And it all came crashing down

I don’t even know how it happened

This is the second time this year that I get blind sided

I feel so embarrassed... not because what I heard was true, but because someone views me as less than a high performer

I really can’t explain the relationship I have with my manager... no matter how hard I have tried I just can’t seem to get along with her. Yesterday she point blankly told me that I am in trouble and she is worried for me. She had tried to gather evidence on how I am not a great employee...

It’s like she said that and is waiting to proof to me that I’mnot great. And maybe I’m not. I thought that’s what managers were for. To ask them questions when you are not clear

Anyway...

I don’t like the fact that all I can think right now is somehow disappearing but I can’t do that either

I don’t think about it too much as “running away” because I want to try something new and get out of my comfort zone... maybe it has everything to do with what I decided at the last workshop.. love and growth are my top two needs

I have been sick for almost 2 weeks now... am on antibiotics... this is what showed up as I was typing “anti” 🐜

Anyway.... I feel lost but I will find myself... I always have... “embrace growth”

Eshgh, niaaz va zendegi

Ajab rasmieh in zendegi

Ehsaas mikonam belakhareh “ashegh” shodam... va belakhareh beh dorost boodaneh in raabeteh etminaan daaram... vali ghablaz hameh in haa man tasmim be dashtaneh bache dashtamo daaram... dalile daghighesho nemidoonam... shayad ehtiaaj beh zamaan daram vali midoonam keh man barayeh ayandam bacheh mikham... na inkeh bacheh dashtan asoon baasheh... vali man fekr mikonam madareh khoobi besham

Oon migeh hanooz motmaen nist... va man ehsas mikonam mikhaam khodahafezi va farar konam