him through this...... god please make him forget me......

I'm alive!

omg....... it's so exciting to be alive........ thank you god so much...... I can't even imagine what I would have done if I didn't......... please help me through the rest.......

I AM SO THANKFUL

I AM SOOOOOOOOOO THANKFUL

THANK YOU GOD