I hope I'm making the right decision......

I'm going through with the plan that I've made for myself despite my family, close friends, and the whole world being against it..........

I shall just pray to god to help me through this journey........

I'm going to get on the plane next week to see this guy whom I haven't even talked on the phone with yet....

We've only been chatting and I feel like we connect so well....

Even though I have always believed in the saying of "Kabootar ba kabootar, baaz ba baaz" translating to something like "pigeons with pigeons, swans with swans" (meaning that u shall never go after someone who u think is a lot different from you)

Even though I think in terms of knowledge my IQ is probably 20 and his 150

Even though he's a doctor and I'm only a cashier.........

He has successfully made me believe that I could be the one for him

I have no doubt in my mind that I can feel the same towards him if he is not lying about how he feels about me......

but the big question in my head that bothers me is why me?

Why did he choose me? I don't get it............ there are sooooooooooooooooooooo many other girls that he could go after.......... I understand that he's going through a bad time in his life now and maybe for the next year or so but he will get over it.... and when he does maybe he'll open his eyes and realize that he has chosen the wrong person.....

Is he trying to choose someone who doesnt live in the same city as him so he can easily dump them (me) whenever he decided to without having to worry about seeing them everyday?

I don't know.......

I just hope that he really is the sweet guy that he seems to be

And I hope I dont regret going there to see him




به نام خداوند رحمتگر مهربان (۱
بِسْمِ اللَّهِ الرَّحْمَنِ الرَّحِيمِ ﴿۱

ستايش خدايى را كه پروردگار جهانيان (۲
الْحَمْدُ للّهِ رَبِّ الْعَالَمِينَ ﴿۲

رحمتگر مهربان (۳
الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ ﴿۳

[و] خداوند روز جزاست (۴)
مَالِكِ يَوْمِ الدِّينِ ﴿۴

۵) بار الها] تنها تو را مى‏پرستيم و تنها از تو يارى مى‏جوييم
إِيَّاكَ نَعْبُدُ وإِيَّاكَ نَسْتَعِينُ ﴿۵

ما را به راه راست هدايت فرما (۶
اهدِنَا الصِّرَاطَ المُستَقِيمَ ﴿۶

راه آنان كه گرامى‏شان داشته‏اى نه [راه] مغضوبان و نه [راه] گمراهان (۷
صِرَاطَ الَّذِينَ أَنعَمتَ عَلَيهِمْ غَيرِ المَغضُوبِ عَلَيهِمْ وَلاَ الضَّالِّينَ ﴿۷

People change......

If u read the posts that I made last year at this time, you'll see how I was always talking about wanting to get away, wanting to get a better degree, wanting my family to accept me better....

Now that I have the opportunity to leave, I do want to leave, but I no longer have those strong feelings about leaving....

I enjoy living in our apartment now, specially since my brother's leaved I've finally got my own room, my own privacy.........

Knock on wood, there haven't been any big storms at our place in a while.... they seem happy....

I don't feel like I have to run away anymore....... but I still would like to have this experience.......

anyway...... here's some news

I'm going to see him in a couple of weeks......... even though he was hesitant about it he finally said ok......

I don't know what it is that's holding me back.......

All I want to do is to see him, thank him for what he's done for me ........

He has opened my eyes to a better world...... I don't want to hurt him......... I want to meet him..... who knows......... I might even fall in love with him......

An extra comment about the last post....

As I was thinking about it, I realized what I'd said is not entirely true.......

I only sacrifice my happiness for those that I love.....and I do this with no regrets..... so if that someone (who's got sad by me) happens to be, for example, a random guy who has shown interest in me and I suddenly decide to ignroe him/ break his heart I kinda feel guilty but I would not be willing to give up my own happiness to cheer him up!

Self discovery......

I have learned something about myself

I can handle myself if I'm sad........ I can get over it and move on........ recover completely and forget about what ever it was that made me sad........

But what I can't handle is other people's sadness......... I hate to be the reason for someone else's sadness...... I will do anything to put a smile back on their face no matter what it is / what I have to do......

The difficult part is when two people that you love so much are against each other ....... that's when making one of them happy makes the other one sad ........

The brilliant thing is if you think long and hard you might be able to find a solution to keep them both happy

If that doesn't happen then ur screwed for life! And that's the sad reality

In my situation I was able to find a way to make both parties happy....... he was SO sad when I told him I don't want to meet him at the place we'd decided......... now I have told him that I can go to his city and see him there if he wants............ if he says no I'll be so mad at him.........that means he didn't care at all......... I'll be fine though......... as long as I tried my best to make him happy............that's all that matters to me at the end of the day.................I msged him 2 hours ago and he hasn't replied yet.........I wonder if he ever will............

But I'm at peace in my heart and I thank god for that <3

Delam baraash gerefte.......

Khodaya

Chera enghad delam baraash tang shodeh? Yani alan dareh chi kar mikoneh? Haalesh khoobeh?

kaash yeki bood behem begeh chi kar konam........... man mitoonam begam doosesh daaram chon mojoodeh doos daashtani ieh....... yani har kalamei ke harf mizaneh enghadr shirineh ke nemishe aasheghesh nashi.......... nemidoonam chera nazaram dar morede hameh chi avaz shod? kaash mishod bebinamesh........ kheyli delam barash misoozeh...... kheyliam delam barash tang shodeh......

Omidvaram halesh khoob baasheh

Khodaya......... behesh komak kon.......... beh khaalash komak kon............. khaalasho kheyli doos daareh....... nemikhaam bishtar az in narahat bebinamesh.......... komakesh kon :(

Just a suggestion......

I think people should stop making a fool out of themselves

And I think people should learn to think a little before they speak

Alaan keh didam online nist divaaneh vaar delam baraash tang shod :(

yani kojast? shayad khaalash dobaareh haalesh bad shodeh......

Elaahi bemiram ke enghad too zendegish moshkel daareh........ vaghean badtarin ettefaghi ke too zendegieh adam mitooneh biofteh ineh ke bebineh kasai ke dooseshoon daareh mariz ya narahatan...........

Just a thought........

I think guys should stop F*ing around and grow up!

Seriously........where are all the men? All I see is a bunch of kids who have no clue about what they're doing in life........and the rest who seem to be a bit better are just trying.......

Just woke up from a dream.........

Naagahaan cheghadr zood dir mishavad

I'd made up a paradise in my head, even though all the facts proved otherwise

He's a super nice guy........ I love his personality...... let's say I love him just for the sake of the argument...... he has a family with lotsa problems....... he's constantly worried about them......... I haven't even met him yet so I'm not sure how I'm gonna react when I do see him.......

But the fact that he has a lot of family drama should be a good enough reason for me to stop this right here......specially now that I've got an offer to do my Masters program which is something that I had always dreamt of..... so I shall go and discover me through this instead of through the other unusual way which was making everyone around me worried........

I feel so bad, lost, depressed.......
Not in general, just at this moment

As u may already know, I've started talking to this guy from LA who is a doctor and is going somewhere for a conference so I told him that I can join him there

I changed my mind after a while but then he told me that he would really like me to go there with him and I'm going caz I dont want him to be sad because of me.......

I really don't think we are a good match at all...... but he insists that we are....

So I'm basically going with him just because he's a nice guy and I like him a lot and dont want to see him any more sad than he already is.....

If it was up to me, I would stop talking to him right now and continue living my boring life alone which I'm more than used to by now and dont mind at all.......

I kinda feel like I've stopped everything in my life for him ...... Ive already learned a lot from him which I can apply in my life but I'm nothing compared to him......

Cheh sineh sooz aah haa ke khofteh bar labaaneh maa, hezaar goftani ze lab asireh picho taab shod......

Ino farsi minivisam chon aslan hoseleh nadaram kasi bekhoone ya dar moredesh comment bedeh........

Az in tasmimeh ahmaghaaneyi ke gereftam pashimoon nistam... hanooz doos daram beram oonja bebinamesh.........vali aslaneh aslan hoseleyeh inkeh be kasi choono cheraasho tozih bedam nadaaram......

Midoonam kaareh ahmaghaaneieh.........midoonam hichki baham movafegh nist hatta 1% .......soaal ineh ke man cheraa daram in kaaro anjam midam?

Baabaam porsid ageh khodet yeh dokhtar daashti behesh ejaazeh midaadi bereh? Javaabeh man 100% na hast

Maamaanam nemidoonam ya babam goft mageh az sareh raah ovordanet? Baaz nemidoonestam chi begam

Porsidan chera oon nemiad inja ya chera to nemiri oonja bebinish? Baaz javaabi nadaashtam

Doost daram in kaaro bokonam.........vali bedooneh in soaal haa.......... in soaalaa asaabamo khoord mikonan.......... mano dar moredeh tasmimi ke gereftam be shak mindaazan

If something is too good to be true then it probably is........

It's like getting scammed on renting a place in downtown for less than 1000 per month........

That's how this feels like......and the fact that I've agreed to it makes me a very stupid person.......

The question is: why am I doing this?

They're trying to take the fun out of it........

Why does he like me anyways? There are so many girls that he could go for who are nice....... I'm not the last nice person on this planet..........why is he doing this? I don't get it!

Happy anniversary?

1 month ago he'd msged me on this day.........

cheghad doosesh daaram?

Hamash doos daram loppesho begiram bekesham begam "googooli" ........ aakhey........ akhe kheyli mojoodeh googooli ieh........... adam mikhaad baghalesh koneh becheloonateshhhhhhh

Sabr kardanam kaareh sakhtieh ha! 1 maaho nimeh digeh mibinamesh.... nemikham beh oon rooz fek konam........... vali kheyli khodesho too delam jaa kardeh..... bazi moghe ha doos daram behesh begam :x ya :* ...... vali nemigam.....porroo misheh...... yani behesh chan bar goftam.........vali ziaadam begam loos misheh

The only thing that's important is the fact that I like him a lot at this moment......

The truth is that........

I'm not scared of becoming depressed/not enjoying every moment of my life since the person that I'm considering to be "the one" is someone who is going through major difficulties in his life ....even though he migh have some energy left in him after his grandpa passed away in an accident (when he got hit by a car), he's now spending that energy in dealing with his aunt's sickness since she has breast cancer and is getting sick in ways that worries him a lot........ only if I knew what the right words to say are I would stay around.........there's nothing else in this world that makes me happier than helping someone get through a difficult time........ only if I knew how....... I haven't experienced it ........... and I dont know what will be left of him if his aunt god forbid does not make it...........

Maybe I'm being silly by being too negative....... maybe I should really be a lot more positive and hope that she gets well.........caz to be honest with u I'm really worried about him.... I dont know if he can handle it...........

What have I got myself into? I dont regret it......... I just sometimes really dont know how to respond to him when he tells me about his problems........ maybe I should go read a book about it.......... maybe that's what I'll do.....

Fact

I'm not in love with my job caz it's too repetitive and something that a highschool graduate can do BUT I love the people that I work with......

I do love 99% of the people that I work with, even if I ignore them when I see them on the bus, I still very much enjoy working with them..... <3

I haven't talked to Mr. Dr since 2 nights ago...... so Haven't talked to him for about 44 hours...... wow....... can't decide if I should wait and talk to him or just go to bed early again.......

Which one would make him more happy? Trying to impress........

Call me crazy but........

I don't really feel like writing here.......

I'm sick........been sick for 10 days....... keep coughing and my ribs hurt :(

Can't think straight.......... can't say I'm in love....... but I'm considering it!