And if I knew that he really loves me.......

This would be the greatest love story ever known :)

Taa haalaa shodeh ashegh beshino motmaen bashin ke bi shakko tardid yekio kheyli doos darin va tanha shakki ke darin in hast ke oon shomaro doos dareh ya na Taa hala shodeh beh in natijeh beresid ke oonam shomaro doos dareh/ mitooneh doos dashte baasheh va behtar az shoma shaayad baraash peida nasheh (hamin ke in haro minevisam dar jomleyeh dovvom shakko tardid hast , hence jomleyeh sevvom) Taa haalaa shodeh ba inke yekio doos darin, va hattaa ageh motmaennam hastid oon doostetoon dareh bazam raazi nabaashid chon be hamoon andaazeh motmaen hastid ke alaan baraash zoodeh o oon bayad bishtar tajrobeh kasb koneh va nabayad alan varedeh ye rabeteyeh jeddi baasheh Taa haalaa shodeh enghad dar moredeh ye mozoo gij shodeh baashid vali behesh ahammiat nadid chon fe'lan dar aaneh haazer mozooyeh mohemtari mesleh peida kardaneh kaar hast ke bayad be oon fekr konid Taa hala shodeh az tamaameh lahzeh haai ke ba yeki hastid ehsase khoshhaali bokonido tanha narahatitoon in basheh ke oon az daste shoma narahat besheh ya be shoma be andaze kafi tavajjoh nakoneho behesh bazi moghe ha hagh bedin chon motmaen nistin ke shoma barayeh oon behtarin baashid Beh har haal, tanha chizi ke midoonam ineh ke az vaghti ke bahash boodam, che vaghtai ke ba ham dava dashtim che na hamishe kheyli doosesh dashtam, va tanha chizi ke narahatam mikard bi tavajjohieh oon be man dar bazi mavaared bood ke hamraah ba hesaadat bood..... tanha chizi ke midoonam ineh ke haazeram baraash har kari ke mikhaad bokonam va hamin baaes misheh keh fekr konam doosesh daram chon adam, makhsoosan man, baraayeh har kasi, hatta bazi moghe ha khanevadam, har kaari nemikonam vali baraayeh in chera! Baa hameye ghoraayi ke mizaneh va davaahaayi ke mikoneh be jooreh ajibi doost daashtanieh! Yeh joori ke mikhaay zendegito be paash berizi no matter what. That's all I know! Ba inkeh too delam shayad betoonam begam ke be andazeh 40% motmaen hastam keh oon ba man ageh basheh barayeh hamishe khoshbakht misheh..... va in chizieh ke mano azaab mideh....... vali behesh fekr nemikonam....... Shab bekheyr!

Asemaan abrist....... baaraan ham nemibaarad....

The weather these days is a direct representation of how I feel. There are lots of clouds in the sky by there's no rain..... that's how I feel inside... there's a cloud.... but I'm not sad...... just taking my time figuring out what I should do next.... soon I'll see the sun... whether or not these clouds will turn into rain or go away.... soon I'll see the sun :) Khodaya, tanha tora miparastam va tanha az to yari mikhaaham...mara beh raahe raast hedayat kon..... <3 amin

A few things to keep in mind while I begin a new chapter of my life:

DREAM BIG Don't settle for less than you deserve!

He's the only one that I would do anything for....

Well beside my family members..... or even more? It's a strange feeling...... I don't know what went wrong yesterday......still trying to figure it out..... I accepted to do something that I knew was wrong in so many ways....first of all I felt like I was taken advantage of by who you may want to call my best friend....... it's my problem not hers....... I don't know how to say no! I don't know how anyone would say no to be honest..... she asked me if I could help her with her homework (which is something that would take 7-8 hours and it wouldn't be fair to the other students in the class for her to get help so it was something that I was against of) ..... but I agreed to do it and felt guilty for doing it .... not only that I spent 7-8 hours doing something that at the end of the day would make me feel bad about myself.......so what's the moral of the story here? IDK..... This morning I was so upset that I said if I am in the same situation ever again I would say no no matter how hurt she's gonna get..... a true friend should not ask for this kind of help anyways.... So I told HT.....and he got so mad at me .... I don't understand myself...why the heck did I tell him? obviously he would get upset!!!!! SO I can't even be mad at him for getting mad at me..... he threatened me and made me feel even worse..... he said what if the prof find out? it wasn't like I waas doing all her homework! but I felt so bad that I couldn't sleep properly So at the end of the day I don't know who to blame? The source : my "friend" Myself for accepting Him for getting mad at me and making me feel so bad Still haven't figured it out...... but I'm at peace with myself, him, and her! And I have a feeling everything's gonna be ok....

Live as one!

Wouldn't that we wonderful? But look around you... every culture tries to mingle amongst themselves no matter how "americanized" or "Canadianized" they've become..... at the end of the day the truth is that WE ARE DIFFERENT from each other... each country has a different culture...and color.... and language.... and religion...... and education.... the more different each is the more different you are from the people in that country.... Let's take Canada and the US Culture X Language (Same) Color (Same) Religion (Same) Education (Same) So Canadians and Americans would get along easier even if they have a slightly different culture Now try to compare Iranians and Canadians..... I've met a lot of Iranians that were even born and raised here..... However, regardless of the fact that they were born here, they are still hanging out with other Iranians! The one thing that can be changed around the world to make everyone feel closer to being one is the language....I'm Iranian but I'm all for making English the language that's spoken world wide!

Not asking it to slow down......

For me life has been going at a faster pace than I had imagined...... I'm fully thankful to god..... I'm not complaining at all since I know that there's a force that's helping me / pushing me go forward since I've always felt like I've been behind...... I feel like I'm slowly catching up..... I have learned that one thing that everyone should pray for is going the right direction and making the right choice ....... that's why I like the "Hamd" Sourah (From Qur'an) .... I'm not a religious person..... but I have a few beliefs.... As immigrants we should accept that no matter how hard we try we will forever be different from those that were born and raised here ... we will always have the lack of being surrounded by family or relatives...... but one thing that my friend told me that really made a home run was the fact that we may be the first generation here but years from now our children will have what we did not and that should be enough to help us move forward..... There are a few things that I'm confused about.... there are a few things that I don't understand about myself and my feelings..... still working on recovering me ... I'm sure there are psychological explenations and if I talk to a psychologist I may be able to figure it out.... but I feel like I've made a lot of progress so am just gonna wait and see what happens..... Perhaps a big part of why I'm happy is because I have someone in my hard that I care about a lot..... we have had many ups and downs in our relationship and there may be a lot of uncertainties as to what will happen....He's someone that's also very different from those around him....and no matter what he does I never get mad at him..... which I'm not sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing! I always get upset for making him upset or I get upset because even if I'm 100% sure what he's done is wrong, he just doesn't get it and he thinks he's at no fault!!! But at the end of the day he has done so many things that has touched my heart so deeply that I just don't want to get mad at him.... and there's a dillema: 1) I know if I don't tell him he will never learn 2) I don't want to tell him because I believe that no one is perfect! Our relationship has been very strange and unusual.... and I don't know what will happen..... we are probably not gonna be living in the same city anytime soon either.... I will be patient... time will give me all the answers :) My life has literally once again begun..... I need to find a job and figure out what I wanna do!