2020

I started this year with hope. I had a feeling this year will be a great year. I was excited about my brother’s wedding and also looking forward to my own boyfriend getting down on one knee to propose. I was excited. I could feel that my wedding will also be this year. I pictured a destination wedding at the end of 2020 and celebrating with all my loved ones around me. How dreamy. How amazing. How sweet. How wonderful. But then I was punched in the face with reality. It started with the forest fires in Australia. I tried to calm myself down and remind myself not to think about it much as there is nothing I can do about it. And then there was news about the tension between US and Iran. I thought here we go again. One person got killed. They must be mad. But then moved on. Shortly after, I heard about the attack on Iraq. Then I started realizing that this could get more serious than I originally thought. I was desperately hoping that there won’t be a war. Finally Trump made the announcement saying that all is good as no Americans were killed. The day after I started to believe that everything will be ok. And then suddenly the unthinkable happened. A plane leaving Iran was shot. Was this the beginning of a war? Who could have done it? After a few days of silence and lies, the most unimaginable happened! It couldn’t be true! There were what I originally thought were rumours saying that Iran shot the plane. How could that be? A mistake? Impossible. While waiting for the truth, I celebrated my birthday with my friends and that night, we found out that it was true! Iran killed their own people! I couldn’t stop reading on updates after that. All the beautiful souls that were lost. All for a “mistake”. And as this darkness started to slowly fade away, Coronavirus happened. My heart is heavy. I have never before been impacted so much by the world. I feel as grey as the clouds outside the window.

I feel 😐 not happy or sad. Just taking it one day at a time. Still happy in my personal life but as Saadi says

Human beings are members of a whole
In creation of one essence and soul
If one member is afflicted with pain
Other members uneasy will remain
If you have no sympathy for human pain
The name of human you cannot retain

Feeling grey. Worried about the world and humanity