And he came back after she had finally put the last pieces of her heart together.......

I was going crazy last night...... I don't know if it was my lack of sleep or what it was that made me so emotional...... I cried before going to bed again for the second night in a row...... you see I never cry.... so this was weird for me............I was so close to deleting him from FB

This morning I woke up with a smile on my face......... happy that I hadn't deleted him the night before......... he has no obligation towards me ........ nothing whatsoever........... so what was I getting upset about anyways? well, why am I lying to myself? I know exactly what it is.......

When we started talking on the phone about 2-3 weeks ago I decided to really consider him a friend and not talk to him so much (maybe once a week) .... or even less! But then he messaged me complaining why I hadn't been calling him etc ........saying if I'm not interested in talking to him I should let him know so he won't bother caring etc......... so I called him.......... but then he started messaging me almost everyday..... and calling me! so I thought ok......... maybe he wants to start something more than a friendship......... and since I'm crazy about this guy I decided to let go of my strong walls and started texting him and calling him myself ....... only to see that he stopped responding ......... like when I msged him he never replied........ a recent example is from this morning where he messaged me back because I sent him a txt msg last night with a sad face....... he msged me this morning asking about what's wrong........ and I just told him about the problems that I'd run into with school (even though the sad face was actually because of the fact that he'd ignored me!!!) .......anyways....... he hasnt msged me back since 9 in the morning ...... but this time I don't care........ I should learn from my lessons right? for some reason I don't but this time I've been fine since this morning :)

why are guys such A-Hs? seriously...........this is NOT the first time this is happening ...... it happens every single time with every single guy! as soon as I start giving them attention they run away!!! I know it's a psychological thing and there is nothing I can do about it ....... but it's very stupid and sad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm actually kinda looking forward to talking to him to tell you the truth (caz I'm crazy like that) ....... but this time I'm like a normal person......accepting the fact that he has no obligations whatsoever to give me attention...... he's NOT my boyfriend for god's sake!!!! I care about him A LOT ........ but to him I'm just a friend....... even when he wants to pretend to act like I'm more than a friend to him I should know that I'M NOT......... it's just a game that he's playing caz he's a guy! they want the whole world (or at least all the girls in the world) to fall in love with them..... it's just in their nature ........ specially for scorpios ........ whatever.........

I'm stronger than yesterday......... :)

thank you god for everything.......... for realizing that a bump in the road is nothing more than a bump and I can pass through it...... thanks for making me realize / remember how fortunate I am for everything that you've given me........ thank you for making/helping me appreciate it...... thank you thank you thank you.......... thanks a million! LOVE U

I've lost it........

In a sense I really have.......... I turned off my computer and then turned it back on to log on FB and delete him............. and then decided not to...........

How can I delete someone that I care about so much from my life? I can't ...

No matter how much I get tortured .........

Or maybe I should rething it........

Maybe I will tomorrow......... but when we talk everything's so good..... he's so nice ..... and I fall in love all over again...........

شاید که روزی عاقبت آروم بگیرد در دلت

کنار هر ستاره ای نشسته ابر پاره ای

من از تبار سادگی بی خبر از دلدادگی، عاشقم

ماه شدم ابر شدی

اشک شدم صبر شدی

برف شدم آب شدی

قصه شدم خواب شدی

Patience is a virture.....

:(

As I published my last post he msged me....... like less than 30 seconds after I published it......

I was mad at him today so I msged him and told him....... then he called me.........with his sweet voice....... saying that I shouldnt complain.......that he'd been busy .... sh*t like that....... and I bought it........ I was in a dreamy world until now......... he told me that he'd txt msg me (caz I asked him if I can call him and then he said he'll message me) ...... but it's midnight now and he hasn't yet........ and I can't believe I'm crying.... I hate this..... I hate this I HATE this........

I keep telling myself to give it a chance........ even though it's been so long I tell myself that I should give it a try...... even though I'm sorta over him ......... I don't want any other guy but at the same time I don't want him either........... even if thinking about him and talking to him is so very sweet I feel like I can't take it........... I hate being far away from him........ I feel like he's playing games......... all these stupid guys like to play games............. and I HATE playing games!

I really don't want to talk to him too much before I go there ........ I'm so mad at him....... I don't want to talk to him......... (still crying) ........... whatever.......... I'm gonna go to sleep and not respond to him if he calls / msgs me ........ ( I have a feeling I won't do that but I'll try my best not to....... )

Doost

Doos daaram loppesho bekesham! Napors chera... eeeeeee

Mesleh doos dashtaneh yeh bacheye koochooloo ........ oonjoorieh... yani yeh jooreh khassi khodesho mazloom neshoon mideh ke adam mikhaad baghalesh koneh, naazesh koneh, loppesham bekesheh.........

Aslan in ke az nazdik yeh rooz bebinamesh too saram nemireh....... yani vaaghean mesleh yeh royaa mimooneh baraam........ va emkaaneh inkeh faghat yeh royaa bemooneh ziaadeh chon behem gofte be ehtemaleh ziad vaghti man oonja beresam oon be ehtemale ziad nist....... mikhaad bereh berlin...... khaanevadash vienna zendegi mikonan..... khodesham ghablan ta oonjaai ke yadameh austria zendegi mikarde.... oonjoori be ham nazdik mishan

beh har haal hey be khodam migam enghad behesh fekr nakon...... ya migam be onvane ye doost fekr kon....... ya migam aslan bahash fekr nakon harfam nazan! vali nemisheh.......... aakharesh ke nemisheh....

Alaan mikhastam barash msg bezanam vali nemizanam......... chon ageh bekhaam bahash doost baasham beh onvaneh ye doost enghad nabayad behesh tavajjoh konam......... nabayadam bezaram karai ke mikoneh narahatam koneh.... bi tafaavot va mamooli......

I'm crazy for him!

Because he's the only one that can make me feel! Even if most of it is feeling of anger/sadness because I'm so far away from him and I miss him and I hate it when he doesn't respond to my msg right away....... and my heart starts beating faster and faster when I see a msg from him or even when I decide to message him......... I think I really like him........

I know I'm not his gf but.....

To this very day, every time I see her name I want to puke! For example, I just wanted to like one of his pictures on his profile and realized that she has liked it too! EW......... she's not even on his FB list anymore but her msgs and stuff are still there

Roo ghobaareh poshteh shisheh esmeh khoobeto neveshtam
Mesleh har roozo hamishe, ineh engaar sarneveshtam
Roo taneh sardeh derakhtaa, esmemoono hak mikardam
Beh omideh roozeh didaar, beh to hargez shak nakardam

Begoo bihoodeh naboodeh ageh aashegheh to boodam
Nagoo omreh man tabaah shod ageh esmeh toro khoondam
Nagoo eshtebaah mikardam, hamash az roo saadegi bood
Nagoo eshgheh man tamoom shod, ke too dastaat zendegi bood....

Maahiaayeh tooyeh daryaa ghesseyeh mano midoonan
Morghaayeh too aasemoona az ghameh delam mikhoonan
Hattaa golhaayeh too baaghcheh raazeh eshghamo shenidan
Maaho aasemoono khorshid ashkaayeh cheshaamo didan

Man ghorooramo shekastam, paayeh eshgheh to neshastam
Tooyeh ojeh bi gharaari, del be hich kasi nabastam
Del zadam beh mojeh daryaa, taa be eshghe to residam
Cheshm be omideh to bastam, ta be abraa parkeshidam

don't let go of a dream that has come true just because it feels too good to be true..... try your best to keep it alive caz at the end of the day all we can do is to try our best .......... and never stop dreaming!

The secret.......

I love this guy to death....... or so I think.......... but at the same time I've promised myself not to let him find out!

I mean I'm confused about my feelings ........ I used to be in love with him and I kinda still am...

But he makes me confused....... he used to and he still does...........and it seems like he's only been seperated from his gf for about 2 months.......... so I definately don wanna be his rebound...... like I was last time.......

I should be his friend.......

Thinking about him makes me happy.......... hearing his name puts a smile on my face.......

Maybe we should just be friends....... no we can't ........ I've already discussed this w u before

I'll call him tomorrow to see how he's doing! :)

Excited are we?

Yes........ maybe a bit too excited.......

:D :D :D

Can't wait to get out of this place

I mean I know that I'll be moving to a city that's nothing compared to where I'm living now but it's only for a short time and I can't wait to experrience living on my own........ maybe I'm being too childish.......... maybe I donnow the hardship of it......... the only thing I feel is excitement :)

2 more months........

To be brutally honest......

I'm sometimes vaguely brutally honest....... which is way better than being straight brutally honest!

"Vaay azizam.........cheghad delam barat tang shodeh..... key bebinamet?"

The reply would be something like this: "Why don't you just cut the crap? You don't even know me that well. How can you miss me? Get a life!"

But of course........ I just don't reply and hope that they get the point.......

I've never wanted to hang out with anyone maybe because of that reason........ people are way too self consumed....only concentrating on themselves... mostly thinking about how they can get a gf/bf etc......those married thinking about how to raise kids/make their marriages work........those in school thinking about how to pass their courses......... those less fortunate thinking about how to make ends meet...

So who is gonna help THEM? Those that have no one to go to for help...... those who don't live in a land full of opportunities......... those who are dependent on someone to take care of them and will do anything to survive...... who is thinking about them? I want to be one of those people who thinks about them!

another example:


"OMG ..... cheghad kafshat ghashangan............az koja kharidi?"

And as i'm typing this I'm laughing caz I just remembered that I sometimes do the same thing myself.........the difference being the fact that I'm only pretending like I care....... in reality I don't give a rat's ass.........

But some people are really into buying expensive stuff and showing off!

The only thing I can think about is all the poor people out there............. if all the richies are only thinking about themselves and who dresses better than the other then who is gonna help the poor?

I shall make a change.........I am trying.........trying to think about them and not just me....

Trying to see the world as one and figure out a way to help the rest of me and not just what others know as me!

Maybe I'm not trying hard enough......

Keep fighting it......

He called tonight, we talked, I thoroughly enjoyed the conversation (as always)

But you know what......as much as I like him I cant really decide about what I should do

Over the past 3 years, I've tried so hard to forget him ........ and now he's back...... maybe I should just be friends with him....

Ok ..... I should change my whole perspective about him........

Think of him as a friend...........

Actually that's what I prefer (yea right!) ......... seriously....... I know that there are other girls that he would probably want to be with...... so why would I even go there! I will just be friends with him until he gets a grilfriend......... and as I'm typing this I know I won't be ok with that so nevermind! I deleted him from FB for changing his status to "in a relationship" for god's sake!

There are some things from the past that still hurt me...... I sent him a freaking HAND MADE card and he didn't even thank me....... I sent him a letter telling him about how much I like him and he said that he's happily in a relationship...... I remember all the times that I wanted to talk to him and he ignored me.......

I mean those are all little excuses....... to tell u the truth I won't even know where to begin..... so I should just end it before it even begins .....

Or I should think of him as a friend..... maybe I'll try doing that....... caz I don't want to lose him that's for sure!

:)

Roo ghobaareh poshteh shisheh esmeh khoobeto neveshtam
Mesleh har roozo hamishe ineh engaar sarneveshtam
Roo taneh sardeh derakhta esmemoono hak mikardam
Beh omideh roozeh didaar, be to hargez shak nakardam

Begoo bihoodeh naboodeh, ageh aashegheh to boodam
Nagoo omreh man tabaah shod ageh esmeh toro khoondam
Nagoo eshtebaah mikardam, hamash az roo saadegi bood
Nagoo eshgheh man tamoom shod, ke too dastaat zendegi bood

Maahiaayeh tooyeh dardaa ghesseyeh mano midoonan
Morghaayeh too aasemoona az ghameh delam mikhoonan
Hattaa gol haayeh too baaghcheh raazeh eshghamo shenidan
Maaho aasemoono khorshid ashkaayeh cheshaamo didan

Begoo bihoodeh naboodeh, ageh aashegheh to boodam
Nagoo omreh man tabaah shod ageh esmeh toro khoondam
Nagoo eshtebaah mikardam, hamash az roo saadegi bood
Nagoo eshgheh man tamoom shod, ke too dastaat zendegi bood

Man ghorooramo shekastam paayeh eshgheh to neshastam
Tooyeh ojeh bi gharaari del be hichkasi nabastam
Del zadam beh mojeh darya, taa be eshgheh to residam
Cheshm beh omideh to bastam, taa beh abraa parkeshidam

Janbeh daashteh baash bacheh!

It's amazing how people can find a place in your heart without even trying

I met 2 people (1 girl/1 guy) last week and they're simply so cool.......... they're funny but simple and innocent at the same time....... I think that's the best combination to have as a human being.... be funny without overdoing it! without making it look like you're trying.......

I love them! I want to ask them to go to the movies with me but maybe they'll think I'm weird....... so I'll try to bump into them a few more times before I ask them out :D

p.s. they have this friend that I don't like......... I dont know why....... but she's simply not lovable at all :-"

Discovery: I like people that are simple!

I miss him :(

F*ck ......... I need to stop thinking about him!
I'm not really thinking about him ....... he suddenly pops up every once in a while...... and I want to send him a msg that says " :( " ...... but of course I won't ...........

Ok I'll be going to bed now........ tomorrow's a new day

I need to come down!

I'm beginning to think that talking to him might not have been such a good idea

Now I see other girls writing on his wall, sending him sweet messages, and that kinda makes me a bid upset ...... dont ask why! Just a tiny little bit though

I keep reminding myself that he has a girlfriend...... I mean there's this ring on his finger that might be a promise ring....who knows!

So all I need to do now is to keep reminding myself that he has a girlfriend....... ok ...... i feel much better now! I seriously do.........

As you all know, I HATE uncertainties......... the list of courses for the fall term won't be coming out until June 25th....... I have to wait until then to find out if the pre-required courses that I need to be taking are all offered in September or not....... and in 2 days I will find out about how much I have to pay for tuition fee! It says on their website that tuition for summer is 5000 but I have a feeling that could be the tuition fee for 4 terms...... that would be nice!

I can only start studying after June 25th........ only 12 more days...... :)

I've decided not to spend so much money on food anymore...... I need to save my money here and spend it there.........

I can't wait to be independant and I don't need anyone but me myself and I and god to help me through :)

Stop being jealous!!!!!

Ok ....... in reality I don't care that I wasn't invited to this girl's house (who lives very close to me and pretends like she's my friend everytime she sees me)........ but it makes me really wonder why they pretend to be nice? Is it my fault for ignoring their friendliness or do they not invite me to their parties because they think I'm better than them (since I'm skinnier than them they conclude that I'm better since most guys come to me instead of going to them........which I don't care about at all because I'm not interested in those guys!!)

Anyway....... yea........ I donnow...... I think they might be jealous of the fact that I'm thinner than them....... nothing else to be jealous of!

So whatever.... just wanted to share this ......

2nd day.....

P.S.
I've kinda decided to go there on Sept. 1st since that way I make more money at work and don't lose money .....

She's not broken, she's just a baby.......

I like that part of Lady Gaga's song!

Anyway........ it's time to make new goals.......... isn't it? I think it is.... now that my dr friend is out of my life.....(and now that my so called "best friend" has decided not to talk to me anymoe) I can think clearly without any worries about anyone but myself

The first thing I need to do is to clean my room! Why is that always a priority? Caz I can't think when my room is messy......... and my room is almost always messy.......so u do the math......

After doing that and getting rid of some boxes I shall start making a list of the things I need to do before moving

I should decide on what I want to take with me and what I need to study before going

I should figure out when my registration date is (2 more days until I find out how much the tuition fee is :) )

ummm.........yea........ I might go to ikea to see some furnitues there....... the only things I will probably need is a dining table, a living room table set, and a sofa bed + kitchen supplies

so here's a priority list

1) Clean my room
2) E-mail the lease agent and tell her that I need some more time to decide if I want a bachelor, a 1 bedroom
3) Figure out what courses I need to take etc
4) Hopefully have 3 figured out within the next few days so I can get my apartment
5) Go to ikea on the weekend
6) Start studying until the day I leave!

Sounds good? Yes!

All right.........

Now it's time to go eat some breakfast :)

p.s. I'm not sure if my parents will be going there with me to help me settle in but I truely don't think I need their help! I want to start being independent from the very beginning plz and thank u :)

Another post about VJ......... even though his name hasnt been mentioned in a LONG time

Ba'd az 4 saal hanooz gheyrati hastam? na........ chetor mitoonam roo kasi ke ta alan hezar ta gf avaz karde gheyrati baasham? taazeh hanooz fekr konam gf daareh...... nemidoonam

Ehsaas mikonam hameh fekr mikonan man be khatereh oon daaram oonja miram...... yani khodam ham hatta bazi moghe haa in fekro mikonam.....vali aslan intor nist! man daaram miram oonja dars bekhoonam..... baavar konid in tanha hadafameh.......... haalaa agar dar kenaareh dars khoondan oon ro ham didam keh cheh behtar...... albateh goft ke daareh mireh Berlin....... pas omidi nist....... daste sar nevesht nakhaast ke maa baa ham az nazdik aashnaa beshim

Chand vaght pish daashtam yeh fekri mikardam....... yani hatta ghablaz inke dishab behesh message bedamo azash dar morede khoone soaal konam.........vaaghean az taheh del kheyli ehtemaal nemidaadam ke javaabamo bedeh..........aakheh man roo statusam neveshte boodam oonja ghabool shodam vali oon aslan be rooye khodesh nayovordeh bood bara hamin fek kardam aslan barash mohem nisto shayad hanoozam nabashe...vali vaghti msg zadam goft ke khabar nadashteh....... badesh behem zang zad....... fek nemikardam javaab bede chon az har 5 ta msg e ke behesh mizanam mamoolan javabe yekisho mide o too in chan sal be in raftaresh aadat kardamo say kardam bitafaavot baasham...... mesleh kheyli chizaayeh dige ke nesbat beheshoon alaan bi tafaavotam.......

Daashtam migoftam........ chand vaght pish dashtam ye fekri mikardam (ghablaz inke bahash dar hich tamaasi baasham) ...... va oon in bood ke man fekr konam in bashar ro kheyli doost daaram.... yani hamoonghad ke az movaffaghiateh in too karai ke mikoneh khoshhal misham az movaffaghiate baradaramam khoshhal misham...... yani ehsas mikonam be andazeyeh khaanevaadam baraash care mikonam...... hatta bara samimi tarin doostamam in hesso nadaaram..... bishtare moghe ha nesbat beheshoon hesaadat mikonam.......vali ba in fargh daareh......

Yeh chiz digeh am hast ke ye vaght digeh behesh fekr mikardam......va oon ineh ke cheghad khoobeh yeki aadamo enghad doos dashte bashe na? yani har kasi na....... yani in aadamai ke too in moddat az man khosheshoon oomade baraam nist ke hanooz doosam daarano raaje be man care mikonan yaa na....... aslan tarjih midam ke nakonan........vali ageh bi dooroogh oon ye zamaani az man khoshesh mioomade bayad khoshhal boode bashe ke man enghad hanooz behesh ahammiat midam

Man beh ottawa migam shahreh eshgh.... shayad ba khodetoon begin che rabti daareh...... mageh ottawa pariseh?! Bara man ottawa shahre eshgheh.......... jaayieh ke aadami zendegi mikoneh ke beh khaateresh man alaan injaa hastam o in kasi hastam ke hastam...... kasieh ke be khateresh tasmim gereftam darsamo khoob bekhoonam ta betoonam behesh nazdiktar besham......agar che avaakhereh saaleh tahsilim digeh aslan yaadam rafte bood ke cheraa az oon hichvaght khosham mioomade o ina .....vali ta oonjai ke yadameh kheyli az darsaamo baraayeh hadafe movaffaghiat khoondam ke betoonam dar aayande aadameh behtari besham....

Ottawa baraayeh man shahre eshgheh chon che oon toosh baasheh che nabaasheh man az oonjaa boodan lezzat mibaram chon cheh bebinamesh che nabinamesh kheyli az ehsaasaatam dar man baa oon shoroo o tamoom shod.... hamoontor ke behesh ye zamani gofte boodam oon baraayeh man mesleh yeh hero mimooneh va chi behtar az inke too shahri zendegi koni ke herot toosh yeh zamaani boodeh.......

Shaayad digeh bahash hichvaght harf nazanam vali hich vaght nemitoonam begam keh boodo naboodesh too zendegieh man farghi nadaashteh.....chon ke daashteh........ va az inke oon too in donya vojood daashteh khoshhalam

Garcheh agar fekresho bokonam va bekhaam dalileh tamaameh in bi tafaavot boodanamo peida konam shayad az ashnaai baa oon risheh gerefteh baasheh..... vali baavar konid ke alaan aslan yaadam nist ke oon chi daasht ke mano enghad majzoobeh khodesh kard?! yaadameh ke yeh zamani doosesh dashtam vali aslan yaadam nist chera va aslan oon hesso yaadam nist......

I talked to VJ today after 3 years ..... I'd never laughed so hard for half an hour........well maybe I did in the past when we talked more often..... he's really funny..... anyway..... I'm not really gonna think about him too much caz that's just not me anymore...... I'd like to see him if we get a chance when I move there..... but it's also ok if we don't ........ I'm over it ...... and u better believe it...... I have, as u probably already know, turned into this selfish person who doesn't care about anything/ anyone but myself.... caz I'm the only one that matters and I don't need anyone else but me to continue in my journey

ای نگا هت نخی از مخمل و از ابریشم
چند وقتیست... که شبها ...به تو می اندیشم
به تو آری... به تو یعنی... به همان منظر دور
به همان سبز صمیمی... به همان... باغ بلور
به همان سایه... همان وهم ...همان تصویری
که سراغش... ز غزلهای خودم ...می گیری
به همان... زل زدن از فاصله دور ...به هم
یعنی آن شیوه فهماندن منظور... به هم به تبسم ...به تکلم ...به دلارایی تو
به خموشی... به تماشا... به شکیبایی تو
به نفسهای تو... در سایه سنگین سکوت
به سخنهای تو با ...لهجه شیرین سکوت شبحی... چند شبست... آفت جانم شده است
اول اسم کسی... ورد زبانم شده است
در من انگار ...کسی... در پی انکار من است
یک نفر... مثل خودم ...عاشق دیدار من است یکنفر ساده... چنان ساده ...که از سادگیش
می توان... یکشبه پی برد... به دلدادگی اش یک نفر سبز ...چنان سبز ...که از سرسبزیش
می توان... پل زد از احساس خدا... تا دل خویش
آی... بیرنگ تر از آینه... یک لحظه... بایست
راستی... این شبح هر شبه ...تصویر تو نیست؟ اگر این حادثه هر شبه... تقصیر تو نیست
پس چرا ...رنگ تو و آینه... اینقدر یکی است؟
حتم دارم ...که تویی... آن شبه آینه پوش
عاشقی... جرم قشنگی است... به انکار ...مکوش آری... آن سایه ...که شب ...آفت جانم شده بود
وان الفبا... که همه ...ورد زبانم شده بود اینک... از پشت دل آینه... پیدا شده است
و تماشا گه آن ...خیل تماشا شده است
آن الفبای دبستانی دلخواه... تویی عشق من... آن شبح شاد شبانگاه ...تویی

I'm tired of talking to girls that are so focused on guys and how much they want "it" ....... seriously .........get a life! I'm so happy that I'm not one of them...... I might be one of the only girls on this planet that hasnt experiened "it" but when I look around and see how miserable some girls are and how all they think about is "it" and how start going out with the wrong guy just so they can get "it" it's very sad.......

I'm gonna try to live this life without "it" and see what happens....... ok so I won't be normal like all the other girls that like "it" but so what? I'll get to experience something new and either warn people or encourage them at the end of my journy to say if living life without "it" was worth it or not.........

Girls usually grow up, try to look pretty so they can get guys, after going out with many wrong guys they finally settle for one at the end whom they either cheat on, divorce, or live an okay life ever after, not to mention having kids some time in the middle / giving up all their career because of the kid, getting depressed for a while for being out of shaped etc. Ok maybe it's not so bad........they have a kid, enjoy having a kid, go out with other moms, clean the house take care of the baby until he/she grows up....... and focus on the child for the rest of her life, even when that child is in his/her 40's or 50's ..... what is the point? tell me that! why not at least adopt a child so u can be at least helping a kid grow up instead of adding one more baby to this world! Don't be so selfish.......

Don't ask me about what my plans are because I don't know yet......... my plan is to stay single and see what happens........ if for some reason I find a rediculously loving guy I might consider marrying him but that will probably not happen ...... so ........

I wish people would stop being jealous!

:(

It'd have been our second month anniversary.......

He left an offline msg saying happy "anniversary" ....... and I just felt sad...... I dont know why :(

I like him a lot..... that's the truth....... at the same time I'm not ready for anything...... and he's short! I was thinking if he'd put down his true height on his profile I would have NEVER msged him.......

I miss him <3 but I dont want to talk to him

Worst/Best than ever!

It was only 6 monthes ago when I'd deeply fallen in love with a guy whom I have now absoloutely no feelings for.........

I really do think that I'm over the whole idea of finding the right guy/ live happily ever after

I can truely say that I am happy ..... even though there is no guy in my life

Well, at the moment there is ...... but I'm ready to let him go...

I'm looking forward to moving away to a new city and experiencing a new life......... even though it may/will be hard..... I'm looking forward to it!

The weather is sometimes cloudy here........ but they're slowly learning to forgive/forget and try to stay happy together........ which makes me happy

Last year it was at around this time that I wanted to run away.......run away from the rainy weather and the small den that I was living in...... but at the moment everything seems to be good enough for me to want to stay here..........this time I'm not running away..... I will miss my home

I love my parents so much.........they're the most lovely people on this planet! <3

The results......

So I went and saw him yesterday

He's a super nice guy......super funny.........super smart.....

He had lied about one thing..... which is a MAJOR thing in my book.......and that's his height

He's exactly my height......... he's not skinny but he's not built either....... and he looks pretty good.....

He's not a big spender at all...... he's one of those people that would hardly spend a penny on anyone.......... and that's a major issue...... not now ...... but it will be in the future

I had a good time with him and if he lived here and if I wasnt moving away to Ottawa I would give him a chance..... vali long distance relationships never work so I'm not even gonna try

We're from two different worlds and it'd be hard to make our worlds meet from far apart......

One more thing that I don't like about him is that he's a bit rude..... like he doesn't have a problem with telling me that my family/friends are nosy ...... i really dislike that

He likes to jay walk..... i hate running in the middle of the street but he thinks it's ok to run and thinks it's stupid to not run etc

Here are the 3 major problems:

1) His height
2) He's cheap
3) He doesn't respect my family/friends

He's still asking me to go to the place we had originally planned to go to........ but I dont want to since if we're going as just friends it's way too costly for me (about 700 for the fleight and 600 which gets deducted from my vacation)....and if we're going as more than friends, well I don't want that period. I'm going to another city in august and I DON'T BELIEVE IN HAVING LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS

Prayer:

Dear God,

Please let him be ok with this..... please let him either forget about me or realize that we can be friends but nothing more........ please help his aunt too ...... please help him

I don't want to have another conversation with him about having to go to that Island....... please stop him from wanting to go with me/ asking me to go with him

Let me tell you how I feel..........

So I'm flying to his city to see him on Saturday.......

I think I'm in love with who he used to be not who he is now.....

He has a lot of family problems at the moment and his best friends are both moving away ...... so he's going to be so alone soon......

He tells me if I wear 2" heels he'll be shorter than me which means that he's lied about his height (175 cm)

He tells me that he looks older now than he did in the pictures he'd sent me and he's lost weight.....

I really dont know how I'm going to feel about him when I see him in person but at the moment based on what he's said about his height and how he's aged something tells me that I won't like him..... but I keep fighting the thought and telling myself that I'll fall in love with his personality......

We'll see........

Saturday is almost here.......