The BIG BANG

I want to do something crazy before my birthday...... maybe bu w p ..........donnow yet ...... ull find out in less than 2 weeks!

anywaysssss.........

OMG i've had it with guys! seriously ..........they're so annoying..........I've come to the conclusion that there are two types in this world...... or at least in my world....... or maybe I should say there are two types of guys between the ones that I like in this world

1 - the assh*les

2- the ones who are not but pretend to be assh*les

grrrrrrr........... i'm so fed up with this ........I almost h*te them all.......at least for now

I was actually thinking about how badbakht I am...... I either don't want to make friends with anyone (the proof of it is the fact that I only have 1 friend) ........and when I do and try to be a good "friend" they either don't appreciate it or easily ignore me which pisses me off because they don't know how much what I am doing is difficult and different for me.......but they still choose to not pay attention

so whatever

I'm just gonna leave them all alone in their lonely world or whatever it is........ and they will eventually find whoever they want whenever they want........ but I DONT WANT TO BE part of this f*cked up process and play games or whatever it is that they want me to do

so ADIOS

F*ck them all!

grrrrrr

I donnow......... i think i'm becoming more and more grumpy everyday......... the truth is that i'm not very happy about the fact that my "best friend" is someone who thinks so low of me..... and for some reason it's against the rules of the universe for one to leave their best friend! so i shall stick to this relationship I guess forever untill death do us apart.

my problem is that I dont really like people in general....... I mean i neirther like/dislike them........ very indifferent........

and I DONT LIKE TO PLAY GAMES!

OMG OMG OMG

hahaha

ok ok......so here's what happened......remember how i told u that there's this new guy that I like? ok so I've been thinking about him so much that i got distracted all day thinking of if i should call him or not

but thennn......... i went online......and he was there......then he msgd me

and thennnnnn....... he was like yekam asabam khoorde so i asked him why and he didn't tell me

and thennnn........he's like it's ok khoob misham age beram pishe gf am.......

so i was like ok.........i was shocked because i didnt know that he has a gf........so i was kinda relieved thinking that "YAY i dont have to think about him anymore"

so i said.....oh yea that's a good idea

he's like yea....... do u want to joing us?

i thought......what the hell........there's something wrong with him

so i said oh no thanks.......i'm gonna go to bed i'll talk to u later

and he said.....vaa..... chera?

i said.......because i'm sleepy

he said "call me"

and after i called he started singing songs for me.......

i was so shocked.......

now i dont know what to think

i'm gonna go to bed

GOOD NIGHT

The dream I had last night

Or maybe I should say this morning...... sometime between 6:30 - 8....... I had a dream about MR. V.

I had finally gone to his school........ but didn't want to see him.........eventhough I was so excited just to be there......... I had purchased a ticket the nigh before and had my flight in the morning....... after I arrived one of my friends "Z" and another person that I worked with "P" were there to help me........... I was wearing my sandals......... the ones that had straps with a combination of all rainbow colors + my other flip flops (the black ones!)

But when I was walking in the school first I saw a pool....... they had three pools which was kinda nice....... then we went to the underground floor ...... which was the cafeteria.......and as I was thinking in my head if I should call him or not I saw him......... there he was with his book in his hand....... sitting on a kinda table that was attached to the wall........... wearing big big glasses which looked funny ...... but he managed to see me from far away...... and he smiled and tried to sit straight...... I smiled too and started walking towards him........ then he said hi ...... staring at me........ shaking my hand and not letting go......... it was interesting...... we didn't say anything in particular ...... the next thing I know was that I was walking with Z (Actually it was a combination of Z and P in a new person!) trying to find a room on the campus....... I hadn't thought much about the expenses......... I was hoping that I will find someone who can let me stay there....... when we were in the library he was working there as a security ..... I don't remember the details....... I mean i do but I don't know when each happened.......so I'm not gonna say them.......... One thing that I could say is that I was wearing my winter coat......with my rainbow looking sanddals......and a pink scarf ! and I told him + Z not to walk with me because I look like a javad LOL...... and when I was leaving Z's place I left my flip flops ....... I kept leaving them behind for some reason....

Maybe I had this dream because I was looking at expedia.ca last night.... I didn't really think about him though....I was checking for another flight to the states........

hmm that was weird! :D

:(

ah

I truely dislike myself........I mean there's something psychologically wrong with me and I can't really help it........ Last night I couldn't sleep....... I so wanted to talk to him ...... ah ...... I donnow whyyyyyyy........ I told u that he called me but I didn't pick up...... everytime I talk to him I feel bad......specially when he doesnt answer me fast enough......LOL...... I'm so crazyyyyyyy...... omg......yeki nist bege in che vaghte ashegh shodan bood akhe

I'm so stupid........ the sad thing is that I know he's still in love with his x........that's why I should avoid him.......but at the same time i really like him.........I mean i have only seen him once in person........ or twice.......but we got to talk only the second time......... and he was so nice :( .....in a nice way........... ah whatever

I'm planning not to talk to him anymore......specially after tonight....... he left without saying goodbye :(( :( :( :(

ok i'm gonna go to sleep......

oh and my parents had another fight..........why cant I live in peace for more than a week whyyyyyyyyy?

Counting down.......

I'm getting OLD

I'm gonna be 22 in 31 days.......still no bf......... and haven't experienced many many things.......but I have improved .......so I guess I should be thankful......and I am thankful :) ... THANK YOU GOD

Crazy Me

OMG

so i msgd him......and he called me.......twice .......but I didn't pick up........ because.......

because I don't know.....first of all I'm not in a good mood at all....... second of all I don't know what to think of him....... I don't wanna become to attached for no reason :(

But I'm happy that he's ok.......I don't know why I was so worried about him

I'm going to sleep now........hopefully tomorrow I'll feel a bit more sane!

Today I did my "nightmare" test but I don't wanna talk about it

I had a bad headache last night......... I don't know if it was for the stress, the hot milk I drank, or for "other" reasons.........

SFT called me 2/3 days ago but I didn't pick up......... I think whenever I talk to him I start thinking about him for no reason because he's not even right for me and he clearly doesn't like me.......... or I should say he's not attracted to me

I've been thinking about RD too much though........way too much..........again for no reason! I donnow what he wants.........

The only thing guys know how to do is to just work on a girl's brain and leave!

or maybe I am too emotional that I think person x likes me as soon as they say hi too me! (this is a big exageration!)

anywayssssssss..........right now I'm sleepy........haven't heard from RD since last night and I miss him I think........ I mean I wish he would just send me a message........I'm just worried about him? don't ask why!

Now I'm gonna go drink a cup of tea and maybe then go to sleep

Emrooz ke man aashegham donyaa che aaftaabieh....Barayeh Del Khoshiam Yeh shaakhe gol Kaafie

I LOVE YOU GOD

cheghad hesse khoobieh ..... I know it won't last for long but i'm happy now...... it feels soooooo gooooooood...... yea! :D

LOL

I have a test tomorrow......aslan nemidoonam chi mishe......vali lotfan komakam kon chon kheyli kheyli kheyli kheyliiiiii toro doos daram :* :*

az in ghesse che midaani
na dardami
na darmaniiiii

too zendegim ye donyaayi
man kaaboosam
to royaai
ye paaizam
to bahaari

man ye mordaab
to daryaai

i finally got a chance to see R and talk to him for a while. He's a realll nice guy. I really like him. He's SO NICE :)