I like this song...

Listening to music on iranian song

Ta hala ashegh shodi, be kasi shodeh del bedi, ye rooz az dastesh bedi ... doret begardam
Ta hala shodeh dasteto, bezari rooye ghalbeto, yekiam nist begeh be to... doret begardam

Ye moddateh madideh ha, chesham toro nadideh ha, parideh rangeh eshgheh to, rangeh manam parideh ha...

Komak konid setareh ha, mano yadesh biaareh ha, hamoon kasi ke mesleh oon, donya digeh nadaareh ha

Fact: I'm not singing this really... because I have really not felt this way about any deserving person .. and that's a fact! The closest person to such a feeling was once VJ... but now not even him...
This is another song that I secretly wish I could sing to someone... I mean I should be happy that I am not in the situation because it would've meant that it was a great love that was lost.... but sometimes I think better loved and lost than not have loved at all:

beyne in hameh gharibeh, to be ashena mimooni... harfayeh talkhi ke daram... man nagofte, to midooni......
Man poraz harfaayeh taaze, aashegheh goftano goftan, to ba darde man gharibeh, amma teshneye shekoftan

I wish? :)

Nostalgia....

Hesseh kheyli ajib gheribist vaghti na cheshm entezareh kasi hasti na chizi.....
Faghat donbaleh bahaneh hayeh koochik baraayeh edameh migardi....
Shayad ham bahaneh hayeh koochik dar vaagheh bozorg bashan vali be dalileh avval koochik be nazar miaan..

I finally cried for the "lost" dream yesterday.... I called them and asked why...... they said you were great but didn't get enough marks for 1 part... and unfortunately the way things work is that you get eliminated once that happens......but please know that you were in fact great.... my response: thanks?

I seem happy as if nothing ever happened... or maybe I am happy but I don't know it..... at the same time I know I shouldn't be..... all these "excuses" for not hiring me...... what is the problem?

All I know is that I'm still in the mood of "vaisa donya... man mikhaam piaadeh sham"

I have found some clarity....

About life?
No!
About my "dating" situation....you know my rejection letter yesterday was a big deal.... I am once again "homeless" ...... One thing that I'm sure about is that I don't want to start a relationship when I don't know about where I'm going to stay....... but at the same time, I know that if I find a "potential" I may reconsider....

Last night I had told the "first guy" that we could go out...... but then I called him and after speaking with him and hearing things like "how come you don't miss me?" I got scared and decided not to go out with him.... especially since he wanted to go out at like 11:30!!! Ok call me a grandma, but after a long week of not getting good night sleeps I'm not going to go out on a second "date" with someone that I barely know and I'm not even that interested in when I'm so tired!!! In general, I don't like going to bed late at night! If this was a bf or something I may have reconsidered...... anyways...... it's just the same old story.... they are head over hills in love on the first date... I feel nothing...... and in this case he's not even a potential..... so ...... I think he's out of the "game"......

As with the second guy..... he has been behaving a little bit better....... :) ...... Although I don't know him that welll either at least I'm willing to give it a try.....so I may go out with him tomorrow.... BUT what is always at the back of my head is the fact that I'm here for only a few weeks...so what the h*** am I doing????

There's this guy from french class too......he's black...... cute but I think he's like 40 or something!!! but when I think about it he's the safest case :)) no I'm not joking!!!! I wish I could somehow find out his age..... looool ..... ok I'm gonna stop right here....... everyone I know around me is jobless.. I don't care about this guy in particular... I think as him as a possible opportunity for "fun" ..... not that I am that type of person!!!! these days I am wondering about what type of person I am..... is who I am close to who I should/ want to be?

anyways..... one thing is for sure..... and that is that I'm trying.......

Now need to find a job........

:( .....sometimes I want to cry but I don't...... if you ask me about how I feel right now it's something very close to "vaista donya... vaista donya, man mikhaam piaadeh sham......."

in hame charkhidio charkhoondi akharesh chi shod? in kilideh shanse daret begoo ghesmate ki shod?

I'm kind of sad...... and that is the truth...... I just don't know what I'm going to do with myself at the end of this contract!

a big SIGH

The wait is over but....

I regret to inform you that.......

:(

I'm so sad.... I just wanna listen to sad music..... I don't know the reason..... I want to believe that everything happens for a reason......

now I can focus on applying for jobs again!

In my dreams....

I had a dream in which I was signing a 3 months contract with my dream job!!!! :( I'm gonna try to call them tomorrow and see what happened.....

PS on a completely different note...... sometimes we do things not because we are bad people, but because of a lack of experience, and uncertainty .... as human beings we have curious minds....

Call me crazy but yesterday I went out with my "x"'s mom for breakfast which was nice and at the end we said maybe next time all of us (including my "x") can go for breakfast......

8 hours after I went out with this guy who I had known from school...... he's the funniest guy ever.... he's so nice and completely the type that I can easily get along with.... he's really cute too..... but he doesn't have a job ..... and he's 31... if he had a stable full-time job I may have considered him...... he showed a lot of interest but I was unsure.....

today I am going out with another guy.......he has mesaged me on facebook and I have decided to go out with him for coffee....

why am I doing this? To explore my feelings and where I stand with myself..... last night when I was waiting for him suddenly I thought about the first time that my "x" was late and how I almost left lol...

I was thinking that you should always be firm with your feelings.... if you don't like something you should let the other person know that it's not ok..... I did that at the beginning of my relationship.... but over time it faded away because I cared more for him....... but when I think about it that shouldn't happen and you should stay firm with your beliefs (yes, it sounds like I'm going to be a real bitch in my next relationship lol)

anyways..... let's see what happens.... I'm not expecting anything.....just exploring and experiencing....

Aan zaman miaayad.....

Aan zamaan miaayad ke miravado digar bar nemigardad....
Man in ra didam va midanam...
Hanooz omid daaram va omidvaram vali...

Dafeye avval az kharriat, saadegi, naadaani, va shogho zoghe ziaad chenaan shirjeh miravi keh dar daakheleh aab ghargh mishavi....
Jahesh va pareshe dovvom hichvaght jaayeh avvali raa nemigirad.....
Dafeye dovvom digar haraas va shogho zoghe avval raa nakhaahi dasht chon midaani che montazerat hast...

Bazi ha migooyand hame yeki nistan pas nabayad hamishe az avval akhare dastan ra pishbini kard.....
Vali vaghti ba tarso larz jolo miravi nemitavani mesle dafeyeh avval bikhiaal amal koni....

Shoghe baaz aamadanam hast ammaa, tarsist ke baalo param raa basteh....

When I think about my past and present I can sit down and cry for hours.....

But that's my choice..... it's my choice to cry.... or distract myself, as I have been doing for the past 10 months, and be happy....

I've started telling people why I haven't found a full time job yet... or I should say they have started asking me.... and I don't know what to tell them..... why did I stop looking for jobs?

It's because I was optimistic about what was to come.... I have to probably wait until the end of this week.... I want to get accepted... I do.. I think I'll be great at it!

Anyways..... I'm really down today..... could be because it's that time of the month.... have to try to get a full time job..... I can't live like this forever......

PS on a totally unrelated note let me state this here: I am quiet upset about the fact that he didn't call me ... the whole thing bothers me.... I think it's because I haven't found a replacement for him yet... until then I think this is just how it's going to be..... I was talking to my mom the other day and she told me to call his mom and go out with her... and I did...... so I'm meeting up with his mom on Thursday! :)

Mikhaam beram paa nadaaraM

Mikhaam naram jaa nadaaraM

Geryeh konam del nadaaraM

Daad bezanam... naa nadaaraM

Man delam tang misheH

To delet sang misheH

Nazaar in tongeh bolooR

Beshkaneh ba in ghorooR

Don't get me wrong.... this IS what I wanted... I didn't want to be distracted or even bothered with him when I come here..... I was even thinking that I may have to call 911 if he bothers me too much (yes, please do call me crazy, but this thought actually did cross my mind at some point!) ..... I think this is the lonely me talking :) .... and the me that's experiencing that time of the month ;)

Hamechi aroomeh...

I'm not sure if I've used that title before.... but it completely represents my life now.....

I'm so thankful for having so many wonderful new people around me......people at work are great........ my roommate is great.... what else can I ask for?

I've been here for so far less than a week..... I've been chilaxing..... the only complain that I have is the weather.......what's up with the snow in the middle of the spring? that's just sad!!! Other than that, all is well.... I LOVE the location of my apartment....

I haven't heard from anyone yet......

Still waiting..........

Still hoping.........

Still positive.......

PEACE AND LOVE
gngt

Man na inam...va na aanam......

I'm neither this...... nor am I that!

That's who I am......

Everything has been great here so far..... so far life is good..... so far I have been just going to work...... need to find a full time job!